Opus 1

In my 30 some years trapped in the flesh-prison of the material world, I have experienced a tremendous range of emotions and sensations from music. From the sobriety of truth pushed by With Hearts Toward None or the determined futility of The Plague Within, the sheer joy of Futureperfect to the "whatthefuckisthis and where can I get more?" of Winterkalte. This is the first record to have genuinely made me feel the biological urge to vomit.

You might think this is hyperbole. Listen to the first 90 seconds of Homage and tell me I'm wrong - I fucking dare you.

More a collection of exercises to give his students than an album, this "work" (although I use this term lightly) is a neoclassical concept album devoted to the ego of Tom Hess. Featuring songs titled Empire, Imperial, and Golden Colloseum[sic], over the course of 62 very long minutes, this album exhaustively combines every possible combination of shredding exercise. And then it does it again, and again, and again - 12 times.

There are brief moments where it threatens you with good music. There's a section of Exploration (3:48 time stamp) that sets itself up as a pretty OK atmoblack-ish riff, and then 7 seconds later IT'S HESS WITH THE GOLDEN AXE AGAIN! It is simply unbelievable how much lead guitar work is in this song - and if you listen closely, there's a lot of slop in Tom Hess's chops.

To say nothing of the drumming! If you're using a crash to accent the first beat of a measure, you typically want it to land on beat 1, not halfway between beat 1 and the offbeat of 1. This happens multiple times.

This is the most awful thing I've ever done in my life. Worse than the cholecystectomy and recovery. Worse than psychosis. Worse than the shot-chaser combo of Donald Trump and Joe Biden. Please, if you are for some reason reading this, do not follow my example. Ignorance is bliss.