Diabły wzywają

I heard somewhere online that this is the "worst black metal release of all time". And since I was bored and wanted to torture myself, I decided to give it a listen. Oh dear lord.

The intro track sounds like if the synths Varg Vikernes used on Burzum album Dauði Baldrs were more dark and evil sounding. The poor quality of the recording gives it that authentic Dauði Baldrs feel to it. It sounds like Keldon was just hitting random notes on an organ until it vaguely sounded like "music". The guitars sound completely untuned and I don't think Keldon was even using an amplifier or anything. I'm 99% sure he was just playing his guitar into his microphone without any additional effects. I also do not hear any bass whatsoever, and the drums are so bad it is insane. In fact, the drums on this album sound like Keldon was just hitting tin cans or buckets. I'm all for people recording music on a budget, but..

The vocals also sound horrendous. Even Attila "Nails On A Chalkboard" Csihar on Mayhem's De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas album sounded better than Keldon's vocals. Keldon's vocals sound like they were recorded via a Skype call, or via a microphone found in an alleyway. His attempts at doing a black metal growl simply sounded like the noise your straw makes when you're finished your drink at a restaurant. Nearly every song has long, silent pauses that make it impossible to tell whether it's the same song or if it's changed to a different one. "Na drodze ku bramom" abruptly ends 2 minutes into the song, and it's complete silence until about a minute later, when the synths from the intro track start to play again. To me, it feels like Keldon was trying to imitate Burzum-styled ambient music. Needless to say, he didn't do a great job at it. If Keldon wanted to induce vertigo in his listeners, then it sure as hell worked.

Now, usually after bashing an album like that, I would try to give positive feedback about what I liked about the album. But, honest to god, I could not find a single thing redeemable about this album. Even with Dauði Baldrs, which is, in my opinion, the worst Burzum album ever, I was able to find some things about it that I enjoyed. But Diabły wzywają is like the Chernobyl of black metal. Nothing can save this album. Even the covers are horrible. The pentagram on the back looks like it was drawn with the line tool in MS Paint, and, to be honest, I think it was. The text on the front cover is off-centered as well, and that pisses me off.
I guess at least Keldon tried to make some kind of music.. and succeeded? I don't know, maybe Keldon invented a new genre entirely.
In conclusion, please please please do not listen to this album.