toastlord's profile

Welcome to hell- sorry, I mean my profile.

I also make music with fellow Metallum user TheRomanShitlord.

Because most people have some system by which they define their rating scale, here's my obligatory "Toast-o-Scale" (patent pending):
0: Communists
1: Chris Barnes nowadays
2: Artificial grape flavoring
3: Hong Kong 97
4: Immediately losing a Pokemon Nuzlocke
5: The Yankees getting swept by the Astros
6: Being a post-2000's Yankees fan
7: All of 2016
8: Dimebag Darrell's guitar tone
9: Eddie Van Halen dying
10: Cold Lake fans
11: DragonForce
12: Accidentally nutting to Amy Schumer
13: Patriots fans
14: The weakest pop of bubble wrap
15: Tasting blood from the inside of your cheek
16: Getting your bowling ball stuck in the middle of the lane
17: Necrophagist disbanding
18: Grindcore
19: J.J. Abrams' Star Trek reboots
20: Michael Bay movies
21: A burger that's just meat, no cheese
22: Landing your ass on a cactus
23: Teen pregnancy
24: QuickChek French Fries
25: Shitting your pants
26: Sleep Paralysis
27: Hotel buffet
28: Getting scammed
29: Accidentally dating a transvestite
30: Horrified Spirit
31: Being hit by a teen in a Honda Civic
32: Slaughter of the Soul stans
33: Being swatted by some rando in California
34: Nicotine
35: Straight edge bands that think rock/metal is Catholic school
36: 96% of metal fans
37: My Hero Academia Porn
38: Avulsed's old guitar tone
39: My first band
40: Schlitz, probably
41: Honda's car transmissions
42: Ex-girlfriends who can't take "no" for an answer
43: The title for Dark Funeral's latest album
44: People who drive in New Jersey
45: ET on Atari
46: Drum triggers
47: Astrology girls
48: Jeep girls
49: The very existence of Onlyfans
50: A white bread and American cheese sandwich
51: That same sandwich but with tomatoes and onions
52: That same sandwich but with some bacon added to it
53: The average Rick and Morty superfan
54: Most tech-death bands after Archspire got popular
55: Limp Bizkit
56: Green Day after American Idiot
57: Doing vocal warmups with a sore throat
58: The special effects in Troll 2
59: People who base their personality around Napalm Death's politics
60: Lemmy dying
61: Most New Old School Death Metal
62: Being forced to watch your girlfriend get off with a dildo of her ex
63: Accidentally casting porn audio to your living room sound system
64: Female pop singers unenunciating everything
65: An overcooked steak
66: Working at Wal-Mart
67: Directing a porn set starring Ron Jeremy (but it's Ron Jeremy nowadays)
68: Metallica's mid period
69: A "happy ending"
70: Your average grade on your tests
71: Gangnam Style at the peak of its popularity
72: The inevitable decline of the COD franchise
73: The 1974 Cal Jam
74: A nice cold can of beer
75: Watching the Yankees actually win a game for once
76: Pantera after the spandex
77: The production on most Razor albums
78: Finally beating Cynthia's goddamned Garchomp
79: Trey Azagthoth's post-2003 songwriting
80: Drunk go-karting with the boys
81: Parts 1-3 of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
82: Perfect Dark on N64
83: The one riff in "Liar" by Megadeth
84: Dale Earnhardt in the mid-80s
85: Hitting a sweet drift in an old Corolla
86: The slow riff in "Maze of Torment"
87: Ted Nugent
88: The NFS soundtracks from 2002 to 2010
89: "You didn't kill Anakin Skywalker... I did."
90: Taki's boob animation in SoulCalibur 6
91: Making fun of the average metal fan
92: Fear absolutely destroying the SNL set
93: Getting a botkiller weapon in TF2
94: Melodic guitar solos over fast, technical riffs (a la Cryptopsy)
95: Return of the Jedi
96: The 1996 World Series
97: Allan Holdsworth
98: All of the Ramones discography
99: Fucking the shit out of Scarlett Johansson
100: Kataklysm from 1991 to 1998

Generally, anything above a 55% is something I'd recommend to people. Anything below can fuck off.