Legion of Flames

Zimmers Hole is (was?) a pretty strange band, a project for honestly huge musicians (apparently most involved with Devin Townsend at one point in their careers) to vent their less serious selves and let out all the lame toilet humor jokes they possibly couldn't insert anywhere else. Somehow, they went a bit too far and ended up delivering a great third album before disappearing. What we have here is the seemingly ignored sophomore, which could as well be a missing link between the two, but it's actually clearly gravitating toward one side. They still hadn't realized they could be ... uh... serious? Well, from a musical point of view, at least, When You Were Shouting at the Devil... We Were in League with Satan definitely is. Legion of Flames is instead closer to the Bound by Fire approach of short gags, not extended, successful middle fingers to the uber-seriousness of the scene, but quick jokes that couldn't evidently be stretched to full three-minute songs at the very least.

While a certain dose of inconsistency has to be taken into account, Legion of Flames isn't without its moments. There are some obvious parodies that hit the bullseye, like 'Sodomanaz' (Nazareth's 'Razamanaz') and the especially clever 'Re-Anaconda', which spoofs Sacrifice's 'Re-Animation' and even brings in Rob Urbinati to mimic his own song. Shame for the dumb falsettos, that is. 'Evil Robots' is simply hilarious with its brilliant 'Master of Puppets' segment ('Napster! Napster! Where's the cash that I've been after?' – we're talking about 2001, the joke wasn't ran into the ground like today yet). Some original compositions remain enjoyable and occasionally killer, like 'Aerometh', 'Death to the Dodgers of Soap' or 'That's How Drunks Drink' confirm, or weird in a funny way like the pseudo-blues rock number '1000 Miles of Cock'.

But yeah, there are, like, more than 10 songs remaining, and I can't see myself remembering a shit out of them, nor willing to listen to them again, for that matter. It's just complete chaos and stupidity, with stuff like 'Well of Misfortune' or 'White Trash Momma' going on forever, or 'Doggy Style' with its embarrassing female choirs, or 'Satan Is a Gay Porno Star' that for some reason is sung in Spanish... I know, from these titles I shouldn't be expecting too much, but eh. 'Rock Move 47' is probably notable for predating the stupid pitch shifted pseudo-grindcore heard in later bands like Car Door Dick Smash or Chainsaw Penis – you decide what to make with this information. Everything else just passes by with no side effects.

On the upside, Chris Valagao's snarly vocals are incredibly cool as always, and Steven Wheeler doesn't stand too much in the shadow of his replacement Gene Hoglan, but the main problem is of course the fact that very few, if any, tracks feel like proper compositions. A collection of 20 songs of this ilk is akin to zombie scrolling through your favourite social network, snoffing at a short reel, then moving on to the next one having already forgotten it, and the closer feeling like a quickfire sequence of all the leftover jokes, country snippet included, only confirms it. The 'throw everything and hope it sticks' approach can only take you so far.

I won't lie and say I didn't have a honest laugh on some of the tracks on Legion of Flames, but a full hour of this is just sooo much to digest. Better stick to the successor.

-review written for the 10th Diamhea Memorial Review Challenge – may you rest in peace, Chris.