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He he, titty mountain - 20%

Silicon Messiah, September 8th, 2021
Written based on this version: 2021, Digital, Napalm Records

Revolution, being the third installment in the ongoing Warkings saga, is exactly what one would expect. This review could be very brief in stating simply that it is the same commercially soulless, Sabaton inspired jumble as the previous two albums. This time the ultra manly badass gladiator has conquered a mountaintop for some reason. At least he brought his axe dick with him. Short, at least, to the point of some mercy, the collection of three to four minute songs clock in at a total of 40 minutes.

Big sounding and bombastic, yes, as always. The choruses are the marking feature of every ding dang song here. I guess that’s okay since it’s power metal but maybe they could have tried to make the verses a bit more interesting. As it is they just plod along meanderingly as build up to the choruses. And even the choruses are often cringy, like entirely useless, slow plodding Fight with absolutely nothing to say or nothing to bring to the table.

All right, so they actually try for some slightly different bits here, which is to their credit, but even that goes only skin deep. Sparta Part II (because the useless first one needed a follow up, apparently) opens to some Middle Eastern sounding trilling, because Persia? Deus Lo Vult on its end adds a bit of church orchestra inspired chanting in the background, which actually gives it some more depth. The lyrics, always so blatantly shallow, take inspiration from historical events and figures - both actual and fictitious - and it’s all skin deep.

This speaks for the musicianship as well; though the members are of distinguished creed, there isn’t a lot of depth to the bombast or emotion behind the vocals - and this from Serenity’s own Georg Neuhauser, posing here as “Tribunal”. Still, I guess the sound they’re aiming for is a bit more refined, less cluttered, than on the previous two releases. Progress, but not a lot of it.

The problem isn’t making several similar (or identical) sounding albums. It’s creating a band that’s so blatantly a cash grab with no real musical interest backing the project. So because of that even the high points - if you can call them that - just fall flat because there isn’t actually any meaning behind them. Opener We are the Fire is a short burst of energy that kinda works for what it is, taking nothing too serious and with a ballsy little riff from “The Crusade” (Markus Pohl of Mystical Prophecy), who actually lets rip a couple of decent solos through the album - most notably in Deus Lo Vult.

None of the highs even get close to redeeming Revolution though. In the words of Cookie the teamster: “Can’t be done. Can’t be done.” Please, no number four. Send the badass warriors back to their mainstays with a fat paycheck and let the Warkings secede and lay down the giant penis axes; they had a good (eh) run. I don’t know how many times I can repeat the same review slightly differently worded - unlike Warkings I’m not getting paid for aimlessly repeating myself. Wait now I get it, the mountaintop is a giant titty! Gotcha.

Standout tracks: We are the Fire, Deus Lo Vult