Pandemonium

Holy fucking CHRIST!!!! We're about to die!! I am going to go down to the local cunt shoppe and purchase me a cunt, just so I can stick a trowel in it and die in agony!!!

This album is from 2003?? What the fucking classic shit, Batman! This sounds like Suffocation deciding to try making Darkness Descends, while putting their amplifier settings on Endless Pain and listening to Spectrum of Death and Reign in Blood at the same time. Christ on the Cross!!!

Speaking of Christ on the Cross, sorry Exodus, your latest album was never quite the undefeated champion of recent thrash. THIS album was, except it was written by technologically backwards peasants in a third world country and released on a record label that runs out of the back of an antifreeze manufacturing plant. So I never heard of it, even though it came out before Tempo of the Damned. It's like Sepultura, circa 1986. This fucking RULES and no one knows what the fuck this band is.

Speaking of which... Sepultura, better move aside. This album is just as good as Beneath the Remains, making it just about the best damn thing Brasil ever did. Angra, stick it up your can. I hear your mama calling you.

So what the fuck is the actual music like? This is a real fucking nightmare-ish riff fest. Eli Whitney is so fucking proud, because the songs are really "interchangeable thrash parts". Most of them have one main riff-set that defines the theme of the song, and then they throw in some other riffs as counterpoints that totally come out of fucking nowhere. Yes, this band is pretty damn technical, in that Suffocation meets Time Does Not Heal sense. They may not play in 17/13 time like Meshuggah, but fucking god almighty it's Overkill and ANOTHER RIFF, when you least expect it. See for example, "World of Misery", which has the most complicated, technical uber-riff this side of Watchtower. Four distinct parts, mixing a teaser of absurd thrash for about a half-second, and then three parts death-thrash in a way that you just want that riff to come back again, and it does, just the right number of times. 9 songs, 38 minutes, a bazillion riffs. I haven't orgasmed this many times in this short an interval since that time I got my wiener caught in the milking machine.

Oh yeah and it's BRUTAL AS FUCK too. Imagine Suffo cleaning up their guitar tone, to sound like their first EP, but then going balls-to-the-fucking-Godsofwarhavegoneinsane!!!!-wall like they tend to do and just screaming forward with the blastbeats (the good kind, not the Morbid Angel/Dimmu Borgir homoerotic kind) and the guitar riffage down your throat as though there is no tomorrow, there is no today, and even yesterday wasn't really guaranteed. Burning! City of Sodom!!! Yes, this borrows heavily from the Dark Fucking Angel "this is how to play fast" catalogue, with heavy recognition given also to Seven Churches and Endless Pain, while during midpaced moments, it could totally be Forward to Termination or Schizophrenia, or even Pleasure to Kill at times, or Skid Row's Monkey Business.

What, back the transportation device up!!! Horror and Torture!! Slipping off the tracks! Horror and Torture!! A jungle in black! Not quite, but the melody line is kinda similar, except about 74810 times heavier, and they break into the traditional Death Metal "uuurrrrgghhhhhh", but this is really fucking catchy as fuck. There's the occasional Gasoline Dream bass break (Overkill rides again!) and one of the vocalists (I think there's at least two, I refer to the shrieker) sounds like Hypnosia/Morbid Saint/Pleasure to Kill era Mille...

So pretty much what you're getting here is a solid education in Death Thrash. It's like in the third grade, where you had to give a report dressed up as your favourite hero, like Magic Johnson or Adolf Hitler or whatnot. Well, these guys dressed up as THRASHERS and they got an A fucking Plus.

This is simply fucking incredible. Spine-snapping riffs, especially the spontaneous counterpoint ones. Pandemonium has this kinda melodic power metal main riff that sounds like Over My Dead Body (Metal Church) except a bazillion times heavier, and Out of Control has this part in the middle...

man, I'm glad I didn't hear this album - especially that riff!! - for the first time while driving, I would've had the most orgasmic accident ever... Sodom, NEVER AGAIN!!! TAPPING THE VEIN!!! Blam blam blam, tired and red motherfucker. It comes out of nowhere, driving like the rain, except it's a very well-crafted cinderblock to crush your skull (thanks, Chaossphere!!) aimed at a particular trajectory and motherfucking son of a bitch, this works insanely well. Crush the cross!!! The guitar tone is ridiculously heavy, making Reign in Blood sound like fluffy kittens frolicking in the park, and Darkness Descends merely Jesus stepping on them because you masturbated.

There's one song here that isn't brutal thrash - it's an intro to brutal thrash, "Requiem for the Headless", preceding the closer, "The Curse of Sleepy Hollow". The intro is really surprisingly GOOD - you wouldn't think that some generic brick-wielding neanderthals could come up with something that crosses The Hellion (Priest) and Thunderhead (WASP) and any Clint Eastwood western theme (The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly) so fucking well, but damn if it isn't effective as an introduction, because there is one 44 seconds of noise intro, then SIX slabs of blasting, raging, cuntsmashing thrash so pretty much you NEED a break by the time you're getting near the end. There's the break, and then one final slab of complete fucking nuclear armageddon, and then they top the brutality once and for all with the last track, a bit of a Carnivore riff and then a final riff destructionfuck set that comes in like a finishing move only attained by pushing every button at the same time with your fucking skull. MONKEY OF CHRIST ... WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?!?!

Seriously, this is the most excellent thrash album that no one knows anything about. Who the fuck is this band and why can't I find any of their albums on eBay??? Sick-tacular!!