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Thrash Is Now "Trash" and Die Is Now "Dead" - 0%

EvilAllen, January 13th, 2021

Thrash or Die are a pretty stupid group of dudes that apparently perform, what normal individuals would call, "thrash metal". But the problem is, it's actually "trash metal", simply because these guys are "trash", playing "metal". A pretty rude introduction, I know, especially for someone like me. And some of you reading this review 'n' saying/thinking to yourselves that "Oh, he's just jumping on the bandwagon, like everybody else.", no, that's not true. In fact, this is so bad, I keep smiling uncontrollably, because I just want to fucking laugh at how crappy this band's energy and release really is.

Besides the insults getting in the way, I sure hope I can cleanly explain myself in this particular review. So, let's preach about the production of this disaster. First, I think it's sounds really flat. But the flatness is so flat, that it doesn't really pickup on headsets very well. It's like listening to a really poor mix, without a "real" master. The loudness isn't even loud, it's just fucking flat-sounding. Maybe if this release got remastered, then it could be, potentially, a 5% rating in a future review? Because, let's be honest, if anyone rates this with a 100% score, you know that person is a loser.

The guitars have a very old-school, but very "thin" production. The strings don't sound overly-distorted or anything. The riffs are pretty boring, repetitive 'n' unoriginal. In a nutshell, these fools sound a lot like those underrated "thrash metal" bands that are always second-rate. But these guys are like a ninth-rate band with a twelfth-rate talent. The bass really sucks, too. It sounds like a fishing boat's motor that's a couple of miles away during the early hours of the morning to go capture fish. The drums are just your typical, fast-paced, boring, bland patterns that tend to repeat. The vocals remind me of that stupid, fat dog from that one movie, entitled "Tom and Jerry: The Movie" (1993), rolling around eating sweets on a red skateboard. Pretty much just an "angry", "vomit-sounding" gurgle-voice.

The bullshit lyrics he (the vocalist) preaches throughout the songs (not that I really even looked, but can make out a few words, every-so-often), just sound overly-childish. Maybe he was a "problem-child" growing up in the pits of his hometown? I guess he never outgrew his terribly-angry behaviour, for you can really acknowledge the rage he possesses in his very ruffled voice... Guess he should have been punished more often by his parents. And I'm not even trying to make fun of the guy either, he's just this fucking bad, obviously. So are the rest of the group. They have riffs that sound similar to bands that brought these styles to fame in the 1980's (if you really want me to be fair, I guess it's "fair" to say that the solos are a "little" bit exciting, they're incredibly quick and unpredictable, but don't let this statement to go to your head, because everything else really is garbage), the bass was produced in poor taste, the drums aren't anything that we haven't already heard in thrash metal music, and finally, the fucking vocalist (again), all he does is shout things loudly and spit-out puddles of saliva from his mouth, like a goblin, that have no relevance in the performance(s) he does. The artwork is the best thing going for this entire release, because at least that's creative. I mean, it does a good job at reimagining how covers looked in the 1980's. But uh, that's it...

If you're looking for a comedy record in the near-future, pick this up, but not with your money, someone else's money, because nobody in their right mind should spend their own to buy this mistake for themselves... Just borrow the cash from a friend, and buy it that way. This way, you can technically say in a future argument that you never actually bought this album, your friend did, and he'll look like the fucking idiot, not you. Of course this is a fucking joke...right? Because, honestly, this isn't a "serious" album. You have to be more deluded than those restaurants-owners from "Kitchen Nightmares" to actually be legit about that claim (the claim about this album being good, ha-ha-ha...no, it's fucking not).

The end (of this album's existence, I hope).