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The Ogre Packet Slammers > Giant Green Destruction > Reviews
The Ogre Packet Slammers - Giant Green Destruction

Giant Green Waste of Time and Potential - 35%

MRmehman, November 16th, 2020

I'm going to try spending about as much time on this review as I think OPS spent bringing this ugly, green mess into the world because giving it too much attention is almost guaranteed to be counter-productive. To put it bluntly, this album is as forgettable and lazy as the cover art would imply. I went in hoping to listen to maybe half of it, have a good laugh at the ridiculous lyrics and samples, maybe share it on Facebook for my friends to gawk at too, then ultimately move on with my life. I was fully aware the only way I could enjoy this would be with a heaping spoonful of irony in hand and somehow, Giant Green Destruction still couldn't hold my attention.

The first time I heard GGD I gave up after a couple minutes. Not because it's unbelievably bad but because it's boring and generic. I'm not that experienced with deathcore or slam (Old Warf is about as deep as I've gone into the latter genre) but even I found this sounded like something recycled from a dozen or so more popular hardcore acts. No parts stand out to me as either particularly wacky or creative and given the album is basically one, heaving shitpost that's really disappointing. Other than one sample, lazily stapled to the start, there's zero sampling taken from the films or related media (probably down to copyright issues), so for almost the entirety of the album's runtime, you're stuck with a middling local band gargling about swamps and dicks over bland chugs.

Production-wise, The Ogre Packet Slammers are about a notch above a bedroom band. The drums sound ridiculously lifeless, the guitars and bass were probably done with a pre-set and although I actually dug the tone used for the solos the overall production job did nothing for me. Going back to the solos, that was something I felt GGD actually did quite well; they're competent and a lot more interesting that they had any right to be. I'd hear a part I liked, think: "Wait, maybe the album is actually about to get good", then the band would descend back into treading water with some so-so, forgettable deathcore riffs and I'd go back to being bored out of my skull.

Shrek and the borderline folk-art scene it ended up spawning during the 2010's offer such good kindling for a creative, fun project like this. That, in my opinion, is what makes this release so frustrating. Lyrically, this album is again just generic deathcore tripe with a few added references to ogres, swamps and the like. There's nothing remotely funny embedded here, just "grrrrr, beat you up/kill you/eat you" posturing Vulvodynia would have probably tossed out for sounding tired. Again, I think OPS' failure to capitalise on the potential of this album had being based on Shrek leaves it pretty devoid of entertainment value.

I'd equate this album to my first time watching Shrek III or what my partner said when she looked over and saw I was listening to this: "I'm not mad, just disappointed." Fans of the genre might find something redeeming but I'm pretty happy to toss this one Far, Far Away.

Uh... Green Cum Isn't Normal, You Know? - 75%

EvilAllen, August 12th, 2019

The Ogre Packet Slammers are an American deathcore band. However, keep this in mind, I'm not a fan of deathcore...not even a little bit. I feel like it's just an excuse to mix death metal and metalcore together, you know? But I'll admit, as much as I hate deathcore don't take it seriously as a genre, because it's a fucking joke. The Ogre Packet Slammers are a group who I can take seriously... I think they're "seriously" funny. They took a weird-ass topic and went with it. And yeah...they made it work...so that's a little scary. See, with The Ogre Packet Slammers, they can at least create a decent atmosphere and make it functioning correctly...unlike Car Dick Dick Smash and Chainsaw Penis... I honestly hate those two bands and their lame ideas... These guys right here, they make comedy "funny", not "stupid...simply because they know how to create a mixture of existing ideas. Feel free to make me look like a loser for actually liking this...you're just a loser yourself because you know in the back of your mind, that it's not easy being green...OH! Take that, slut! Assuming you're a guy who fucks anybody...or even anything...yikes...offensive language! Hopefully I don't get "censored" for it. Onward!

Now, I still hate deathcore, but it's because of this band is why I'll listen to it...as long as it's them. I'm probably a "fanboy" at this point. But who cares? They use Shrek as their primary theme. And who doesn't like Shrek? I mean come on, he's literally a fat, deformed Hulk...right? Now, with all this shit out of the way, I think it's kind of safe to dive into the important stuff. So... Let's begin with the band's artwork for this album. It appears to be taken from a "meme", which features Shrek. I guess we can pretend the city is Detroit, a scummy place filled with crime and murder. If metal can make shit cool, then go for it. It's a really interesting experiment. The clarity of the audio is modern, crisp and clear...naturally it would be these days... HD everything, am I right? Well, HQ would even be correct to say as well. The vocals are really low, reminds me of the vocalist from Vulvectomy, the slam band. Same pig grunts and vocal style. But with this band, it sounds like it's an actual pig, learning how to speak English. The lyrics are totally radical and funny. It takes some wild imagination to write about such murderous nonsense, that involves people reading the "beware" sign...normally before they "die" in most cases. Read them yourself. It's hard not to chuckle at the fucked up shit.

The guitars provide some heavy leads, breakdowns and just riffs in general. Even some interesting solos. The guitars are loaded with heavy-distorted plugins that make the guitars sound really thick, basically fat in itself...just like Shrek. I suppose a lot of time and effort was actually put into everything. Most songs must be pushing well-over 200 BPM. This is some crazy shit at rapid-like speeds. The bass isn't really noticed, however, with a decent headset, you can feel the driving force, instead of actually hearing the audio of it in itself. The drums are insanely-fast. Like a mental nutcase who broke out of the institute. Even traditional thrash metal bands I hear don't play drums this rapidly. Back to the guitars for a minute, it's also worth noting that the solos are actually "melodic", they have a lot of emotional vibes. Not the "shredding" style. This music could uplift someone who has difficulties in life. Seriously, this shit is for the soul...never mind that chicken soup bullshit... This music is powerful, aggressive, weird stupid...but fun...and funny at that. I like it, even if it's stupid. Bands like these guys, become infamous and are rarely talked about. But in today's world, that's actually a good thing. I hope they make another record soon. I just hope it doesn't suck. This shit delivers and it delivers quite well. So...all-in-all... While green cum isn't normal (and especially not healthy), it does provide a "nasty" green "glow"...like glow-in-the-dark clay...yeah...that!

Please make it stop - 0%

GreogianChant, July 7th, 2019
Written based on this version: 2019, Digital, Independent

I don’t know what it is with deathcore these days, but something infected it for the worst. I think it started with Infant Annihilator when they came out with The Elysian Grandeval Galeriarch. In itself, not a bad record, but I would’ve never thought that in the current years bands would be ripping off the album heavily. So with that being said, I don’t want to waste your time having you read this as much as I don’t want to waste mine writing it.

Anthony Fantano once said that there's a lot of bad deathcore out in the world, and then quickly named Venom Prison as an example of good "deathcore". I don't know what he was thinking when it came to Venom Prison, but they aren't deathcore. Something he did say that resonated with me was that there was a lot of bad deathcore. Sadly, this is one of those albums from a band I wish I never listened to or heard of in the first place. I would've preferred if they never existed all together. They're every cliche I hate about modern deathcore packed (no pun intended) into one slob of badly played, badly produced brocore.

I'll start firstly with the instruments. The guitar work is painful to listen to. You've got your tremolo picked riffs that are common with deathcore, but they alternate very rapidly and awkwardly with the chugged riffs. It's like the guitarist doesn't know whether he wants to play a chugged riff or a tremolo picked riff. He seems to do this a lot, most notably on the title track. These alternate changes on both verses get extremely repetitive very quickly and it seems like there's no change ups coming apart from the usual breakdown. I won't even get into the bass because that's barely audible.

I absolutely refuse to believe that this "Bret Hollingsworth" actually played any sort of drums on this album. It says that he's listed as playing an actual drum set, but again I refuse to believe it. How these drums sound THIS flat is so bizarre to me. The song Full Moon is a clear example of how fucking ridiculous they sound. That intro drum fill sounds way too programmed and hideous to be real. I don't even particularly mind drum machines, with a band like Coprocephalic being a prime example of a drum machine sounding natural. This, however, just isn't acceptable to put out in the current state that it is.

Now, I've said my fair share of ripping on these guys for being Infant Annihilator clones (I mean for christ sake, they have a 7 minute song on here that may as well be their own Dollar Store version of "Behold the Kingdom of the Wretched Undying"). However, aside the instrumentals being mixed to shit and bland as hell, the vocals are what really take the cake. I can't count how many times I keep hearing that Dickie Allen tunnel throat high scream on my own fingers. I don't get what it is about vocalists in this genre constantly doing that technique, but it got old the moment Signs of the Swarm started doing it. It's not creative and just sounds so annoying when you're doing it on EVERY song. He can't even switch it up and do a regular high scream; it's the same overdone and boring tunnel throat high that we've all heard for the past 3 or 4 years at this point.

I'm not gonna get in too much on the production because honestly what fucking production? According the archives page for this album it was mixed solely by their guitarist Mikey Sol. Who allowed this? If he wanted to go for the modern deathcore "cleanly produced" and "overblown" style of production then he might as well have nailed it. The vocals are mixed way too high to hear any sort of guitar work being done, the bass just isn't there despite Mikey having bass playing credits, and the drums aren't even mixed properly to being with. The opening track has Greg Gilbert from Shrine of Malice as a feature, but his "feature" is mixed like garbage. It doesn't know whether it want's to be up front and center or in the background.

I'm done. I'm done talking about this heap of shit. It's taking too much of my time away from things I could actually enjoy doing. Fuck this band and fuck this album. Would not recommend unless you like Within Destruction or some shit. Fuck them too.

Final score: 0/100.