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Hahaha. But seriously... - 10%

morbert, April 14th, 2009

There's been much talk about this band. And most of the talk has come from the band themselves. . Most of the time being busy with image-building and provocation. Pathetic? Yes, actually it is. Type-O-Negative did similar things in their earliest days but they at least had great music to back up their claims. Now, this shamefull self-profilation has been a reason for a few years to just ignore these boys I prefer my bands focussing on the music and if they have something to say, that's what the lyric sheet and booklet are for.

But recently after seeing more and more positive reviews by professional mags as well as some low profile online zines, I tried to finally give them a spin and got my hands on "Trivmvirate" and this "The White Crematorium" thingy. And all I can say after listening to both of them for about a week in between really good albums is: what a joke.

Let me elaborate: First song, a really bad grunt. Just your generic second half of the nineties growl with no dynamics whatsoever. Guitars are downtuned but the riffs sound like monkeys throwing mud over the very digital (and probably extremly computerised and quantised) sounding drums. One and a half minute of blending lesser-era Morbid Angel with brainless Mortician woodchipping. Then all of a sudden a change... The band totally goes Cradle Of Filthy including some spoken mumbling and a keyboard-choir before going into full speed again. Well, full speed on the drums that is. Only incidentally the guitars decide to go along in the pace but most of the time it's generic slow righthand 'chugging' with incidental 'notes' here and there but not enough to call them 'riffs'.

And that's the story which goes for the entire album. Either the drummer goes full (blast) speed trying something between Morbid Angel and Mortician and the soundscape is filled up with the mud coming from guitars and vocals or it's bombastic middel-era Cradle Of Filth (here and there even WITH a Dani-like scream) and a bit of Dimmu Dorknagar thrown in but without equally memorable melodies. Oh, and the part of the Dutch national anthem in "1567 - Under the Blood Campaign"...Sodom did that trick once (with the German anthem of course) and it just isn't funny anymore. And those lyrics feel like they've just been copied from a grammar school history pamflet. Painful.

Bombast, bombast and yes, bombast! No substance, no classic riffs, no great breaks. The more I listen to this, the more I get the feeling it is actually a great joke.
The emperor's clothes I you know what I mean. It's all a joke and they'll probably admit that after a breakthrough they expect to have someday soon?
Read the story of The KLF and you'll problably understand. Only, The Monolith Deathcult haven't written their "THE MANUAL (how to have a number one the easy way)" yet...
Ignore this. I'm glad more serious bands Gorefest and Pestilence came back to save Holland's death metal image.