Anomaly

I honestly have no idea how I’m going to sit down and write an analysis about “Anomaly” that doesn't result in me chucking my monitor out the window, but I’ve decided to give it a shot anyway. After all, I made it through “Anomaly,” so this should be a cakewalk. This album was written and released by some Swedes that call themselves The Defaced, and I found they were often associated with groove metal, which is what it is. I mean Machinery (Swedish post-thrash/groove/whatever) is a great band, and I figured “Anomaly” would be pretty sweet if it were anything like one of Machinery’s records, but I was soon eating my optimism like a fat lady annihilating cake. This is undeniably one of the worst records I’ve ever heard.

The Defaced basically take the nastiest blueprint of melodic death metal ala Soilwork or In Flames and stitch it on so many obscure and ridiculous influences that the whole record sounds like Bill O’Reilly teaching evolutionary biology. Alternative rock, nu-metal, groove, death metal, thrash...I need a guide to follow along. The Defaced shift from one identity to the other with no coherency or reasoning, which a lot of groups do, but shit, these dudes manage to break the crap-o-meter's threshold. It's melodic nu-death groove/alternative rockish metal, and it hurts and I want it to go away.

A Soilwork knockoff titled "Remaining Eternal" stapled to generic riffs and poor song writing instigates the cycle of defecation; obviously not a good way to start the attack. Suddenly, "Flame to Life" begins spewing nu-metal everywhere underneath the melodic death metal edge. "Remaining Eternal" now seems like the best song ever written. The crime only gets worse when The Defaced go at the alternative-ballad pissfest that smells like Saliva or Linkin Park on "In Solitude Entwined," eventually giving it another shot (as if the first one wasn't bad enough) throughout "Renewal Defined" with whiny vocals and ghastly stop-start instrumentation. "Imprisoned Insolence" and "Turn to Incomplete" actually have opening riffs that are kind of thrashy; nothing extraordinary, but in this case anything above garbage is. Sure enough, we eventually end up smelling the stinky stench of generic nu-metal. Surprise, surprise. "Imprisoned Insolence" also has a blast beat section, but don't be fooled into thinking the age-old equation (ZOMG!!1! BLUSTBEATZ = FOOKIN SWEET) means anything important, because the song is still a chunk-blower and accomplishes precisely jackshit.

More importantly, The Defaced are a lifeless band. Jens Broman, the vocalist, can growl, whine, howl, sing, and maybe dance if I could see him, but there is no might or force in his voice. The percussion is manufactured beyond reasoning, the guitars sloppy, the bass a prisoner to the production's crystal clarity...it's all such a mess. I don't even know what to say. A lot of this stuff sounds carelessly unfastened and sloppy, yet The Defaced continues chugging along in a lifeless trance, buried in so many influences even the melting pot demands a raise. Terrible sound quality, terrible performances, terrible songs, terrible music. DEAR FUCKING GOD!

I've heard a lot of horrible music in my day. You know, the stuff that would haunt the dreams of metal novices, fill Odin's tankard with apple juice, or make Cthulhu crawl back to the depths of R'lyeh and curl up on his bed of bones in insurmountable disdain, but this…this is just embarrassing. The Defaced fail to capture the listener’s attention, sideswipe various forms of rock/metal for mundane reasons, and are absolutely clueless. Yes, clueless is the critical point I’m trying to formulate; that one word sums up everything you need to know about “Anomaly,” and as I said before, it’s a monolithic plod of blockbuster proportions. If there are souls that dare partake in this hallowing voyage, bring puke buckets. It'll save time later, trust me.

This review was written for: www.Thrashpit.com