Forthcoming Storm

One of the hardest things you have to face as a writer of reviews is an album that is neither good nor bad. There is nothing to guide your sophisticated hand of infallible and godlike criticism in any real direction. No coloured enthusiasm of a fanboy with the deep desire to start a cult for a simple work of art or at least some good old flaming hatred of vengeance for the disappointed consumer. Shit. But for the stupid sake of balance, you look around your favorite genres to find some poor bastards you can declare as "Meh" to go on with your day and your life of valued extremes. Sorry Svartahrid, I will accept my asskicking in the nearest parking lot with grace. Just not in the face please, I am a delicate nerdy flower!

Releasing a mediocre black/pagan/viking album in the nineties was not an indicator for an immediate death of the project, if you succeded in capturing the genre's angry tropes, arrogant maneurisms and rusty clichès, the hungry fanbase was quite forgiving. Don't crush my balls with a hammer, I really like "In times before the light" by Covenant, but holy christ on a lunchbox, did these guys use a worn out and stale recipe or what? It did not matter in the end, because the finished offering was so damn charming and magical. On the other side of the equation we have Svartahrid. They did nothing wrong, but they most certainly did nothing right either. It's not the fact that I heard it all before, it's the fact that they played everything so safe and within the parameters of the zeitgeist that I am actually bored by a rebellious and heroic black/pagan metal album. Start this bloody battle without me, please. Even the band name sounds mediocre.

"Forthcoming storm" is neither exceptionally brutal nor surpisingly heartwarming or even world changing melodic. It's not too fast or too slow. The vocals are exactly like you imagine them by looking at the artwork. A mid range screamer without real auditory characteristics. Just someone from the pack, no leader or charismatic traitor. The potential escapism gets interrupted by the smell of burning enemies that did not need to die in the first place.

Everything is just a damn compromise by people that clearly love this kind of music (no argument about that!) but do not posess or even want the tools to raise it to greater heights.The broad carpets of synth and electric choirs with the occasional classical piano strumming as ornamental frames are always so fucking "there" without really grabbing you by the throat as they should. They are mostly really simple and don't make the most out of this limitation. You don't imagine frosty dreamlands or grim barbarians while hearing them, just a dude in a studio, holding a piano chord longer than he ought to. The genius behind Falkenbach did it right, the guy of Svartharid just did it.

I can't remember a single guitar riff after listening to this album multiple times. They are sometimes quite rock-ish, decently epic or foggy and atmospheric, yes. But so are the millions of other guitar tracks on the planet. The power chords and tremolo offerings don't have their own distinctive smell. They are performed without lustful desire, only with grim familiarity. The dark folk dance sections are not that awesome if you have been partying, wandering and posing in your head with Kampfar or Windir before. I have been at this campfire of triumph already and while you guys as tonight's entertainment are really okay, the other ones were so much better. Sorry.

Same goes for the drums. Yes, he can play, yes, he is tight, yes, I really don't give a shit. Like the rest of the performance, the drums offer silent competence instead of wild innocence, no real fire, only a professional light show for young and old. The blasts are scandinavic standard and no speedy adventure of a passionate heart. And let us get one thing straight: Doublebass drumming was invented to push people's perception of drama and dynamics to higher realms, not to be some kind of filler because you don't know what to do with the empty spaces inside your compositions. What the hell is he actually doing this stuff for? If I, the listener, don't care about your doublebass or sometimes don't even notice it as something that is supposed to be noticed, it can be seen as a clear sign that you fucked something up, my man!

This album works really well as high quality backround music, which is probably one of the worst compliments that you can give a band. The music is not disturbing your peace and not enlightening your fighting spirit. Sometimes, it's better than silence. Meh.