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Do the what dance? - 25%

NocturnalToke, July 31st, 2005

Ok haha, very cute....stop hiding Ashton, the jig is up! Oh, but sadly this jokeis NO joke! You know, power metal is a strange animal in that the album can and will do ONLY one of two things and that is either, perform a musical castration of the listener rendering him powerless to hit the STOP'll be kinda, sorta, not really that good but not that bad. Those are the only two things that ever happen, and if you can guess by the score above, guess which one happened to me?!

This album, wow am i using that term, is in a word....horrendous. It just goes to show ya that drugs & alcohol aren't always positive influences in music and they may morph you into a talentless, blithering hack. This is what has happened to the boys in Stratovarisucks. They've been around for some time, released some OK material and all of a sudden they drop off.....and then like a John Edwards "miracle" (You said your mother wore blue shoes? Oh dear sweet baby jesus, he's right!) they come back from the dead. Wow, what could a marginally talented band have to say after a short leave of seemingly blissful absence. DO THE FUCKING MANIAC DANCE! No ladies and gentlemen, i kid you not....please, 'DO' the maniac dance if you could please. The riffs, they're juvenile, poppish and univentive. All the characteristics of a comeback album being headed by a total fucking wreck of human being. The drumming has, get this shit, DIGRESSED from the past Strato albums into this bon jovi esque "hard-radio rock" percussion that may produce an epileptic fit if listened to for too long. The bass just finds itself trying to keep up with everyone else, and believe me it's hard to keep up with people who don't know what they're doing.

To dissect every song would be useless here, i'm just here to forewarn those who are die-hard fans. I'm trying to stop a visit to the hospital to see grandpa, or at least whats left of him after being pricked, prodded, tubed for 10 plus years. My point being, it isn't going to be the same grandpa who used to slip you fifty bucks for mouthing off to your incompetant grandmother. Just stay the fuck away from this garabage. You want to talk about artistic merit? I think barnyard animal porn has more thought behind it than this piece of shit. And i find it even more humorous that THIS is the album they saw fit the title after the fucking bands name, wise wise move boys. Way to leave a nasty taste in your fans mouths.