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the worst thing ever released on a major (?) label - 1%

caspian, August 31st, 2011

This is really, genuinely horrible. The production is solid enough and the guitarist does some cool solos, but mostly this album hangs around "bad bedroom black metal" level, which is one below Nightwish level. This album wishes it could sound as, er, good as your average deathcore band. Authentically bad music that unfortunately has neither the laughs of your average BBM... and at least Nightwish tend towards shorter songs. Again, the guitar solos aside- Soul of a Vagabond, Papillion both have some decently fiery lead work- this is bad music. It's worse than pretty much any pop artist you care to name- at least that stuff has catchy song writing and (generally) a far superior vocalist. I would rather listen to Kei$ha, I'd put on Beiber over this.

Am I trolling? Nope, it really is that bad. Pick all the most egregrious cliches from euro power, make them 10x worse and.. you're still not even close. The powerless vocals that really struggle in the higher registers (at their worst in the ironically titled 'Find Your Own Voice'), those trademark Euro "chord progression" riffs, the triggered-to-the-shithouse drums, the synths, the synths, the synths, the synths. Oh, and all the lyrics are really, really bad- best example is the hideous Lennon-esque monstrosity that's Fantasia, though any song will do fine.

It sounds bad but the combined mix of the profoundly dickless guitars, weak ass vocals and horrible keyboard rape is a good deal worse that the sum of its' parts. Fantasia as previously mentioned is a good enough example of why this album is so truly horrendous; the cheesy synths struggling and ultimately failing to provide the epic atmosphere they desperately try to provide, the complete lack of interesting guitar lines (YES EURO CHORD PROGRESSIONSSS), the unspeakable vocals that try and fall - really badly- at carrying the song. You've got the stalinist atrocity bad polka/paganini-core (just made that up!)/"cough cough we're influenced by classical things" abomination that's Stratofortress, one of the most pointless, offensive and cliched things you've ever heard.

You could go on and on; a 4 year old with down's would find the title track stupid and overwrought to the point where it's well beyond a parody; Eagleheart manages to be both instantly forgettable and really irritating; who thought it'd be a good idea to repeat the vocal melody with the guitar (who thought that vocal melody would be a good idea????)? As you progress through the album, questions mount. Does anyone listen to this unironically? How'd they find a producer who'd be willing to record this? Is this actually a pisstake on euro-power/flower metal in general? Why would a loving god bestow such a horror upon us?

This is the fourth time I've listened to this all the way through and it's just getting worse and worse. There's maybe 3 ok-ish guitar solos in the whole thing so I won't give it a zero, but a 1% seems generous? There is no reason for anyone to ever listen to this album, let alone buy it. Unquestionably the worst "professional" release I've ever heard.