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So, is this supposed to be good or something? - 30%

Minion, January 17th, 2004

Here's a tip: It's not.

This is total and utter pig feces. Let me start off by saying, "Where are the riffs? WHERE ARE THE RIFFS?!" The only guitar sound we get here is Timo Tolkki's aimless soloing, where he does solos just to prove he can. And the thing is, we already are given that from the keyboards! How much aimless improvisation can one band have?! Oh, and Timo Kotipelto (also, how many guys named Timo can one band have?) sounds like he just took a big shot of liquid valium. He's sounds like a fucking fairy, with his happy soaring vocals that every other power metal band in the world creams over.

Even the atmosphere is crap. It is WAY too damn happy for a metal band. And I've heard Nightwish. This sounds like something a gay psychologist would play in his office.

Eagleheart. The album just started and already we are sucking on all cylinders. Actually, this isn't metal at all. This is some sort of pop/rock hybrid that adds even more to this already overflowing septic tank of an album. Overexaggerated wanking guitars over happy keyboards and The Ritalin Man, Timo Kotipelto, shouting about God knows what. Probably about a hot beef injection by Tolkki.

Soul Of A Vagabond. Now this sucks more than usual. There is barely any guitars in the main verses, leaving just Kotipelto to fuck around randomly trying to sound as fruity as possible. Then some inspirational chorus, that I think is about staying strong and believing in your womanhood, and back to that no-substance main verse! Fun fun fun fun! That's all their is.

The rest of the album is exactly like that, with varying degrees of wanking on their various instruments. And, also, simple drums that even a six-year-old could play. Dammit, I can't listen to this shit anymore. This is worse than Elvenking. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid it like the plague.