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Dis ist Crap, No? - 6%

DawnoftheShred, July 23rd, 2009

I’ll admit it, 90’s pop music isn’t really my specialty. Even as a child, I never really had an ear for it: the super catchy vocal hooks, the sugary sweet sing-along nature of it all, the dance-beat baloney that every 90’s group was so fond of; I needed some heavy guitars and forceful drums destroying my adolescent ears, dammit! I was clearly fated to be a metal fan, so I spent as little time as possible listening to the fluff. As such, I can’t really say that I’m qualified to be reviewing the stuff and I never really planned on it, until I stumbled upon this bastard of a Scorpions album. Perhaps if I could review it as a pop album I could be more gracious, but as this is the Metal Archives and the Scorpions are (were) a metal band, I think it’s safe to say that it eats gargantuan donkey dick and stands undisputedly as the band’s worst album

Eye II Eye is the Scorpions gone AOR, shedding any metal edge they had left for wuss-rock leanings not far removed from things that U2 have done, not to mention Bush (remember “The Chemicals Between Us?” Anyone?”) or any number of 90’s pop rockers. Tired of diminished album sales I’m sure, the once awe-inspiring Germans adopt a Euro-trash image fit with techno drum beats, gimmicky sound effects (that little ‘boop’ in “To Be No. 1” is my representative), and a harmless guitar tone. Solos have been pulled back to novelty status, Klaus’ vocal melodies are saccharine and equally inoffensive. Even their already suffering ballads somehow get worse, with uber-pop like “Obsession” only a hair above similar material by…without exaggeration….the Backstreet Boys. I understand the band still defends this thing, saying that despite its experimental nature, it’s still a traditional Scorpions album at heart. Granted, there are glimmers of heavy metal in certain riffs, such as in “Yellow Butterfly” or “Mind Like a Tree,” but they are glimmers only, without any substance. It’s 99.9% fluff kids, the kind of CD your mother would ask you to burn for her, while you shake your head and vow to never listen to anything this shameful ever again.

OSS nailed it: Eye II Eye is one of the worst albums from an otherwise metal band you could hope to find. No more elaboration is really needed. If you had any respect for the Scorps of the past, you can happily forget this piece of shit ever existed.