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Pure, fresh beast vagina - 23%

CadenZ, May 13th, 2017

The other day, meaning today, I was wondering: what if all things had their own soundtrack? A sound of its very own. Why is this kind of idiotic thing occupying my, even as it is, crowded mind? Well… I’m supposed to write a review about Swedish war *cough* metal *snicker* battalion *shart* Sabaton’s new album. If plastic would have a soundtrack, it would be this. And I’m not talking good plastic like the one used in fake boobs or rubber dildos, I’m talking sterile fucking plain and boring plastic of which catheters used in cattle inseminators are made. You know, a blend of a) total lack of any odor, emotion or feeling and b) pure, fresh beast vagina. And rape by assfisting. Meaning shit. Actually, I might be a little too harsh on the inseminators – they actually serve a purpose. Sabaton does not.

Sabaton plays power metal. I like power metal if it’s done well. I love some Helloween albums, Rhapsody’s first has some good tunes, Blind Guardian’s “Nightfall in Middle-Earth” is one of my all-time favorite albums etc. What these examples of fine power metal have that Sabaton doesn't, is… well, everything. Let’s take a look at three examples:

What do we want? Good memorable songs that don’t rip off a gazillion other bands. A unique flavor, a sound of their own.

What does Sabaton give us? Stale, dorky, stompy anthems that hold no value whatsoever and bring absolutely nothing new to the table. Only the die-hard fans can call this catchy – the quality of all melodies, riffs, song structures, build-ups etc is so sub-par, it’s frightening to think of the fact that this is not a teenage demo band taking their first tentative steps at making their very own Teutonic metal songs in honor of their heroes. Singing about Auschwitz and Nazis doesn’t make you unique. Or better, for that matter.

What more do we need? A charismatic vocalist with a clear, strong voice. Crucial in this genre.

What do we get? A raspy singer who doesn’t suck too fucking bad but he’d be better off taking some vocal technique lessons. He’s not got much power, he’s off pitch at times, and apparently, he’s got no control of his breath support, as his tone falters quite often. I liked his rolling R’s at first, they made me chuckle a few times, but they get a little tiresome at length. And lastly…

What are our most precious cravings? A huge load of freakin’ passion in the execution! This is, after all, supposed to be the manliest and most macho of all metal genres!

And we are awarded? No. We are not awarded.

Other than this we get an un-organic production in which all the separate instruments sound OK, but the overall result has them disjointed, as if the five friends were trying to hold hands in an occult circle in honor of Kai Hansen, but they’re just a liiittle bit too far from each other to complete the holy/unholy ritual. Meaning, we don’t get a full, rich soundscape but a powerless and sterile production with very little punch in it. If the synth pads were muted from the background, this would sound as empty as my fucking brain is after listening to this album twice.

There are some glimmers of hope on “Coat of Arse”, believe it or not; the guitar solos are quite nice and the last (fucking last – why put the best song last?!) song, “Metal Ripper”, has some cool moments in it with loads of syncopated accents in the chorus, which holds up to the power metal standards of catchy sing-along arena status. More of this, guys.

In all honesty, I actually understand why this band has so many followers, why they sell thousands of records and get booked on tours all over the world. It’s really rather simple, it’s for the same reason as to why reality shows get air time and why George W. Bush got re-elected: people are stupid. There, I said it. Homo sapiens is going down the fucking drain so fast that even the Millennium Falcon couldn’t catch us with a hyperspace jump. We’d be better off just letting go and screaming in glee as we plummet down the shitter. Or in Sabaton’s case – better shut up.

Dig your own foxholes, or dig your own grave - 79%

Brainded Binky, January 14th, 2014

Sabaton. What can we say about them? Are they true masters of power metal that deliver awesome songs about fighting Nazis, or are they putrid wannabes that keep recording their same songs over and over and branding them as new ones? I'm more towards loving their stuff, since I am a big history buff like they are, but I do know that there are some qualities of Sabaton that show that they don't exhibit their full potential. "Coat of Arms" is the best example of their flaws. It really isn't a terrible album, all things considered, (I mean, I do like it), but there are definitely some problems with the music on here.

Have you ever heard a song from a particular band that you feel that you've heard before from another? Yep, you get that feeling when you listen to "Coat of Arms". The only exception is that Sabaton seems to be copying THEMSELVES to create some of the songs on here. It's like they took an older song of theirs, put a coat of paint on it, and then called it a new song. Take for instance "Aces in Exile", a song about foreign pilots from countries taken over by Nazi Germany that join the British Royal Air Force. The lyrics are inspiring, but all of this doesn't really add up, cos the song itself sounds like a complete clone of "40:1". The lyrics are about people from countries that the Nazis conquered standing up to fight them, just like "40:1", The song begins with Joakim and co. singing part of the chorus, just like "40:1", and it's got a catchy chorus and a peppy, upbeat melody.....JUST LIKE "40:1". The resemblances between the two songs are so similar, that the only difference between them is that "Aces in Exile" is at a different tempo than "40:1". That's it. That's the only way to distinguish between the songs.

There are other songs that are flawed like "Aces in Exile", cos they suffer the same problem; they sound almost exactly like other songs that Sabaton has written in the past. The synthesizer riff in the title track kind of sounds like the synthesizer solo in "Ghost Division". Oh IS the synthesizer solo in "Ghost Division"!! What, could Daniel Myhr's creativity only go so far? What's the deal here? Wait, there's more! The synthesizer solo in "The Final Solution" almost sounds completely like the guitar solo in "Cliffs of Gallipoli", and "Uprising" sounds like a direct clone of the title track of "The Art of War". I mean, listen! There's a slow synthesizer intro that is interrupted by guitars and a slow to mid-paced song with an epic-sounding synthesizer riff, both are also found on "The Art of War". The synthesizer riffs in both songs sound eerily similar to each other, so much so that you'd think that Sabaton would have only needed to change the lyrics of one of their older songs to create a new one! Gee, it must have been quite a slow week for Joakim and the boys, cos judging by some of the songs on here, their creativity must have tanked completely when they recorded them (no pun intended).

However, I did say that the album isn't terrible, though. There are some songs on here that are totally enjoyable. "Wehrmacht", for example, is a mid-paced song with a grinding, crunching, evil-sounding guitar/synthesizer riff that resembles a sort of terrifying, unstoppable war machine bent on conquering and destroying all in its path (which is basically what the subject matter is). It really puts the image of a group of impassive Nazi soldiers goose-stepping to the beat of the song in the mind of the listener, and the fact that the chorus is sung in bass/baritone form only punctuates that image. It's a song that totally describes how powerful and sinister this massive invasion force was. I also enjoyed "The White Death", a song about a Finnish sniper that killed hundreds of Soviet soldiers during the Winter War of 1939 and was incredibly hard to kill. It has an upbeat and galloping riff that captures the mood of how triumphant the guy was in accomplishing the feat of being the most feared sniper in all of the Finnish army. And then there's "Screaming Eagles", my personal favorite song on the album, cos it's one of the most fast-paced songs on it. That fast tempo, combined with the aggressive and desperate-sounding guitar riffs, creates the setting of American soldiers surrounded by Nazis with no reinforcements coming to help them out, which is basically what the song is about; the last major victory the Nazis had before they lost the war.

Just as there are some good songs to listen to on the album, there is also an equal number of songs that are bland and boring cos I've totally heard them before, just in a different form. I consider this album the lowest point in Sabaton's career, cos much of the songs on here aren't as fresh and original as anything from their previous releases. Despite that, there still are quite some powerful and epic songs that you can headbang to on it, so it's not completely ruined or anything. If you don't enjoy the album, like I did, that's fine, cos I can totally understand the reasons for you being dissatisfied with it. It's a good album, but it's not excellent or anything that's super special or one of a kind. It's just an album that isn't the best Sabaton album to date.

Joakim & ye Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat of SUCK - 35%

naverhtrad, December 28th, 2012

There was a young man in the land of the Middle Kingdom, whose name was naverhtrad; and that young man was heavy and solid, and one that worshipped metal, and eschewed poseurdom. And there was given unto him a massive appreciation for all things metal. His substance also was a great library of traditional and melodic metal numbering over two hundred and fifty albums. He was perhaps not to be counted amongst the greatest of metalheads, but he was nevertheless respectable.

Now there was a day when the sons of the Great Lord Dio came to present themselves before him, and Sabaton also came among them. And the Great Lord Dio said unto Sabaton, Whence comest thou? Then Sabaton answered Dio, From going to and fro in the earth, from Greece to Norway, from Bastogne to Midway, collecting stories of modern warfare and setting them to power metal tunes. And the Great Lord Dio said unto Sabaton, Hast thou considered my servant naverhtrad, that is a respectable and upright metalhead, and escheweth poseurdom? Then Sabaton answered Dio, doth naverhtrad worship metal for nought? Hast thou not made an hedge about his ears, and about all he hath on every side? But put forth thine hand now; and allow him to listen to
Coat of Arms, and he will curse thee to thy face! And the Great Lord Dio said unto Sabaton, Behold, he hath bought a copy of thine album; his listening is in thy power. And Sabaton went forth from the presence of the Great Lord Dio.

And there was a day when naverhtrad listened to
Coat of Arms, prepared to reap yet another dose of solid, perhaps a bit flowery, perhaps a bit thematically problematic, but ultimately enjoyable power metal. Whereupon Sabaton fell upon him, and threw those hopes mercilessly aside. For behold, here was indeed an album which wasted so much of what had made Sabaton great in Primo Victoria, and yet somehow managed to retain all of the former album’s flaws. And lo, naverhtrad did cry unto the thundering heavens,

The bombastic operatic and choral elements which had proven effective on Primo Victoria are pumped up well past the acceptable Turisas threshold on tracks like ‘Coat of Arms’, ‘Uprising’ and ‘The Final Solution’, and ‘Wehrmacht’ to a lesser extent (which upholds the rule that if you sing in Latin and you aren’t Rage, you are going to come off as a tool). The basic riff on ‘Coat of Arms’ is actually not particularly terrible, but one’s attention is drawn invariably to the much-overused synthesiser effects, which make the whole thing sound completely poncey. When you’re writing a song even only tangentially about the Battle of Thermopylae, the last fucking thing you want to do is sound poncey… well, given the NAMBLA-approved proclivities of ancient Spartan society, perhaps that might not be entirely inaccurate… but it still makes for a horrible idea on a metal album! Both ‘The Final Solution’ and ‘Uprising’ also have shamelessly overused choral effects and Dan Mÿhr’s synthesiser work. Perhaps the band meant to make the songs sound more atmospheric? But unfortunately that didn’t seem to have worked, since both just come off flat. The choral bridges sound so pitch-perfect, subdued and saccharine, it’s like it came off a recent Nightwish album. Come on, man, where’s the emotion? You’re talking about the Warsaw Ghetto and the fucking Holocaust, for Chrissakes, not elves and faeries!

The reverse problem holds true for ‘Midway’ and ‘Metal Ripper’, which have been stripped down to the point of utter inanity. When ‘Midway’ started up, I was expecting a Paragon-flavoured balls-to-the-wall boot-to-the-face, so powerful was the riff. But the riff never went anywhere, unless it was to yield completely to Sundström’s bass and Mÿhr’s damnably omnipresent keyboards whilst Brodén mumbled his vocals into a ham radio with an echo filter or something. Speaking of the lyrics, they go beyond cheesy to fucking ridiculous: ‘Midway! Midway! Naval war!’ Um, congrats, Joakim, you can do a Wikipedia search. ‘To win the fight, tactics are crucial?’ Nooo… you don’t say? I never would have guessed! What, are you trying to follow in Kenny Loggins’ footsteps to get in on the next Jerry Bruckheimer soundtrack? Oh well, at least that song’s the shortest one on the album. And speaking of heinous songwriting, the descendants of the foreign pilots highlighted in ‘Aces in Exile’ ought to sue. The thematics of that song are completely inappropriate! Listen to the rhythm – however metallised, it’s a jig! Aye, we be the fightin’ Irish Poles, Czechoslovaks and Canadians, God bless ye, sir, aren’t ye proud of us now? Why not just write a fucking limerick and be done with it? Ooh, ooh, I’ve got one!

There once was a band from Dalarna,
Who were cursed with bad songwriting karma.
They tried to be solemn,
But the label fell on ‘em,
Said you’ve got to write airs with more charm-a.

Okay, maybe I’m being a bit unfair here. ‘Screaming Eagles’ and ‘White Death’ are unavoidably awe-inspiring, taking all of the best bits from Primo Victoria and distilling them down to their basic essences: ‘Screaming Eagles’ exceeds ‘Into the Fire’ in its sheer aggression and overbearing momentum (can anyone say ‘faster than a laser bullet?’), powered by the unrelenting pounding of the double-bass, and ‘White Death’, with its decidedly expert lead guitarwork (particularly on the chorus), has a definite old-school vibe which would make the Great Lord Dio grin broadly from his heavenly throne. This is powerful power metal which in some part restores my faith in Sabaton’s abilities as a band.

Unfortunately, even considering that the token ‘heavy meta’ song at the end of each Sabaton album gimmick has worn more than a bit thin, ‘Metal Ripper’ blows. They’re not even trying to make it witty anymore; at this point, they’re just stringing together a bunch of gratuitous references and putting them to a Lordi-school dumbed-down mildly-powered hard-rock number. Noooo, thanks.

The most frustrating part of this album is, I know Sabaton are capable of more and better than this, if Primo Victoria and the couple of tracks I heard from Carolus Rex are any indication. But this album… everywhere you turn it seems to be watered-down, dumbed-down or overblown, and even the good tracks feel more like throwbacks to Primo Victoria than like any sort of logical, meaningful progression! O Great Lord Dio, why hast thou allowed this album to see the light of day?

Thereupon, naverhtrad rent his robes and poured ashes upon his head. But not once did a blasphemous word against metal pass from his lips. For he knew in his heart that perhaps one day, Sabaton would do far better.

7 / 20

Ad victoriam! - 80%

Lord_Lexy, January 13th, 2011

Sabaton’s star is rising fast. Only four years ago, I saw them as the opening act for Therion. The venue wasn’t full yet but the Swedes gaves their very best. Only two years later they were the first act on Graspop Metal Meeting’s main stage (Graspop is Belgium’s biggest heavy metal festival, with as many as 130,000 visitors during three days). They played at noon, a time when the regular festivalgoer is still sleeping or fighting his hangover. But that day, things were different. Nearly ten thousand metalheads gathered at the main stage and formed the “biggest crowd the band has ever played for”. What is it that makes Sabaton so popular? Their music is rather simple, but very catchy. They produce a harder type of powermetal, and the voice of Joakim Bróden is a little harsh but understandable. And we may not forget that the live performances never disappoint, with every band member full of energy and enthousiasm.

But no performances without music, right, so let’s take a look at that. Coat of Arms is a continuation of the sound of The Art of War. There is no real concept on this album, except maybe that all songs, except for the last one, are about World War II. Fans had the opportunity to send in ideas about events or battles in the past, and the WWII ones turned out to be the most interesting. The lyrics span the entire globe: the rebels in Warsaw (Poland, Uprising) over the Battle of Bastogne (Belgium, Screaming Eagles) to Midway in the Pacific Ocean (Midway). Not every song is about all-out warfare. There is the civil movement in Warsaw, the hidden actions of the saboteurs in Scandinavia, the Holocaust and even a song that looks at the men behind the guns of the Wehrmacht. Enough diversity in lyrics, but how is the music?

The music is pure Sabaton: not so much different from the immediate predecessor, and that’s good. All other three war themed Sabaton albums have a certain diversity in songs on them, and Coat of Arms is even more diverse while containing some completely new things. The opening of the album is a keyboard intro that quickly evolves into a buildup, complete with catchy riffs, to the real song. The chorus is catchy as hell, and clearly inspired by the epic movie 300 (“Blood of king Leonidas”). A great indicator of what else is to come, and a terrific opener for an album.

Every song on this album has its own sound. Midway has a very clear drum rhythm, constant throughout the entire song. This makes that the verses and the harder chorus match perfectly. Joakim’s vocals are deformed in the verses, which is something completely new. The song is one of their shortest. Screaming Eagles is beyond doubt the fastest and hardest song the band ever made: serious headbang material. The Final Solution is dominated by keyboards: they somehow add a touch of emotion to the song to emphasize the very delicate matter the band deals with. Wehrmacht is a lower paced but very solid song, with a bone chilling chorus: several voices shout the chorus, as if it were a song of an army on the march. The Latin verses at the climax of the song are sung by several voices, but Joakim joins them, adding even more power. The instruments sound like a thousand booted feet pounding on the ground. This is an incredible song, and I hope to see this one live.

The other songs are more or less “familiar” in sound, but don’t bore. Except maybe Metal Ripper. The follow-up to Metal Machine and Metal Crüe disappoints a little. The lyrics are taken from various well-known songs (a fun idea), but the music itself lacks in power, or catchiness.

Expect no exceptional technical feats on this album. Coat of Arms is a simple, but very good album. Sabaton proves that less complicated music still can be good, or even be better. The energy the band put in this album can be felt when listening to this one at full volume. Recommended for power and heavy metal fans!

94 Octane Sabaton. - 84%

hells_unicorn, November 23rd, 2010

Sabaton is a household name, at least insofar as melodic metal goes. There’s a bit of something for everyone: be it war and glory for the cinema seeks, history for the eggheads, or a raucous and raspy vocal delivery for the Motorhead fanatics. All of this is compressed into a tight, highly accessible package and tempered with a strong keyboard presence that has an appeal both to harder edged traditional heavy metal fans and those looking for a lighter, AOR oriented power metal. In keeping with all of this, the quality of their respective releases is largely measured by how well they conform to their nature.

Unlike the two previous albums (“Attero Dominatus” and “The Art Of War”), “Coat Of Arms” makes no attempts at elaborating on a tried, true, and very predictable format. There is no beating around the bush, no songs that break the 5 minute mark, no ballads, and nothing else that resembles progression from the bare bones majesty of “Primo Victoria”. This band is not about technical majesty and long-winded Iron Maiden styled epics, save perhaps in their earliest incarnation during the early 2000s, this band is about songwriting in the most traditional sense, albeit within a very metallic format.

The mixture of songs found on here is a familiar one, drawing upon the usual suspects of 80s and 90s influences from Sabbath to Stratovarius. But the choruses are just a little catchier, the solos a little sweeter, the riffs just a little chunkier, and the overall package just a little bit more concentrated than previously heard. “Uprising” takes all of the “Heaven And Hell” clichés previously heard on “Rise Of Evil” and morphs it into a shorter, meaner mid-tempo powerhouse. Likewise, the heavy yet bouncy and galloping opener and title song “Coat Of Arms” essentially listens like a faster, more triumphant variant of “Primo Victoria”.

There’s few dull moments to be found on here, though the general issue of sameness and a continuing originality deficit does remain. A quick listen to the very fun non-war oriented song “Metal Ripper” reveals that it has been heard in some variant before, from a host of Scandinavian and German bands in the past 10 years. The practice of building lyrics out of quotes of famous metal tunes like “Gates Of Babylon” and “Mr. Crowley” is interesting, but more of a gimmick than anything else. But in spite of all of this, along with a main riff in “The White Death” that sounds like a more varied answer to Dio’s “We Rock”, it all works and can withstand repeated listens.

It may be a bold assertion given the heraldry commonly thrown at “Primo Victoria”, but this is Sabaton at their best. This is a band that, like a high octane gasoline, has been refined to the point that it will deliver the smoothest musical journey in the most efficient fashion. Each one of these songs can easily sneak into the long term memory and refuse to leave, though the groovy and atmospheric “The Final Solution” and the fast paced Judas Priest homage “Screaming Eagles” might be among the first to invade the cerebrum. If Hammerfall and Firewind are high on your priority list, this should be as well.

Originally submitted to ( on November 23, 2010.

War metal with a frilly edge - 80%

doomknocker, September 3rd, 2010

Sometimes it’s a hell of a thing when one judges a book by its cover and is proven wholly wrong. When you get a group with a specific name, at times you can assume, to a certain extent, how the group will sound, and if it turns out to be something completely different, it can be either fanciful or derisive (I’m reminded most of the monstrous black metal entity known as “MAGICAL MAN FROM HAPPY LAND”). I know it’s not right to do something like that, but it’s human nature to make snap assumptions…am I right, people?

And that was put to the test with this SABATON band…

When I first heard the name, for whatever reason I thought “black metal”, with plentiful bouts of monochromatic angst and many a fist shaken at God. What I got instead was a European-clad symphonic/melodic metal entity that relies on creating an epic feel by way of its combination of harmonics and heaviness. It took a bit of time to get into the scope of things, but when I did I was glad my interest held out. There’s a sense of fist-pumping majesty in SABATON’s latest, making one feel the compelling need to run headlong into the battles these guys seem hell-bent on fighting and ending up victorious, sword in hand, of course (guns aren’t metal! Remember that!). Stirring emotions of pride, energy and bursting power are in full swing with this 39 minute war plan, and thankfully done so with infectious melody as opposed to fist-pounding intensity like other acts of their lyrical ilk shoot for. There’re all sorts of goodies here in this multi-track foray into keyboard-laced, mid-paced insanity, where the overpowering, 80’s-sounding synth melodies, crushing guitar riffs, galloping drum work and monstrous choirs that make every other musical element present shine as nicely as can be. Sure, there are moments where everything sounds really over-the-top and a bit more fluffy and gentle considering the war-time vocal pandering (sometime it sounds like a growly singer somehow joined NIGHTWISH) but the end result makes for a finer listen than expected, and songs like “Coat of Arms”, “Screaming Eagles”, and “Wehrmacht” have what it takes to make sure you come back for seconds, and then some.

All in all SABATON lets loose a fine example of melodic, symphonic metal that somehow puts a pretty, glossy face on the worst thing ever to happen in the face of the world. If you like your power metal with that fine amount of fluff, then look no further.

Pop hook mastery 101. - 80%

Empyreal, June 13th, 2010

What can I say about Sabaton? They’ve been happily plugging away at their weird little brand of keyboard heavy anthemic power metal for about five or six years now, and they’ve been consistently putting out albums every year or two since then. This is their fifth effort, Coat of Arms, and it’s good. That’s all you need for an introduction, let’s review this little firecracker.

Where this album lacks the accomplished and heavy songwriting chops of The Art of War, which was and still is their best, it makes up for it with the most condensed and tight set of songs the band has put out thus far. There are no eight minute epics and not a lot of variation in tempo and mood, but I would be a fool to deny the newfound maturity displayed in the songwriting here. The band has distilled all other elements from their sound except the catchiest choruses they could write and the hardest hitting riffs. No song lasts longer than it should, and each one is packed with simplistic ideas that accomplish the goal of pleasing the listener.

Keyboards swirl around the bouncy, rocking guitars and Joacim’s deep, gruff vocals carry the music with an energetic pomp that I find endearing. The tempo varies from the speedy “Screaming Eagles,” the ball-busting “Aces in Exile” and the old school Priest romp “Saboteurs” to slower pounders like “Wehrmacht” and the super-anthem “The Final Solution,” with its perfectly executed synths and big chorus. Everything is streamlined as hell and handed to the listener on a silver platter, but it never feels cheap because, well, it’s just well written music. The keys are poppy and the music is about as progressive as AC/DC, but it all really works and is articulated with maturity and sobriety.

This is ear candy metal for sure, but what I hear on Coat of Arms is a metric ton of well written and expertly placed hooks. There is an art to creating simple, catchy songs, after all, and on here we see Sabaton furthering their knowledge of how to do that. If you’re not going to change your sound, at least keep doing what you’re doing with finesse and class. And they have done that in full force. Here’s to another five years of Sabaton albums, and may they continue to prosper in their quest to keep writing songs about war.

Originally written for