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The Essential Guide to Shitting on Your Legacy - 14%

MutantClannfear, October 27th, 2010

Where to start, where to start...I have no idea. I first bought Annihilation of the Wicked, desired more from this band, found this to be their newest CD, and bought it. Now it's hard to listen to AotW, thanks to this pile of festering wolf shit. This album is not an Egyptian-themed album, as Nile's 2005 work was. This is a parody album making fun of true Egyptian riffage. It is, as the review title suggests, your best bet if you're trying to discover the best way to destroy all respect and credibility your fans have so graciously given you over the years.

Let's start with Karl Sanders. Half the problem with this entire album is the fact that most of the vocals are not growls: they are chants or spoken word. It's not good spoken word, either: Karl is using what sounds like half-assed shouts as if he was thinking about what to order from McDonald's after the recording session was over. At other times, he makes the shouts too dramatic. No, Karl, this is not a rendition of Romeo and Juliet. This is a technical death metal album. The lyrics are about as crappily implemented as can be. Let me call your attention to the song "Hittite Dung Incantation". Although all the lyrics of this album are stupid, wannabe-brutal, or boring, this song's lyrics take the fucking cake for being composed of piles of "foul canine excrement". Yes, that's an actual lyric from the song. The choice of vocal style is pathetic, too; He shouts the lines "foul canine excrement", followed by guttural growling of "with barley flour". It would probably work if it was "Barley flour with foul canine excrement", but it doesn't matter. Here, Karl proves that he's just not poetic enough to create a song about smearing yourself with dog shit that isn't a laughingstock. For the rest of the songs, the overall presentation of the lyrics is just too straightfoward and boring. A lot of it looks complex, but a close look past the Egyptian words and titles will reveal lyrics written by a mentally retarded third-grader. The song "Those Whom the Gods Detest" goes on and on about how "I refuse the orders of this god, I'm not afraid of death, I challenge these holy texts..." It's not only an idea that's been recycled to the point of redundance, but the very words on this song (as well as all the others) are so blunt that you honestly can take nothing seriously in this whole album.

That's one pain in the ass out of the way. One down, two to go. The guitars. Well, most of the actual riffage on this album is tremolo guitarwork mixed with a chord sweeped up and down to make it sound "brutally Egyptian". Of course, there aren't many actual riffs on this album. Most of the guitar work is chugging in the form of mindless slams (the bridge of "Kafir") and death metal-style breakdowns (the goddamn entirety of the 9-minute song "4th Arra of Dagon") with about as much thought put into them as a person puts into breathing while asleep. The solos are boring, and basically consist of more wanking than you'll find in the college dorm of a dozen single virgins. They never stick with you; the only thing you'll remember of them is how technical they were: so technical, in fact, that you cannot remember a fucking thing about them. And we all know it's great when you can't remember how great it was, right? A lot of the songs also seem to steal riffs from Annihilation and turn them into boring nonsense. "Kem Khefa Khesef" takes the main riff of "Cast Down the Heretic", "The Eye of Ra" takes after "The Burning Pits of the Duat", and "Iskander Dhul Kharnon" feels like a cheap second-rate knock-off of "Annihilation of the Wicked". Like I said, though, these are not the songs you know and love: they've been infused with idiocy so as to prevent decency from coming near. Anyway, the bass isn't doing anything important, that is, when the guitars aren't blasted so high that it's impossible to hear yourself thinking, let alone the bass guitar.

George Kollias. Is he technical? Hell yes. Is he fun to listen to? Not in the slightest sense of the word. The drums are fast, yeah, and he's technical, but can George Kollias do anything but throw fills around all day for this album? Blast-beats are hard to find, but there's a near-constant blast on the double bass that never lets up. Not really a complaint, just an observation. But truly, this guy can never stop doing fills. At the end of every measure, hell, sometimes in the middle of one, he'll start a random fill to let you realize his prowess!

Wow...this is pathetic in so many ways. Pseudo-Egyptian riffs that are hard-pressed to be called even death metal, shouting vocals that sound bored and uninterested, and a drummer that has a muscle spasm at the end of every measure. If I were to sum it up in a sentence, I'd call it...intentional de-evolution of a great idea. This album sucks green gangrenous goat gonads...avoid as if it were a Linkin Park record.