Blood Portraits

There are really only two ways one could have been exposed to Nihilist - three if you count pure coincidence. The first, 'Metal and Mayhem' is a track featured in the PS3/Xbox 360 game Skate 3. And the second, Nihilist is pretty outspokenly Republican, which does set them apart from the ordinary crowd of skateboarding, beer drinking, bong-hitting punk/thrash groups for reasons I may have just made abundantly clear. But to us sane people, politics may as well be TV static, and I couldn't give a shit what a band writes songs about so long as the metal's good.

Unfortunately.

Nihilist had sounded pretty anemic throughout their previous album Call Down the Thunder, but I think Blood Portraits might need the IV even more. A vaguely tolerable array of competent-but-unimaginative riffs await you, taking far too much influence from primitive punk compatriots that can squeak by with the most minimal amount of effort. Namely, rapid strumming of one string followed by three or four chords, repeat. Metal requires a bit more than that, with not much being added by band frontman Loren Tipton either. He sounds like he's coming off an anesthetic while singing, but I'll admit his bass guitar supplies just about the only thickness and dynamism these tracks see on a regular basis. Finally, Sean Elg sounds like a drum machine, which is not a compliment - breakdowns are unimaginative and the snares sound like he's hitting empty cereal boxes.

Though not all hope is lost. 'House of the Dead' is far and away the most enjoyable track on this album, and the one I dare say had the most effort put into it. Beginning with a strangely eerie waltz, the build-up to the effective riff had me comprehending the potential of Blood Portraits. But Tipton still finds himself stuck in the middle of imposing thrash and nasally punk vocals, and guitar riffs, though unprecedented in creativity at this point, still sound a bit flimsy and cheesy. In total, 'House of the Dead' would sound right at home on the Twisted Metal 2 soundtrack. Take that as you will.

Another quality that somewhat redeems this album are the guitar solos courtesy of Matt Smith, which are creative and distinct to Nihilist. Effective in tracks like 'Bastards of Beers' and 'It's On...', solos are well-executed, well-distorted whammy bar madness. The one exception is the solo at the beginning of America's Bleeding, which is a worse rendition of the Star Spangled Banner than Roseanne. Perhaps this was intentional and meant to be 'symbolic' of something, but that's hardly comforting when the most monstrous noise a guitar can make is drilling into my eardrums. Remember the famous Jimi Hendrix rendition? Imagine that in one ear and a blowtorch in the other. And while I'm on the subject, it's probably for the best that no one's bothered to write in the lyrics to this track or any others. I'm sure you can surmise on your own that 'Ditch the Bitch' won't be pulling at any heartstrings, but I bet you didn't think it would be as bad as "Your freedom is gone, she won't mow her lawn, there's nothing left for me to say!"

It's entirely possible that I'm not the intended audience here. I'm sure if you're cool enough, you'd enjoy banging your head to some of these tracks at the local skatepark, snapping open a beer in sync with when it happens in 'Bastards of Beers', and reminiscing on how you broke up with your alienated, unfulfilled girlfriend that may have, in fact, been a bitch who refused to partake in the proper grooming of her pubes. Me? I'm on the internet complaining about snare tone. So, I'm not saying there's no enjoyment to be had from this album, nor am I saying Nihilist is talentless and appeals only to lowest common denominators. I just hope that you, the reader, would be able to find something more substantial than Blood Portraits. Hell, try Call Down the Thunder for starters.

Standout tracks:
Bastards of Beers, House of the Dead

Related listening:
Vindicator - There Will be Blood
Exorcizphobia - Something is Wrong