Marshall Law

Yep, that's the album this most sounds like... a bit less cheesy, and there are no keyboards, but overall, the ingredients are there... one blazing motherfucker of a speed metal classic to open things up, followed by a bunch of more midpaced numbers, some with cheesy 80s-style lyrics about fucking, and fucking-related activities, like being together at night.

Long intro leads into UNDER THE HAMMER!!! Faster than a bullet, terrifying scream, that's what the intro riff is, and just as cool... then the vocalist, who sounds more like the dude from Pretty Maids (think Future World) than Halford, but still very competent... lots of solos, and that wicked fucking riff.

Track 2 is the midpaced track about the glory of heavy metal and playing loud and all that good stuff... Rock the Nation, and then the third is the anthemic staple named after the band itself. Oh yes, this is so formulaic, so 80s, and so goddamn excellent. It's loud, it's pretty heavy, and it's just a barrel of fun.

Hearts and Thunder, another blazing fast metal intro leads into "I need your love 'til the end of time" (oh fuck yes, I did not just make that up) - this isn't a ballad, in fact it's downright heavy, but the lyrics are one homoerotic vision away from Eat Me Alive. You gotta love this shit... this is what heavy metal is all about. Nevermore, go find yourself a spiked dildo.

Then, Screaming - man, what an intro riff, and it's sort of an epic number with the huge singalong chorus, and it's kind of a ballad with those penis-related lyrics (my body's pounding, I've got to overload). But man, what a winner of a song. No dogs to be found on here, and that's what makes this album a keeper. Again, if you liked Ram it Down, but thought Love Zone was a bit over-the-top then you'll completely love the crap out of this album. It's far more Painkiller than Turbo, and some Defenders and Screaming too.

We're Hot... ya know, this is not about fucking, but it's rather the equivalent of Hard as Iron. It's about driving at excessive velocities and laying waste to one's political rivals, and also any small rodents that may get in the way. Again, glorious fucking heavy metal... the chorus is total Shout at the Devil on Methamphetamines (we're hot!) - all it's missing is the godlike thrash break in the middle. Can't get 'em all. Oh well.

Feel It - so this is probably the ballad of the album, but man since when did ballads come with such monstrous riff constructions? That's the great thing about this band - even when it's a sad song about relationships (sometimes it's hard to show the way I feel), there's still enough riffs to make Britny Fox sound like Britney Spears.

Then we got System X (aka One by One, based on the chorus) and Future Shock, which are both about the future and how glorious and screaming steel the future will be... well, it was a good idea, but again, the future is apparently about Opeth, so ... sorry guys. I was kinda hopeful too.

Finally, we close with the song that answers its own question... When Will it End? A great closer, with a nice 80s opening riff, which turns into one more banging screamalong anthem. "When will it end? Let them be dead!" Kids, this is the epitome of brilliance here, and if Machine Head cares to disagree, they can stick it up their ass.

In conclusion... metal fucking rules!! Metal is all about being loud and cheesy and over-the-top and having recognisable riffs and screamer choruses and blazing solos and generally kicking ass and taking down the names... fuck the nineties, this is the shit dreams are made of!