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And Now They're Dead - 0%

GuntherTheUndying, October 9th, 2008

Comrades, I welcome you to the fall. Not only the death of a band previously infatuated with brilliance, but one that has forever scorned a genre into noisy nonsense; something so bitter and repulsive, metal itself stands in utter disbelieve. Once again, the blood is on Marduk’s hands. The album is “Panzer Division Marduk;” so symbolically and poetically flawed…when does this torture end? Sadly, our production is the utter transformation into the cryptic garbage lurking amongst our kind; a release poisoning newer groups for a copy-paste method of writing. It’s inspirational, groundbreaking, and certainly unforgettable, but not in any positive sense. It inspires metal bands to avoid such defilement; it shatters our earth with mindless ideas; and it leaves an immortal impression upon those cursed souls who have experience what “Panzer Division Marduk” offers: the musical soul departing, never to return.

Unlike the tedious “Nightwing” or other feeble classics, “Panzer Division Marduk” outdoes them all. Morgan’s inconsistent aura of three-quarters obsolete has lost its twenty-five percent edge, so now we’ve really gone over the top with these blitzing riffs. That’s basically what the whole record is: speed. No coherency, change, solos, or anything remotely intelligent. Also, this album’s production is like a dagger in Marduk’s unwilling heart, mainly because the triggers and studio magic are obvious, making everything noise; really, just random farts. And all that isn’t without mentioning their awful writing techniques, which focus on relentless speed as expected, but when they attempt new material, Marduk retraces their past discography. Take for instance “Baptism by Fire,” and listen to the mild breakdown partway through the track…sounds pretty familiar. Yea, that’s because it’s an IDENTICAL copy of another slowed section within “Slay the Nazarene,” which appeared just an album prior. Who does that? Who applies sections from their own fucking songs and REUSES them on different occasions? The stupid…it burns!

Come on, just look at the drumming: blastbeats. I actually obtained a conversation between Marduk about writing and recording “Panzer Division Marduk.” Make your own judgment:

Fredrik: Hey guys, I’m a little confused about these hyper-speed patterns. What should I do for the percussion?
Morgan: Just blast.
Fredrik: You sure? I think our fans might be a little sick of that.
Morgan: Fuck it. We play black metal. But be sure to have those drums recorded in two hours. Legion and I have church, and we won’t miss the sermon about Paul. What a gripping story…
Fredrik: Damn it! I wanted a spot there!
Morgan: Yea, but that’s what happens when you don’t blast like an idiot. See you later. God bless you!

But when nothing works, a familiar man, an unforgettable myth, and a dire legend enters the picture to release his bowels all over the effort: the mighty Legion. There really isn’t any doubt in my mind that this record is definitely his downfall (considering he’s always sucked, mind you) demonstration, and possibly ranks as black metal’s lowest performance. His slurred barks are so incomprehensible and pathetic, it’s like no effort was attempted; he’s stuck on one tone, with hardly any variation as a vocalist. Altogether, this record cannot do anything right, let alone allow itself to produce at least a single instance of decency. So what if it sounds like black metal; it’s fucking noise! These songs are mimicked cuts, with no variation between all eight numbers. That’s how you make an album? I don’t think so, smartass.

Marduk has achieved absolute redundancy, the trophy of filth, a badge promoting nothingness, and their personal magnet attracting retardation only “Panzer Division Marduk” could obtain. Out of all objects ever built, this is the worst thing man has created; not some exaggeration, but truth. Britney Spears’ reality show presenting her white-thrash lifestyle uses more intelligence than this. Cradle of Filth’s flaccid take on music operates better also. The Brady Bunch? Oh yes. Mindless goregrind? You better believe it. The Bush Administration? Well, maybe not that, but you get the picture. Nothing can fight the bowels within “Panzer Division Marduk,” and Marduk exits with this pathetic crown to stamp their names on history. Nice job, dumbasses.

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