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Miracles Can't Save These Dolts - 16%

GuntherTheUndying, November 30th, 2008

There once was an age of miracles, but it actually passed. Lecherous Nocturne thought making an album about the topic would be sweet, so they did, and it’s called “The Age of Miracles Has Passed.” Ironically enough, miracles within this deceased place have indeed had enough and moved away: Lecherous Nocturne’s idea of bland technical death metal has no hope. For something so unoriginal, could one ever look at this lame CD and actually enjoy its content? I severely doubt a single soul could. After all, we need goods, and Lecherous Nocturne has not delivered what should have been packaged and mailed weeks ago.

To begin on a positive outlook, Lecherous Nocturne’s offering is only twenty-eight minutes in length, so the torment will be short. Alright, “The Age of Miracles Has Passed” is another technical death metal release, and it’s like pushing the random button multiple times when making a seating chart for kids: Chris intensely slides down the length of his guitar again and again without any sense of coherency, Jeremy blasts his way to the front and fills whenever he wishes, Mike just stays in the same spot with his bass, and Jason just growls at the teacher, because who enjoys sitting by girls, right? Try talentless douches, like these clowns. This record has not a hint of originality or intelligence; it’s just technical death metal without anything fun or amusing. They’ve got skill, but use no thought in their music.

Hell, the band thinks these crazy, unpredictable statements are so cool, that they just can’t do anything else! And then, the smoking gun: chaos becomes order. For every listener, the realization will occur, perhaps at different intervals, but I promise almost everyone experiencing Lecherous Nocturne’s technical blaze begins to expect the unexpected, and view complexity as simplicity. From utter insanity to blandness, “The Age of Miracles Has Passed” ages and withers away once its twenty-eight minutes of fallacious dung halts. Plus, whenever they finally stop and think about how loathsome their efforts have progressed, Lecherous Nocturne does doom filler. For instant results, just add doom filler! If you want results that totally sucks, anyway.

I don’t know what Lecherous Nocturne planned when creating this release, but I believe it was definitely defiled by the band’s nonsensical approach towards death metal. This item serves no purpose, and I personally wonder why anyone would ever review something as such and label it passable, let alone good enough for release. I think it’s laughably bad, plus I wouldn’t pee on Lecherous Nocturne’s second record because urine is frankly worth more. “The Age of Miracles Has Passed” is one of those albums that lacks energy and spice, even though instruments are flying everywhere like molecules in an atom smasher. I wouldn’t listen to it again if I was rewarded with something I enjoy.

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