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The halls of metal have been vandalized. - 0%

hells_unicorn, October 30th, 2007

Having been a rabid fan of Ronnie James Dio for the better part of 14 years, I like to keep up with any and all bands covering his material. I have nearly every tribute album containing anything from his Rainbow, Sabbath, or Dio releases and in most cases bands have been able to be faithful, although no substitute to the original. Unfortunately there comes along the occasional exception to the rule, and in this particular case, an extremely grotesque one at that.

I have never bothered much with Killswitch Engage, because when you’ve heard one metalcore band you’ve essentially heard them all. You get diarrhea-like down tuned guitar grooves that listen worse then a sheep getting fucked with a chainsaw, you get lousy mock opera vocals trading occasional shouts with a toneless girlie man screamer, half assed soloing, and a bunch of other things that keep metalcore bands from truly living up to the greatness of the first half of their genre’s title. But in the case of this terrible butchering of a timeless classic, simply piercing your ear drums with an icepick doesn’t cut it.

Everything about this re-make is wrong on so many levels that I doubt I can do justice with it by blurting out every profane metaphor in my mind a thousand times. The singer adds all these unnecessary extra notes to the melody and comes off sounding like Pacido Domingo after jumping onto a bicycle with the seat missing. The solo showcases some technical skill, but absolutely no fucking soul, even Vivian Campbell’s all rhythm parts in Def Leppard have more spirit than this mess of notes. But the worst part is that the drummer decided to throw in all these beat changes that throw off the continuity of the entire song. Dio’s music is meant to display the lyrical brilliance of its author, not for some hack drummer to show off his ability to change between beats 2 or 3 times in every verse.

In my entire history as a reviewer I have never scored anything below a 15, and I thought it ridiculous for anyone to score a release at zero because I assumed that even the worst musical performance in the world had some functional merit. I now stand corrected, this is a travesty that no human being should have to endure, let alone any fan of Dio who owns all of his albums and considers him the greatest artist in metal’s near 4 decade history.