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"How To Fail Miserably" 101 - 2%

Black_Metal_Elite, June 23rd, 2008

Lets say, this 2% I gave to this album is because it starts off mediocre instead of all out fail. The riffs come in and it seems okay. The guitars feel decent, then you feel the slope begin. Actually, it�s quite quick. The vocals start and they seem to somewhat resonate Dio, then BAM! It ends. Most people who listen to real metal can pinpoint the part where your soul falls off the cliff while listening to this song.

If there were no harsh vocals from the vocalist, the song might even be passable... but wow! Never have I ever heard one part of the song (the vocals) ruin the entire thing. Yes, but that's why metalcore is terrible; because the vocals are unbearable. Combine this with covering a song from a metal 'God' and you're asking for a failure. This album probably sold out to many teens in the United States, so Killswitch Engage does not realize how much of a natural disaster this inflicted upon the Metal World. This one album (or song for a more accurate review) opened the door to many bands as a beacon of failure.
Why do I say this though? Bands have covered stuff before and failed. Well... this is why. In my hometown, a metalcore band opened up after a death metal band (I know, unorthodox) and the song covered was Holy Diver. The irritating vocals and the breakdowns made me leave. I've never left a concert in my life until that point. So... what's my point? This is occurring more regularly now, much more than you or I ever would have imagined. Half the metalcore bands now cover this stupid cover, and butcher it even further. WHY!? Why can they just cover the original song and drop the -core crap? This, my friends, is where I come full circle and say the same thing about this worthless piece of trash. Why did they ruin it? Do people who listen to this have such a low taste in music that the spawn of failure makes them glee with delight? I cannot answer that, but what I can answer for you is "Do NOT even waste your time downloading it". Of course, half of you will by the mere fact I said that; but for those of you who don't-- thank you. You saved 5 minutes of your eardrums for a better song before you go deaf.

So, let�s talk about the cover. Why is it a failure?
- Breakdowns
- Chugging riffs
- Terrible vocals
- "-core" written all over it
- Blasphemization to a piece of art

Seriously, if you enjoy the song, why modify it? There is not one reason to put a breakdown in the middle of a perfectly good song. I listened to this hoping there would be an honest cover work with none of this half time bullshit, but it happened. SLAM! You fall off the cliff I�ve been talking about the whole time. The best way to describe it without using any of those gay 'meme's is that feeling where your stomach fills with butterflies as you jump over a 60 foot tall cliff when you think its only 20 feet tall. The atrocity of the chugging improvisation with this song makes you want to piss on the band members for even thinking of releasing this. Would Dio put chugging metalcore riffs in Holy Diver? No. Why? Because he knows what the fuck he is doing; hence, his respect. The fortunate thing here, is that unlike a piece of artwork in life, this terrible band cannot actually damage the real Holy Diver, but rather make shitty copies your girlfriend or mom would listen to on a bad day.

Here lies a CD for 12 year old girls who themselves haven't hit puberty yet, and probably still dig the Backstreet Boys. Fuck you Killswitch Engage.