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Is My Face Supposed To Be Melting? - 98%

Metal_Jaw, October 7th, 2011

There my friend sat. He sat on his leather chair, slumped in curved ball of mass in front of his computer screen. His face was trapped in a near-orgasmic expression, as though his mind literally been blown. What appeared to be drool leaked in a little drizzle from his mouth, a warped grin. Upon closer inspection, I realized that it wasn't drool; it was mercury. LIQUID METAL! Turning my head oh so slightly to the right, I faced the monitor. The words "Judas Priest-Leather Rebel" were scrawled across the top of the screen. Morbid fascination overtook me, and as a happy smirk began to crawl across my mortal lips, I clicked the play button...

or some shit like that.

But seriously, this is IT! THE most metal album from THE best metal band of all damn time! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this album. You want bone-crushing speed? You got it! You want head-exploding vocals? You got it! Do you want Olympian heaviness? You got it! How about merciless guitars and sizzling drums? You got that too! Do you want a beatbox? Fuck that shit!

"Painkiller", released in 1990, is oft considered to be Priest's magnum opus, a complete triumph in speed, aggression, and heaviness. And I totally agree. It's my favorite album from my favorite band. There's just nothing wrong with it! Rob Halford's voice is practically demonic, a wailing scream of immense proportions that he has never achieved before or since. Glenn Tipton and KK Downing's guitars twin-shred in such a way that me thinks the mighty sea god Poseidon has just shit his flipper in terror. Ian Hill's bass is shattering; totally a maker of earthquakes and volcanoes! Last but certainly not least, the blasting, light-speed, monster-sized double-bass hammering of Scott Travis, JP's then-new drummer and arguably the best thing to ever happen to the band.

The songs are all just perfect in their own ways. From the soul-mincing speed and legendary aggression of the title track to the upbeat hyper-speed of "Leather Rebel" to the monstrous solos and heavy ferocity of "Metal Meltdown" to the dark atmosphere of "Nightcrawler", all 10 tracks scorch with an all-mighty blaze of technical perfection that no other band has even come close to measuring up against.

Now, why 98% instead of the full hundred? Well, just some nitpicks. The lyrics of most of the songs are rather cheesy nonsense, but it never gets on my nerves enough to stop listening to any particular song. Also, while still really good, the songs "All Guns Blazing" and "Battle Hymn/One Shot At Glory" tend to be forgotten soon after a single listen.

This album is the epitome of speed metal perfection. If you don't own it, then you are no metal fan. If you've never heard of it, then you are NO music fan. THIS...IS...THE PAINKILLER!

Everything, although the two previously-mentioned songs are slightly forgettable.