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Disappointment is a dish best served cold - 25%

zeingard, December 20th, 2007

Pretentious wankers dressing up in white cloaks pretending they're possessed by ancient ice spirits or some other bollocks sounds rather amusing at first, in fact I had a hearty fucking chuckle when I read an interview of these musicians. At this point I could only assume their music must have some merit, some sort of redeeming quality that could explain their inane behaviour. I can only assume I was drunk at some point because I had managed to forget the one minor detail that would send this idyllic thought flying right out the window; they play Black Metal. Oh boy did I feel the slimy trail of yolk dribble down my face when I queued this album up for listening. It's bollocks, shite, crap, awful, lamentable and some other words I don't care to mention. Okay it's not quite that bad but it's a far cry from what I was expecting, it's quite obvious that the band read quite heavily from Marduk's book on 'how to blast and tremolo pick the listener to death' which is probably the shittiest book to have ever been 'written'. Thankfully they do add a bit of variation here and there in the form of slowing down or even having a completely different riff! Drums are set to blast near perpetually and at other times they just keep the beat, which is nice I suppose.

Some notable positives about this album are few and far between, for one I really do enjoy actually being able to hear the bass lines even if they aren't particularly adept. Although I think this can be attributed heavily to the high production values, the guitar tone is crisp but manage to sit alongside nicely with the drums creating ye olde wall of sound that has been perpetuated for too fucking long now. The song names are pretty neat as are the lyrics, although a lot of this is due to the members of this band being off their meds no doubt. Unfortunately that's where the positives end really, I'd love to say I enjoy a particular song but the problem is that all they do is blast on pretty much every song and then somewhere around the middle they'll add in a different section once or twice just to say they've managed to write wholly different songs; the difference between 'Hypothermic Possession' and 'Onward Banshee Legions' is so minute it's petty, you could easily interchange those parts and you'd be none the wiser. Oh I'm sure there are certain technical differences and there may be a slight tempo change or a different measure; I'm sorry but that shit doesn't fucking fly.

I think more than anything I'm really disappointed with this band and it's potential to be really inventive or interesting, especially considering the whole back story and characterisation they've got going as a basis for lyrics and further more for song compositions. They could have produced black metal with a real atmospheric, and frosty edge that evokes powerful imagery combined with some batshit insane lyrics to really drive home the whole motto of; lost in tundra = fucks your grey matter to a fine dust. Instead they've appealed to the lowest common denominator by peddling a simplistic style of blast/tremolo black metal that continues the fine tradition of being uninventive and fucking retarded for the sake of maintaining this utterly futile culture surrounding that of being 'kvlt'. Fuck that shit I say, break that fucking mold along with other bands like Peste Noire and Wolves in the Throne Room. I'm sure 'Panzer Division Marduk' was really cool the first listen through but there are other ways of making a truly great black metal album and copying Marduk is not the first step.