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Who knew 30 minutes could feel so long? - 25%

Subrick, July 16th, 2017

Reviewing an album is either really easy or really hard depending on the album in question. Albums on either extreme end of the "this fucking rules!" to "this fucking sucks!" scale are typically the easiest works to typographically tackle, as those albums usually inspire the most joy or disdain in the writer, and it's fairly effortless to either praise its virtues or tear it a new one.The album in question today, Havohej's "classic" Dethrone the Son of God, falls into the latter category. What a boring slog of an album. That's really about the best way to describe it. It's a meandering, uninspired, useless album not unlike the hundreds of other meandering, insipid, uninspired, useless bedroom black metal albums that have been unleashed on the world in the past 25+ years (which is also the estimated number of birthdays one will have listening to this album).

Dethrone the Son of God jumps between the typically fast, blast beat laden, tremolo picking, growl-in-Satan'-name black metal of the early 90s, and a slower, more doomish take on the style. The slow parts are the only parts of the album that are initially interesting, before they greatly overstay their welcome and very quickly become just as tiresome as the fast parts. The opening riff to "I Arose, Part 2" is easily the best riff on the whole album, with a crushing, wonderfully evil tone and texture, but 30 seconds in it becomes apparent that this one riff is literally the entire song. There are 15 tracks on the album, and only two of them surpass the 3 minute mark, yet all of them feel and sound pretty much exactly the same. Several songs are instrumental, if for no other reason than the guy behind this just couldn't think of lyrics for them. Not that the lyrics on this album are anything to call home about, as, much like the music, they are a whirlwind storm of black metal cliches. He also has several lines about raping, sodomizing, and masturbating on Christ's body. Subtext for deeper seeded issues, perhaps? The title track is easily the most hilarious of the bunch, definitely unintentionally so, as it's just 2 minutes of this guy a cappella ranting and grumbling about hating God, the church, Christ, purity, and holiness, totally ripped from the Beginner's Guide to Black Metal lyric idea sheet. It is just as ridiculous and hilarious as it sounds.

A note to every bedroom black metal enthusiast out there: Your lack of ability at songwriting and musicianship does not give you the license to label your music "minimalist". It's almost as if saying you write in a minimalist style is a get-out-of-jail-free card for how much you suck at writing black metal. Writing in a minimalist style is its own category of difficult, as you still need to make the music interesting while also remaining barebones in elements. It's analogous to the difference between "acting unemotional" and "unemotional acting" (or: the Keanu Reeves conundrum). If this hadn't have come out in 1993, not a single soul on this planet would have given two shits about Dethrone the Son of God. Really, at the end of the day, the only people that would find this interesting are those that have never listened to an ounce of black metal in their lives and thus have no frame of reference for what good black metal actually sounds like.

Such as, for example, Hvis lyset tar oss by Burzum.