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Because Nearly 2/3 of This is Terrible - 35%

DawnoftheShred, November 17th, 2012

We Kill Everything is the be-all end-all of GWAR albums. It is the fundamental sound of the band, all of their ideas and eccentricities, taken to what must be considered their logical extreme. Within are the band’s most outrageous, perverse, offensive tunes (“Babyraper,” “Fuckin’ an Animal”) and conversely their most immature toilet-humor (“Jiggle the Handle,” “The Master has a Butt”). Some of the band’s most metal moments are contained (“Jagermonsta,” “A Short History of the End of the World”) as well as their punkiest (“Nitro Burnin’ Funny Bong,” “FishFuck”). There’s great moments and horrendously awful novelty moments, just like similar ones released over their first decade of activity. It’s like a retrospective compilation, but with all new songs.

Despite the extremely divergent material on this especially inconsistent GWAR album, there’s some kind of mini storyline incorporated into the meat of the album which leads me to believe that this was at one time meant to be the final GWAR release. This kind of explains the “career summary” approach to songwriting here. And really, some of this stuff is pretty awesome, but holy feces is some of it retarded. “My Girly Ways” is like a lost Kittie track, Slymenstra needing less vocal contributions rather than more. “The Master has a Butt” is a parody of pop country and is about as horrible as you can probably imagine. And if that was hard to believe, “Mary Anne” is straight up, watered down, pop fucking punk garbage. It doesn’t get worse than these few, but man, it doesn’t get much better either. Some of the more flaccid tunes only get some value in context of the hilarious music video that was made for them. Check out “Fuckin’ an Animal,” which reduced me to tears the first time I saw it on the Ultimate GWAR Video Archive. Man, that’s an awesome collection by the way, I laughed my ass off the whole time and…oh shit, we’re still doing this album review. Wish I was doing that video review, most of this stuff is hard to listen to.

It’s a shame too, because you get an instrumental tour de force like “A Short History” buried in between all this cheery novelty shit. The best thing about this album is the fact that, having blown their wads on this convoluted joke, the band would settle down a bit and craft their first really vicious album in over a decade. This, however, remains one of their worst overall efforts and should be overlooked in favor of almost any one of the others.