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A sure sign of "troo"ness? Cover pop bands. - 7%

PseudoGoatKill, March 31st, 2004
Written based on this version: 2003, Independent

“Under the Sign of Black Cover” is a difficult EP to review because it is all covers. These aren't just any old covers, but American classic rock covers, with a Finnish cover thrown in for good measure.

Goathemy claims to be playing these classics black metal style, but the only black metal elements on show are shitty production, and necro vocals done by Goathman. Besides these two elements this album has nothing to do with black metal at all. Right now I imagine this is how the band discussion went when they decided to do this album.

Goath: Heils, little bro!
Mr Thing: Heil.
Goath: At long last I have returned to my roots! Far too long have I been away from my home, while the untroo have perversed this precious scene!
Mr Thing: So, you probaly want to record something?
Goath: Yes! I have an excellent idea! We will make an EP that is so troo it will make the hearts of men quake.
Mr Thing: Oh?
Goath: Yes, we will create an EP with nothing but covers!
Mr Thing: You mean covers of Mayhem, Emperor, Venom, Bathory, etc?
Goath: No, I mean covers of The Mamas' and the Papas', The Doors, and The Rollingstones!
Mr Thing:..........
Goath and Mr Thing: HEIL!!! \m/\m/

The Mamas and the Papas' "California Dreaming" is the best song on this album only because Goathman and Dark perform the lyrics with bitter coldness, otherwise the song sounds like the original with raw sounding instruments. The band does not stamp their own identity on the song, and guitarists Goathman and Mr. Thing sound as if they literally played the tabs from a medium level guitar book. The drums are also very bland. Overall the band stays true to the original, maybe a little too true.

Dark: Umm this doesn't sound very black metal.
Goath: Quiet you!

The cover of The Door's "Light My Fire" is pathetically funny in it’s own sad little way. Once again Goathman, Mr Thing, and Ghost play the song true to the original, but the guitars are exceedingly bland, with no harmony or melody to them, and drummer Ghost seems wary of adding a black metal flair to the song. Goathman contributes some good vocals, but they are the only black metal element in the song. However, Dark’s singing sounds like she really didn’t want to be in the studio that day. Instead of projecting an “I hate religion, I hate this world” feel, Dark seems to convey the message “I want to go back to my comfy bed.” This song captures none of the essence of the original, turning it into a steaming pile of shit.

Mr Thing: And this is supposed to make us troo, how?
Dark: Don't ask me. Can I go back to bed?
Goath: No!

The Rolling Stones’ “Paint it Black” is just pathetic. Everything about this remake is pathetic. The instruments bring nothing of value to the original song, and the vocals are extremely weak. If you listen carefully to the beginning of the song, you can hear the original version being played. This blows the band’s credibility because they didn’t know the song inside out before trying to remake it. Goathman’s vocals sound like he's trying to take a shit, and the guitars and drums are no better.

Dark: Umm, Goath?
Goath: Yes, Dark?
Dark: You sound constipated.
Goath: I am.

“Haltin Haat” is the traditional Finnish song, and for once the band turn a song into their own, adding a black metal flavour to it. The production quality is still shit, but at least the band adds emotions, harmonies and melodies to the song, but unfortunately it’s too little too late to save this album.

Sadly, this CD is one of the worst black metal albums ever from what will soon prove to be an excellent band. Don’t buy this album unless you want to see how the band will develope.