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What a fucking joke. - 0%

TheMeh, October 30th, 2019
Written based on this version: 2019, Digital, Loma Vista Recordings

I think, at one point, there was a part of me that really respected Ghost. Not just for their sound, but... what they were doing. I mean, they had a really good gimmick four to six years back. 'Meliora' and 'Infestissumam' are maybe still what I would quantify as Ghost at the top of their game - it sounded like a band that knew what they were fucking doing. It was honestly funny, because I really - truly - believed that Ghost had found a sound they liked, that they could persist with. But I guess good things really can't last when a band stops taking their gimmicks and sound so seriously and cash in on their cheese instead - because, at the end of the day, this "EP" exemplifies why Ghost, in their current state, fails in each and every avenue of their sound. Part of me doesn't even know who to blame.

Their popularity? Well, that kind of became a given. The hounds of popular media will bite into anything they find to be hip and cool, and Ghost hit a hard niche for people - enough to get on Stephen Colbert, which is commendable for what that performance was. 'Prequelle'? As bad an album as it was, and as bad as events that led up to its release were, it was probably their logical step forward - even if that album's sound ended up creating an unsavory aftertaste in the mouths of the fans who cherished Ghost's sanctity in their olden sounds. No, at the end of the day, I think the only real thing I can even blame for this product existing at all is the idea that, at the end of the day, the past Ghost is dead - replaced by a corporate shell, a faceless mongoloid who literally asked why he didn't win two Grammy's in a fucking music video (check the video for "Kiss The Go-Goat" - it happened and it's cringe as fuck). It's almost kind of insulting - why did they find it necessary to descend towards this kind of attitude with their music?

What do we have to show for that product, as well, eh? Seven minutes of boredom - but I guess seven's enough to make a sly dick joke in your title. I'm sorry, but we of the Metal Archives already have metal about penises that dwarfs any kind of bullshit you're endorsing. Please crawl back into your cesspit. Regardless - if the droll style of 'Prequelle' didn't kill you already, this will. Fuck, now that I think about it, are these songs even different? Like, they have the same fucking melody, speed, and groove to them. It's like two replicant songs. What a fucking joke!

This isn't an EP - it's two singles and a bullshit excuse for musical evolution if I've ever seen it. Just don't buy into this shit and move on. Ghost really doesn't deserve praise for this. More power to you if you like it, of course, but... personally, I truly cannot be bothered anymore by this band. They've finally devolved into boredom and what I could literally only describe as your poster excuse for being "lame". But, that's kind of what it is. Take it or leave it. I'll gladly get the fuck out of this circus act.