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The Worst Marriage of All - 25%

ExPresidents, November 1st, 2018
Written based on this version: 2018, Digital, Loma Vista Recordings

I like both Carpenter Brut and Ghost. What is or is not metal, what is or is not electro, shall not be discussed here. What I will do, however, is review a seemingly innocuous marriage of two bands that should have come out with something even better than the original, but sadly did not.

Prequelle was not the greatest Ghost album. I'll say that now. It's spotty, uneven, cacophonous at times. There are songs that are absolutely stunning, but there are just as many letdowns, and, the worst element of all, the album itself, from the first song to the last, feels choppy, undefined. As they say, "an album with no flow has got to go." Prequelle is their worst album, and Dance Macabre is one of those letdown songs. It feels like pop, it's repetitive, the guitars are shitty, the lyrics uninspired. Carpenter Brut--best known for Hotline Miami and using Garm to the max on "Cheerleader Effect"--is possibly one of the hardest sounding "electronic" musicians out there. He gives :wumpscut: a run for his money.

Therefore, when I saw this magical remix, I knew I was going to hear a better version of Dance Macabre, finally. Except I didn't. This song is even weaker, sounding like a 18-year-old liberal arts student at Bennington remixed it for his shitty Bandcamp page. I fucking hate this song more than the original, and hate both bands even more now. The added keys only distract from the song; the vocals have been licensed out to sound as though they were ran through a vo-coder at 2 Chainz's house. The BPM has been slowed down too, if that were even a thought in the realm of electro, and comes off as--shall I say it?--some sort of "dance ballad." Even the drums and bass sound stultified, almost as though it's been "un-mastered." I don't have the producer's name off-hand, but he should be fired.

Stay away from this song. It is their worst, on all fronts. I'll sum it up concisely: 1+1=0.