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Well, this kinda sucks - 30%

OlympicSharpshooter, August 21st, 2004

I'd like to preface this by saying in regards to my fellow reviewers... what, are you fucking kidding me?

The problem with this is that it's horribly uneven. Half (actually 2/5) of the time the band is stellar (though hardly fantastic), but the rest of this is unabashedly fourth-tier power metal (performing in your local youth center!) with good production values.

Singer Tobias Sammet has an appealing, personable voice that stands out from the often same-y power metal pack, like a Swedish (?) Bruce Dickinson, but he writes lyrics that are, almost uniformly, poor on this EP. I approve of deviating from traditional power metal cliche, but sadly the lyrics are still childish, like a little boy enamoured with saying the word 'fuck' the moment mommy and daddy go out. Also, the overblown back-up vocals ruin many a chorus, leaving you to wish Sammet had gone Maiden and handled all the vocal duties himself.

Non-album tracks like "The Savage Union" reek of cheese, the lyrics literally sounding like the 'fist-pumping anthem' song for a band called Savage United (think Sacred Steel - "Sacred Warriors of Steel" etc.). And "New Age Messiah"... bleech. Amongst the worst social criticism I've ever heard. Hell, Ozzy has done it more effectively ("Miracle Man"), and Ozzy doesn't even know where he is. Seriously kids, comedy (let alone SATIRE) should be left to those who are, you know, funny. Not to mention how drop-dead generic the music is (albeit in a slightly fetching stripped-down Maiden/Priest direction).

However, the somber, thespian "Holy Water" manages to go 30 seconds without cracking any painfully bad jokes, and kicks one through the uprights with a committed sort of melancholic symphonic power vibe that hints at a heretofore unhinted-at subtlety and class. In addition, the propulsive, cool mecha-stomping title track rocks catchy and appreciable, a tight and taut ride that stretches out beyond the majority of this pap. However, it does sound like something that a hair band might release in the mid-90's in an attempt to stay relevant. Just sayin'.

I'm not even gonna start on the bonus track.

Suffice to say, this blows. I hope Edguy's other stuff is worthy of the effusive praise levelled at it.

Stand-Outs: "King of Fools", "Holy Water"