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A Small Improvement... But Still Awful - 12%

stainedclass2112, June 21st, 2016
Written based on this version: 2016, Digital, Independent

After the complete waste of time that was the Thrash Unto You EP, Disorderly Conduct finally trudged on and released a full length album. They actually manage to not completely suck this time, but the improvement is minor. The production is still horrendous, but at least it listens without any skipping. It's also mixed a little bit better, but it is still very, very low budget in its production. The gaping hole in this band's musical ability is still gargantuan, meaning that this project is still a very long ways away from getting to be tolerable.

This album sees the return of 6 of the same tracks featured on the EP, and they all suck almost as hard. They are actually coherent listens this time, but this only allows the serious musical flaws to shine even more. There is one major improvement, and that is on "Army of One" which actually has some nice riffing in it. But generally Sam's obnoxious vocals, the haphazard drumming, and the downright horrendous solos keep things from being tolerable even in the slightest. This applies to pretty much the entire album, even most of the new songs, two of which are absolutely terrible in every way. I just don't see what they are trying to do here. I'm starting to believe that this is just a joke.

The thing that keeps this album from being completely worthless is the song "Seven Demigods of Urth". Despite the dumb lyrics, awful vocals, terrible chorus, and a terrible solo, this song actually has 5 or 6 good riffs in here. There's even a well done thrash break right in the middle that is actually really enjoyable and memorable. This sees the band putting forth effort to make something worthwhile, and it actually pays off a little. It also shows that the band has a sliver of ability when it comes to putting together a song, unfortunately, for a highlight of an album, it's still pretty awful.

It also seems like this band enjoys putting ridiculously obnoxious tracks toward the end of their work, because the song "How I am" is like a parody of a metal ballad, except it is neither funny or touching. It just completely SUCKS. They throw in some weird, off-key riffs all over the place but it doesn't help to heal the wounds inflicted by that absurd intro and the entire album up to this point. As a whole, everything on here sucks. The final track "Dragonslayer" only adds insult to injury with its half-hearted chugging. Disorderly Conduct have succeeded in crafting an album better than Thrash Unto You. Hooray! It's a shame it's barely tolerable for the entirety of its running time.

You should have kept the tales in the void! - 5%

Napalm_Satan, June 21st, 2016

To the knobs that made this thing: Please, stop. I get it, you looked at all those modern thrash bands and the whole explosion that happened a while back with 'em and wanted a slice of the action. Sadly however, you lot just lack the talent necessary to pull it off. Just about every facet of this album is hilariously amateur, and not in that sloppy 'we don't really know what we're doing but we love metal!' sort of way, just in the 'we could be better but we're going to rush this album out as quickly as possible' sort of way.

Firstly, 'I am production skills, and I'm not here!’ The whole album sounds very thin and distorted, as though it was recorded through a cheap mic in a small room with poor acoustics. Everything is very dry, thin and quiet, almost like it is playing several feet from where your speakers are. This isn't a demo, but as it stands their debut (which is just the first 6 tracks from their EP with some more crap tacked on the end) sounds like one. The whole thing sort of reminds me of ...And Justice for All in that only the mics close to the instruments were really used while the room mics weren't, leading to a one-dimensional and 'small' sounding album with no presence at all. In an age of loud, clear and chunky production that hits you over the head this is just laughable - and the fact that this is a small unsigned band is no excuse; I've heard top notch modern production from equally small new bands.

And then there is the instrumentation itself, which is quite varied, to put it nicely. There is a smattering of decent thrash riffs found throughout, and even if they are entirely derivative credit where it is due, some of the riffs have a nice groove to them which got my head nodding at least. But then we come to the malformed lumps of pig iron that form the rest of the riffs and my word they are bad. They just sound... wrong and really clumsily put together, and throw the whole flow of the album off rather than driving the songs and providing a discernible rhythm.

The soloing is terrible, with the lead guitarist just sort of playing whatever without any sort of flair, technicality and only a vague sense of melody, preferring to dither about and polluting our ears with the shitty lead tone. And as for the drums, I thought it was a drum machine at first given how lifeless the performance is on the album, but this is no Angelo Sasso folks, oh no. This is an actual person who is patient/brain-dead enough to play these boring straight beats that somehow manage to be off-kilter. They're really awkwardly placed in some sections and throw the already clumsy and sloppy arrangement so far out that it sounds like they layered the performances at different starting times and speeds.

The vocals on this album... man these can't be for real! All he does is talk quickly over the music, regularly falling out of time and audibly speeding up and slowing down to stay in time. He tries to sound quite stately at times, almost like a Gandalf type figure, by injecting some deep boom into his voice. Instead though, he just sounds like he is trying to 'sing' while eating an enormous cheeseburger, and hence has to open wide. He tries to add some high shrieks at the end of some lines for a bit of flair, but clearly he can't do them so his voice just goes slightly higher pitched for a second or two. He isn't aggressive or commanding, he just sounds like a kid reading out such amazing lines as 'your brain, like cheese, spread, and now you fall to the floor' to the whole class while doing an old wizard impersonation.

The songs go nowhere and do nothing, not even capable of flowing let alone developing, every performance is laughably bad barring a few cool riffs, the production sucks and I've forgotten it already. Can I do better? Nope, but then I'm not writing and recording music and then charging people for it. This sucks, fucking avoid, etc. etc.

Stick to other hobbies Sam, like cramming the entire universe in your ass or whatever. The end result will still be less shit-smeared than any music you help make.