Death Metal

One day I was going to my local burger place so I could satisfy my hunger with meaty sustenance. I wanted to try something new, so I asked the fast food place to give me the biggest, meatiest, and most tasty burger that they could make. I drove up to the window and was given two buns and a piece of plastic in the middle. As I took a bite, I clamped down hard on the piece of plastic and became outraged that such a respectable burger place would suggest that plastic is the best thing they could come up with when making a burger. I ran up to the front window and screamed at the top of my lungs for my money back.

Soon after, I was calmed down and the guy working the window suggested that I take the CD out and play it in my stereo, and that I’d see the reality of why they gave me this little disc. I was skeptical, but I agreed. I put it into my CD player in my car and waited for the meal to begin. Soon after the music started, shit loads of crunchy lettuce guitars, sweetened vocal buns, tender meat drums, and saucy melody condiments were flying out of my speakers and all of the holes in my car and nourished my starving ears. Whoa, what the Hell just happened?

I was drowning in Heaven. I was consuming Dismember’s “Death Metal” burger at incredible rates. Holy shit, this concoction is no fucking joke. You know those meals that you rarely hear about, but once you take the chance to look for it, you fall in love? For those looking - welcome home. “Death Metal” is half death, half melodic, and all badass.

The burger is saturated with some sweetbread vocals that give a basic outline for the appearance of such a tasty morsel. Matti’s way of singing is like biting into sweet and sour bread – some people love it right away, and others find it to be bittersweet until they lay this bread onto a more structured burger with actual taste, like crunchy lettuce guitars, thick and juicy tomato bass, and tender meat drums. You can’t bite into this mean machine until you taste all of it for what it is. Though, for what they are, Matti’s vocals add a nice dash of flavor with a unique rage of hellfire bellowing. This bread couldn’t possibly be made by anyone else in that insanity chamber – only Matti has the mental instability to do it.

What burger would be complete without crunchy, wet, and fresh guitar lettuce? This secret guitar lettuce is brewed from David Blomqvist and Magnus Sahlgren in the beautiful fields of Stockholm Sweden, but no one has been able to figure out what makes their guitar lettuce so crunchy and delicious. Both members declined an interview, but we can only assume that they’re putting addictive amphetamines in their guitars to make them so damn sweet and addictive. I’ve yet to find a band that possesses such a unique fire in their guitars and heavy hitting rhythms. Lay these chewy death metal leaves underneath the vocal bread and you’re almost halfway to being in the presence of a delicious meal.

Richard Cabeza makes juicy tomatoes with his bass and gives the lettuce some lead way into delivering more of a hefty burger to customers. In songs like “Stillborn Ways” you get to taste more bass than usual as it chugs along and resides in your face, leaving you begging to chew into those lumps of bass lycopene. Heinz ketchup would be jealous if they knew of Richard Cabeza’s existence, because he definitely puts their bulbous tomatoes to shame.

Estby’s drumming gives us a nice slab of meat to work with – nothing too greasy and flashy, but nothing dry and dull. He pounds, pounds, and pounds some more while managing to keep the balance between what makes a burger a burger and what breaks the boundaries of burgerdom. The burger comes in various forms, which have hyper accelerated songs and more down to earth, heavy death metal songs. Essentially, you can expect to be able to get your burger in many different ways – small, medium, large, etc. Why, it’s almost a dream come true for death metal!

Oh, and who can forget the secret melody sauce? Dismember manage to infuse their musical food with this sauce, but never overdo it like most of their peers (In Flames and bands as such) do. They focus on the burger first before applying the sweetness to it, because when it comes down to it, they are a death metal band, so they need to focus on doing that first before getting tasty. You can expect heavy and meat laden riffing before you get a melodic riff, but still, the melody will always be with Dismember. Parts like “Let The Napalm Rain” display superb death metal riffs that make you want to headbang vigorously while eating that big, beefy burger.

Gothenburg can’t touch it. Br00tal death metal bands want to be it. But there is only one Dismember to rule the melodic death burger chain. “Death Metal” may not be their craziest work (Like An Ever Flowing Stream takes the crown for that) but it’s damn solid and great for what it is. Heavy riffing, great death metal vocals, and consistent reliability rule this winning album.

So, why isn’t this fine thing released into mainstream stores? The reason is because it’s too good. With Dismember’s “Death Metal” burger alone, any small business restaurant could put the big corporations out of business and capitalize off of their failures as they are shunned by everyone, they drop out of school, quit work, move to California, turn to drugs, and die alone in a secluded ally somewhere. Okay, that was a mean, but trust me, I’m right. In all seriousness, this album is badass – buy it.