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Dimmu + Borgir = Dummy Burger - 55%

EvilAllen, August 12th, 2019

Dimmu Borgir are an active symphonic black metal act from Norway. You know, it's almost like saying "noway", but "Norway"...if you say "Norway" really fast, it'll sound like "noway"! And well, I guess it's only fair to suggest that many people should have ran away from this album...really fast. Come on, let's face it...we're in 2019 now. Dimmu Borgir have never been a "great" band...even if they're black metal and from Norway. I don't comprehend why people always have to compare Cradle of Filth to Dimmu Borgir...all the time... A better match would be comparing Dimmu Borgir to Emperor...and Emperor would win every fucking time, who would argue that? They're from Norway and play the exact same genre, and were out around the same time as Dimmu Borgir...so...think about that for a bit.

Anyways, now it's time to make this an interesting week by sending off some unusual reviews. You know, I always wanted to listen and review this album. So now, I do get my chance! The vocalist sounds like he's literally vomiting into the microphone. Or Popeye the Sailor Man angry because he hasn't got any spinach, that could be it to, you know? The vocals are considerably caked in reverb, which happened to be a thing that bands did way, way back. I don't know why, but it does create a theme where it sounds like animals are howling in caves.

For this being black metal, just in general, I'm surprised how clean the audio is...normally black metal just sounds like it's being recorded in prison. It might not sound "grainy", but it does have the "muffled" sound...but "clean" muffling...if that makes sense to anyone? Also, the album's vocals aren't recorded in English, which is why it probably sounds funny to me. Sounds like something being spoken as if it came from Mars, the red planet, eh...eh?! The harmonies within the synths of keyboard-usage is probably this album's best feature. Because if they weren't added into the mixture, this shit would be more bland than it is already. Those provide some really in-depth feelings you can only get from a well-organized keyboardist.

The riffs of the guitars are quiet in the background, weren't recorded at a high volume. So, the guitars are even worse because of that. But from a certain standpoint, the guitars are played in the higher-pitch. As how a traditional black metal band would have done it back then. But the guitars could have been raised a few notches at least...like, come on...maybe this album would have did better if it was better-produced? Hell, even the bass sounds louder than the guitars. You can hear it climbing over the guitars with utter-ease. The drums sound like they've been recorded from a half-a-mile away. Really far away and almost unnoticeable. This whole record should have had its stems redone from scratch and put back together nicely, because it has a really weak, general atmosphere.

The only reason why anyone even listens to this album or Dimmu Borgir, just in general, is because they've become famous...not because they're good. Take it from me, they're almost-always pushing like...60%-averages on here for their full-length albums...that should tell you something. Must be nice to be shit at your job and bring home a paycheck after every sale and concert you perform. I don't care for the artwork of this release either, seems too "typical" and boring. In fact, the whole album's adventure is pretty forgettable. Funny how nobody even talks about early Dimmu Borgir, like ever...because they weren't even good when they started. Plus they made us wait eight years to release an album, that was another blunder anyways...so...time to retire... You guys have become something that Emperor feared of becoming "not-knowing-when-to-stop-making-music", which is basically word-for-word of a quote that I seen here on The Metal-Archives. You guys had your fun, took a break, came back, still failed...pack up 'n' leave, Dimmu Borgir.