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Cryptopsy - none so vile - 98%

cryptopsyftw, April 2nd, 2010

Cryptopsy have a lot to answer for. Thanks to this album, I haven't seen friends nor family in years. My father died, my mother remarried, and my brother gained a degree in philosophy and is currently the leader of a cult dedicated to the health benefits of battery acid somewhere in Wales, and I never knew. This album, "None So Vile", is in my opinion the best thing the 90s ever gave music. It snares your attention within seconds, and from then on, it spears you with skin-peelingly intense riffs, ungodly vocals (Jesus, Lord Worm should be knighted), and drumming that constantly makes you wonder how many arms Flo Mounier has got...seriously, the drumming on "Phobophile" convinced me that Cryptopsy have Vishnu behind the kit.

The key thing about Cryptopsy is that they have their own sound. I've never heard anything like this band before or since. Sure, Morbid Angel have some twisted riffs, but the stuff on display here is phenomenal - check out "Benedictine Convulsions". The riff right after the solo is so heavy that you could batter Cthulu to death with it and is catchier than Lady GaGa sprinkled with the T-virus from Resident Evil (seriously though, I hate Lady GaGa). The Musicianship is second to none throughout the album as well, ensuring that those sick, sick riffs are always backed up by a rhythm section that defies belief. Tech death always requires that a band has their shit completely nailed, but Cryptopsy are tighter than Maddie Mcann's vagina used to be.

Production wise, this band have what I would call perfection. Everything is clear and audible in the mix, and it all meshes together perfectly. This is an incredibly heavy album at points, but the guitars never overwhelm the bass, and the drums (even when they’re blasting at speeds incomprehensible to the civilised mind) don’t fuck everything else over, but just give everything unheard-of velocity and animosity.

Cryptopsy are a ferociously technical act at times, but that’s not to say that the album is just endless fret masturbation, no, the riffs are memorable and chunky, you can practically feel them launching offal into your face. Also, the riffs are above all original. No one sounds like Cryptopsy do here, and that’s vital. I mean the greatest respect to slayer, but being as virtually every metal band under the sun rips them off, how many times can you heard the same recycled riffs before you get bored? The technicality isn’t relegated to just the guitars either, the bass here is a vital component to the music. Listen to “orgiastic disembowelment”, and weep when it kicks your ass. And anyone who says the drumming isn’t technical as hell should be euthanised. No words, no hesitation, just dragged outside and shot.

If this album has a flaw, it's simply that it requires time to fully click with you. The sheer amount this band shift time signatures and tempos can be slightly disorientating. There is definitely enough to hold your attention and blow your mind first time round, but it really needs subsequent listens to really prove itself to be the classic that it honestly is. If you're the kind of metalhead that likes stuff to be instantly accessible, then None So Vile probably won't be your sort of thing, though far be it from me to tell you what you will or won't like.

In conclusion, I recognise that this little torrent of rabid fanboyism probably isn’t as helpful as it could have been, because I am hideously biased towards this band. I really can't do anything more than just urge you to check it out as soon as you can, because it really is worth that 98/100.