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Bahahahahahaha… No. - 15%

Bezerko, April 18th, 2008

It’s Friday, April 18th (Australian time). Yesterday Cryptopsy’s latest album “The Unspoken King” leaked onto the internet, which was promptly objurgated left, right and centre. Now, this is not a review of that album, and you can very well see that it sucks from the reviews of the album already available. No, this is a review of what is often regarded as Cryptopy’s peak, “None So Vile”, an album that has been used as a basis to criticise “The Unspoken King” due to it’s “brilliance”. But is the praise justified…?

No. No it’s not. This has to be the most boring album I’ve ever heard; in fact I’d rather sit through an hour long drone doom album than listen to this technical death metal abomination. Now, it is often argued that Cryptopsy were innovators in the tech death genre, and that may well be true; but the genre has so much more to offer. “None So Vile” offers a horrible mish-mash of boring (!) riffs, over-the-top drumming and monotonous vocals. The guitar solos are almost indistinguishable from the main “rhythm” of the album due to the disjointed nature of the core guitar riffs, that’s how messed up this is. I could listen to an album from any genre of metal and hear wonderful riffs segue into a solo which would display itself as a triumphant pillar of technicality and sheer awesomeness in the composition; Cryptopsy’s solos make me shit myself with boredom.

Actually, the album does that as a whole really. Flo Mounier’s drumming, while highly technical and certainly very difficult to pull off, suffers from an atrocious sound featuring a weak and obnoxious snare plus a bass drum sounding like someone defecating on a trampoline. What should be an outstanding drumming performance of crushing brutality ends up as the percussion of a children’s show. Lord Worm’s vocals, which I admit are quite cool, do not fit the album. In an endless maze of shitty riffs that stop before the pull a groove, Lord Worm’s constant stream of “HUR” and “ARGH” seem out of place. They’re really the only part of the band’s repertoire that is consistent all throughout. A commendable effort Wormy, but it just didn’t work.

Okay, so I’ve been bashing this album constantly, are there any redeeming features? Yes, there is! Gasp, Eric Langlois’ bass work on this album is outstanding, appearing just when it needs to so as to inject some life into an otherwise dull pool of miasma. The bass is technical, yet not so technical as to be annoying and disruptive (*cough* Jon Levasseur on guitars… *cough*). It really is a cracker effort and easily worth 10%. Occasionally the band slows down a bit and produces a riff actually worth something, so I’ll slap on an extra 5% for that as well. These parts could be great rather than the “good” that they are, but Mr. Mounier seems content to hit his bass and snare drums during these moments, ruining any headbangability in the album.

Technical death metal can be done right, just listen to Psycroptic’s first two albums; this however is not done correctly at all. It’s an overlong album which more than outstays its welcome. I can occasionally enjoy listening to “Orgiastic Disembowelment”, but other than those rare occasions this album does nothing but repulse me. I’ve mildly enjoyed writing this review; after all it is supposed to be somewhat therapeutic to write one’s thoughts done on paper (or type them on a computer as it is). To be honest, writing this review could’ve been an extraordinarily joyous experience but for one thing…

I listen to albums as I review them.