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At this point, they are coitus-ing with us... - 60%

jannewirram, March 15th, 2011

Aaah...a new COB album...something that we always look forward to. But this time around, fans were even more anxious for the release of a new 'anticipated' masterpiece simply due to a slight glint of hope...which pretty much died after I listened to the album a few times...and by few, I mean somewhere around 50. Bodom, sadly, isnt the Bodom we knew anymore. Its like Ashes of the Wake meets Hate Crew Deathroll with a little hi to Motley Crue. I have to literally pinch myself as I solely admit that they have now become a lazy bunch of retards who just want to party and mess around with girls and then write songs about it like PUSSYFOOT MISS SUICIDE! Can't imagine how anyone can sink so low...wasn't the Britney Spears cover enough?

The song titles, to begin with, are seriously misleading. I mean to say that if you look at a song name called CRY OF THE NIHILIST, you expect some black metal-ish symphonies and atmosphere...not to forget the aggression, but instead, you get some punk riffs and out-of-place keyboards. UGLY and PUSSYFOOT MISS SUICIDE are in a way, 'better', I would say. I thought they're going to be full on pop songs, but the experience of going through it wasn't as bad as it sounds...although in totality, they ARE bad. The same goes for Was it worth it...Bodom have a strong reputation of building up amazing intros and then blowing the rest of the song into oblivion since Living Dead Beat or In your face. Seriously demeaning...

On a personal level, I thought Jaska's drumming and Alexi's lead work(strictly not riff work) were great. The attempt to make heavier riffs were quite good but ended up being way to groovy. However, I may listen to the album for the effective drumming, if at all I bother coming back to it. Even the bass sounded good and acceptable. But the biggest disappointment (and I dont believe I am about to say this) is Janne Wirman! The guy who has been saving the band all these years delivers absolutely NOTHING new. The patches that he uses seriously makes me feel that the Roland JV-2080 is a useless sound module with limited range of decent voices. His leads are not at all memorable. Same old boring scale runs and now I am starting to think he does it heartlessly. Come on! Solos are meant to have a 'soul'. Soul-O! (lol...that was bad) Although, his funky outing in Not my funeral sounded good and I enjoyed his finger-feast in Shovel Knockout and Roundtrip to hell n back. But these are going to fade out soon. Frankly, even the Roadkill Morning keysolo sounded better than all of these put together. But we can cut him some slack, surely. He deserves to under-shine after delivering continuously. But now he needs to know that he truly has to make amends. Maybe have some piano pieces or some prominent choirs like Kalmah or Nightwish...not copying them, but be a wee bit more atmospheric and enigmatic...

In a world where people are gasping to catch up with amazingly fresh technical melodeath bands like Lykathea Aflame, The Faceless and Psypheria, talented wizards like the Bodom boys stay busy trying to mesmerize the muggles. I know we shouldn't compare melodeath/thrash/punk with Technical Death Metal, but it hurts to see that COB are wasting their time and quite honestly, OUR's too. My rating is purely because I love the band to death and I DONT want them to lose more fans...I don't expect them to get back to their old sound, but at least make something that makes us feel confident saying, "I am a huge fan of Children of Bodom."

-Worthy listens:
Not My Funeral, Shovel Knockout, Roundtrip to Hell & Back