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What the hell.. - 8%

Spatupon, June 12th, 2018

Carpathian Forest is an enigma and a stand-alone in the Norwegian black metal scene. Don't get me wrong, it is not because of their music which is largely entrenched in the second wave of black metal but rather Nattefrosts' intransigent image coupled with his heavy drug use and dare I say sex addiction and his fascination with themes which are not usually associated with the simple shock-satanism employed by the majority of the second wave of black metal bands such as Mayhem, Darkthrone and a plethora of other bands that can retrace their history to the early to mid-90s. Carpathian Forest has been rather inactive on the studio front for more than a decade, largely devoting their time giving stupid interviews and doing easily-forgettable shows. Before this piece of pure steaming shit came out, I could have easily stated that Carpathian Forest belonged to my top 10 black metal bands. I have fond memories of my experience listening to "Black Shining Leather" and "Defending the Throne of Evil". Those two albums played a decisive role in molding me into the black metal addict that I am nowadays. And I'll forever be grateful to this band for producing such impeccable, monumental releases of pure evil and hatred.

Any real fan of Carpathian Forest would have been fucking stoked upon hearing the news of the upcoming release of this EP, alas however, when most of us finally bought this piece of crap on bandcamp or on vinyl, we were taken aback by the sheer arrogance that the band has exposed. This EP is a one-big fuck you to all the fans and an obvious attempt at making money out of pure blockheaded fans like me who instantly bought this piece of shit upon its release. What the fuck were these guys thinking honestly? I continue to ask myself whether the band is really either in financial dire-straits, or either felt compelled to release something but putting the least amount of effort, or whether they felt like completely putting their bands' name to shame. Okay, enough of me sulking in my own despair, let's get to the real deal; the "music" we're presented with on this mini-album, if you can even call it that. I'm aware that EPs should mostly remain as concise as possible and offer only a glance of things to come, but holy hell, there's a fine line between keeping your work concise and simply releasing one original track and a terrible rendition of a rock song.

You see, this "EP" only has two songs: Likeim the only original track on this EP which clocks in at around 2:30 minutes, and a cover of Turbonegro's famous single "All My Friends Are Dead". There's nothing really much to say about "Likeim". It's a generic crust-punk influenced semi-black metal song, with some hints of classic heavy metal attitude thrown in there for good measure. The riffs are repetitive and totally forgettable. The sound of the drums sounds organic enough, however, the beat is too repetitive and sounds uninspired as hell. To wrap this song up in a few words, I can only consider it as an average attempt at punk black metal which has been done way better by other bands such as Darkthrone(sticking to bands of the same magnitude of popularity and influence). The second track as I've already mentioned is a cover. There isn't much to say about it, it's just a heavier version of the original minus the rebellious and sarcastic spirit of the original song. Poor showing once again. I suggest that nobody buys this piece of crap as it is not worth it. I'm not going to even comment on the artwork, because it looks like a half-assed attempt at looking chaotic and punk; two traits which aren't authentically summoned in this EP.

Stay away at all cost.