Epicus Doomicus Metallicus

This is a LOOONG overdue rewrite.

Epicus was the first album review that I had ever done. That was a couple of years ago and I was a bit of an overzealous newbie to this fine establishment. I will always love this album. Not much choice, really. You see, the ink of my one and only tattoo (the impaled skull of EDM) was still drying on my right outer calf muscle whilst I was frantically heaping loads and loads of zeal onto this disc. I've had two years to think about it and the rage of my hard-on has subsided, albeit just a wee bit. I'd like to thank the 'Saab Rules' (hilarious title, mate) for helping to curb my enthusiasm. However, I can still thank this (and a shitload of other doom albums) for rescuing me from a stagnant sea of death metal where I was drowning in entropy.

In the foul year of our lord 1986, Earth was a very heavy place to be. Slayer and Megadeth (fuck Master!) unleashed their respective masterpieces unto the world, Maiden was in the midst of their "classic era", Celtic Frost, Sodom, and Possessed were busy building the framework for death and black metal, and these dudes from Sweden come along and heave their massive debut onto the metallic table with authority.

Epicus Doomicus Metallicus may well be the most aptly-named heavy metal record to date, for it is just that. With thrash approaching fruition and the embryonic death metal genre beginning to spread its morbid wings, the need for speed was ever-present.

Fortunately, Candlemass came forth and proved once and for all that you DO NOT have to play fast to be heavy. From the first notes of "Epicus...", these artists create a foreboding atmosphere of depression, misanthropy, and longing for death. Perhaps the most unfortunate detail of this album is that this would be the first and final appearance of baritone Johann Lanquist. His performance on this album is absolutely spellbinding. He is obviously a trained musician, singing from the diaphragm, projecting each perfectly decipherable syllable toward the heavens. There is much to be said for metal bands with all cleanly sung vocals. If you ever find yourself drowning in a world of cookie monsters and guttural barks, consider this classic.

These songs are expertly structured for all fans of anything that is heavy. Production is clear, crisp, and, frankly, immaculate, considering the release date. In the current age of pro-tools, gridding, and other such studio magic (a.k.a. lies), we are fortunate to have the choice to travel back in time to analog recordings such as this opus that were made for long-haired, poseur-stomping, dope smoking metal-heads. Simply put, this is genre-definitive heavy metal.

All right, so if the ethereal darkness of "Solitude" (I still like this Solitude better than the Sab's simply for the sake of headbanging) doesn't do you in, just wait till the double bass drums pummel your guts on "Demon's Gate". Goddamn! This is where things start to get nice and heavy, and let's not forget the awesome and evil spoken word intro to the song. Pure morbidity. I now will raise the chalice of metal excellence to drummer Matz Ekstroem. He does his job with mastery and the utmost class. He is the ideal percussionist for this band, or for heavy metal in general, and it is tragic that this would be his last studio appearance with Candlemass. This is crystalline drum performance and production. The rack toms sing out beautifully, the floor toms are rich and deep, and again, the tastefully-executed double kicks will smash your fuckin' balls.

"Black Stone Wielder" is everything I could ever want from any metal song - it is a perfect song. The 6/8 opening riff is darkly ponderous and cunning and it obviously inspired many bands such as Opeth. Its gravity pulls the listener into a world of sorcery and sheer aesthetic metal beauty. My favorite riff on the album is in this song, starting at 3:22. It reminds me of the opening riff of "Into The Void" if it were being covered by a band of elder gods. Plodding, archaic, and triumphant, it eloquently sets the stage for the dreamy and neo-classical guitar solo, also my fave on the album.

Oh, and there's two other songs. They're pretty good, too.