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Vntrve - 33%

Felix 1666, April 30th, 2017

During the whole time of the band's existence, Bulldozer bordered on parody. They showed their affinity for Venom in a blatant manner and embodied the type of boozy, undogmatic "Satanist" that Cronos had invented back in 1982. "Another Beer (It's what I Need)" was an early statement and pretty nonsensical pieces such as "Don Andras" underlined that the band had a special sense of humour instead of being a part of the morose legions of the devil. Nevertheless, "Dance Got Sick!" took the next step, to describe it euphemistically.

Bulldozer collaborate with two famous guys (never heard of them before), "Dr. D.O.P.E." and, as far as I can see, the famous "DJ Sick". The involvement of further irrelevant assholes is not known. Anyway, the output bleeds from numerous wounds. Although there are some guitar-based elements - the riff of the first track is really strong: catchy, coherent and slightly mean - and a more or less aggressive atmosphere, the "motherf**ker" aesthetics (and "aesthetics" is another euphemism in this context) of the guest vocals indicate that we are leaving the metallic sector. Not to mention the flickering synthesizers that suffer from epilepsy. However, I am almost ashamed to say it and it costs quite an effort for me, but... the main track is not bad. Its sometimes rapid drums, the partly "normal", raw vocals and the guitar work sound familiar and prove evidence that the metallic characteristics do not need to fear the competition with the stylistic features of completely different genres. Moreover, it is amazing to hear that the mix of the actually crappy rap vocals and the metallic voice works.

Does anybody need different versions of "Dance Got Sick!"? No way! But Bulldozer know no mercy and therefore the EP has a playtime of more than 15 minutes. They should have stopped this crude experiment much earlier. The "Core Rap Version" sucks completely, because even the smallest iota of metal is missing. Only the motherf**ker and his electric sounds appear in order to kill any form of good taste. Believe me, he fulfils his mission meticulously. Even the "Tech-core Rap Sickness", the last version, is less disturbing, because it has a certain drive. The vocals and the lyrics are another catastrophe. Man, get up, get up, move it, move it, man, and check it out, check it out, check it out, man, that's all I can say after this delightful techno experience. However, I am sure that millions of visitors of this site enjoy techno - this one is for you, my dear apostles of synthetic sterility.

I have really no idea why these songs appeared under the banner of Bulldozer. Normally, this nonsense would deserve a very low rating, regardless of its solid production. But I am such an untrue, sorry: vntrve, loser that I want to stay fair and yes, two versions of this shitty cripple have a certain stinking charm. Please don't compare this rating with those of my further reviews, because this score is only valid in the parallel universe of techno sounds.

Proposed genre: Black/Thrash/Space Jam - 30%

Ribos, February 3rd, 2010

The setting: New York City, 1991. Bulldozer just finished tonight’s show on their tour, and decided to retire to the local bar. It’s a typical bar of the time and place, a smokey little hole in the wall where it’s only safe to drink the beer because the alcohol kills off any malignant bacteria. But these guys don’t mind the mess, since they play some of the filthiest blackened thrash around. It’s a comfortable feeling, this grime. Now, Italians aren’t exactly world renowned for their ability to drink you under the table, but they’ve been around Europe enough to have developed a solid enough tolerance. Give or take a bit. Anyways, the crowd was your usual rabble, nothing out of the ordinary. You’ve got the inner-city rapper wannabes hoping to escape their bar tab by drowning it in more liquor, the Jersey blue-collar types doing likewise with their beer, and there’s probably that one homeless guy who seems to be at every bar simultaneously, and no one ever questions if he’s got the money to pay. In fact, the Italian thrashers are the only ones who might be out of place, but that’s only when their accents betray them.

After a few hours and more than a few beers, though, they’re assisting in the clientele’s escape from the woes of reality. After all, things are going fairly well for them, and so the mood’s a bit lighter than a normal Saturday night. Eventually, one of the rappers (as inebriated as everyone else) throws out a hilarious idea: he and the metal band should collaborate! Everyone has a good hearty laugh at the absurdity of the mixing of styles. After all, the race riots and civil rights movements have long past, but the racial boundaries between rap and metal were well defined. Well perhaps they had all had one too many pints, but the band decides it would be even MORE hilarious to actually do it! Good thing they happen to have access to a recording studio nearby. So in one drunken laugh-filled night of frivolity, they jam out a few tracks.

Then the next day comes. The band’s hungover like a late train from Jersey ran through their heads. They don’t want to have to deal with anything. Naturally, this made it the perfect atmosphere for their label to call them up, and yell at them to start writing their next album. Someone snaps. They send the label the joke tracks from the night before, and tell them to shove it up their ass. Or the Italian equivalent, whichever you prefer. It doesn’t matter. Either way, a few months later, the result of a drunken escapade hits shelves, the backlash is fierce, and so Bulldozer disappears for nearly seventeen years.

Well, this is how I like to think this whole mess happened. Otherwise, this EP’s existence just doesn’t make any sense. Seriously, this band was churning out album after album without any real sign of drastic style changes. Everything seemed to be fairly consistent until this little abomination, at which point the band dropped off the face of the planet. Frankly, I’m surprised there haven’t been other reviews for this release yet, since it represents a sudden an unexpected change in style that is not particularly well-done, putting it in the same league as albums like Cold Lake and The Unspoken King, which everyone loves to hate. As my rating implies, though, Dance Got Sick! is not nearly as bad as either of those shit piles.

Actually, this EP seems to very deliberately be an experiment, not a complete decision to change styles. There are four tracks, but three of them are different versions of the same song. The band was clearly exploring this musical territory, and I imagine their temporary demise was (mostly) unrelated to this release. The three titular track versions sit at different points along the spectrum of genre blend between the thrash metal and the techno-infused rapping of the day. In some weird way, it almost works, but falls apart through repetition.

The first version is the most metal of the bunch, starting off with a thoroughly uninspiring but nonetheless solid thrash riff. Guest rapper Dr. Dee-to-the-motherfuckin’-Oh-Pee-Eee DOPE is almost unnoticeable through a good portion of the song, only offering his funky fresh rhymes at parts in the chorus. There’s also a secondary riff after the first with an extra boost of energy supplemented by a keyboard mimicking the guitar, but ultimately it doesn’t go anywhere. The second track begins identically to the first, but drops out half the repetitions of the guitar riffs, sometimes with keyboards in place. Dr. Dope (MD? DDS? Ob/Gyn?) also plays a more significant role in this song, and it probably marks the highlight of this album. It’s got the best blend of the styles and offers enough variation that it’ll at least hold your attention.

The third track is technically the same song, but due to the almost complete removal of the guitars, it is largely unrecognizable. This style holds for the fourth track, a different composition. And fuck what I said earlier, Core-Rap Sickness is the highlight of this release. This song is just pure, raw, unbridled awesome… so long as your definition of “awesome” involves the Space Jam soundtrack. And it damn well should. I mean, really, this shit is PHAT! Partying like it’s ’92 over here. Seriously, this track brings the most energy and the most variation of any of the songs on the disc, and given the band’s thrash/speed metal tendencies, that’s a good thing.

Hell, even Dr. Dope gets into things more than usual. Now, to be completely serious, the man can rap well when he puts his mind to it. The band could have found a much worse guest vocalist. When he delivers the verses/chorus, he enunciates clearly, has great rhythm, and raps fast enough to keep up with any black/thrash group. That said, when he’s not doing that… he won’t stop with the 90s techno MC’ing. And even then, shouting “NOW!” and laughing every five seconds is not an effective technique. It’s corny and hokey and mildly annoying… yet it seems to perfectly suit this corny, hokey, and mildly annoying release.

And that’s ultimately what this is: confusing, corny, and mildly annoying. It’s not a good EP by any means, but there were a few interesting ideas that unfortunately were never given proper attention. It’s a strange departure of style for the band, and it’s very clear they were going into unfamiliar waters. I really have no idea why this was even released, but it feels as though they’d have been better off drinking themselves into forgetting they had ever recorded this, as they inevitably drunk themselves into recording it in the first place.