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Raw and Violent - 80%

MikeBelial, March 3rd, 2006

Prior to reading anymore than this paragraph I want you fine listeners to follow these instructions. Go to the local butcher store and buy yourself a nice one inch thick porterhouse steak with tasty fat marbling. Return home and unwrap your fine slab of crimson protein. Take the steak in your bare hand, return to the computer, and go to where you will once again find this review.

Alright eager steak wielding listeners take a big bite of that cold bloody raw steak and begin reading the rest of this review. With each bite and chew of that slab of dead cow you should have the sensation for how raw, icy, and grim Black Witchery’ “Upheaval of Satanic Might” disc sounds. Each gnaw of your porterhouse should fill you with an understanding of how fucking primitive this recording is in sound quality and atmosphere. This is the type of music Ted Bundy would have played as he returned to the site of a corpse he had previously raped and murdered with the intention of getting in some newfound necrophilia love.

Never mind the fact that Black Witchery are basically a Blasphemy worship act. Forget any notions of clean Dimmu Bogus production with symphony and melody. No, this shit is straight out Satanic ball tonguing fury with horrible production. The bass is non-existent, and the guitars are a drone of riffage. The drums are more murky than a swamp with snare, cymbal, and maybe bass drum present in a noxious unrelenting blasting affair. The vocals are at the forefront making everything else sound like background music. Imagine standing with your back facing a propeller driven C-130 while shrieking “Satan is good, Satan is King, I love Satan, Satan can ass fuck my ole lady,” and that is exactly how this disc sounds. Hahahaha, well maybe the lyrics are a little different but does it matter? Still, what you got here is a fusion of Black Metal and Grindcore of Satanic proportions.

I read a couple reviews where the tears about the “poor production” on “Upheaval of Satanic Might” almost caused my computer to short out. See, them same cry girls whimper about everything, and if the music is good they find a reason to be negative. They are little techno-nerds who can play instruments, but they do it without passion or zeal, which is why they don’t have a band themselves. Hell, even if they have a band they suck cause they overanalyze the sound and their play. Then when they do get to “jamming” the music is devoid of emotion. Hahahaha, and those same idiots that bitch about this albums sound or call it cult are idiots too… How the fuck can it be cult when everyone knows about the recording?

The only negative to this album is its length. It has 9 songs and 1 hidden track that is a cover of the Blasphemy’ song Ritual. As a whole the album is 29:36 long and if you subtract the Blasphemy cover it is about 26:00 minutes long. My point is that they could have at least made the damned thing in the 35 minute range especially for the reason that the music is rather simplistic. Still, whether it is called Black Metal, Noisecore, or Black Grindcore the fact is this album is made to offend and that is why I get off on it. I like it as an accompaniment for pernicious sex, hard drugs, and animal slaughtering. Even the artwork of Chris Moyen is awesome and the drawing of the nude hottie that has been sacrificed on an alter always stirs my eager cock to life.

Rabid reader I want you to finish up that porterhouse, let the gore dry on your chin, and order this CD. In the meantime you can make earrings out of the steak bone and read up on Satanic rituals cause even if you are smart enough to be atheist your gonna feel like burning a Christian once you hear this disc.