Carnivorous Romance

"Black Countess presents Carnivorous Romance: A Story of Nympho-Vampirism and Licking Lesbian Lust". The attractive young lady on the CD tray insert presents her bare breasts and shaved snatch. It doesn't take a genius to work out where these Russians got their inspiration, or who they're aiming at. For those of you too young or shy to buy from the top shelf, here's a CD with five tits-n-pussy photos and a far-fetched story of lezzo vampires for you to jizz over. For those of us too old to give a shit, there's not too much to get excited about.

I should give credit where its due, and indeed this band has flashes of potential with a promising opening riff, a rare ripping solo and some good melodic leads that adorn the fifth song, "Vampiric Nymphomania". But in between these highlights, the band's haste to be Eastern Europe's answer to Cradle of Filth results in some irritating synthesized violins and gothic cliché. And yes, the lead vocalist wants to be Dani. Why, one can only hazard to guess, but I'm sure as an old man he'll look back on these days and wince. The lyrics tell an eight-part tale about a nobleman's daughter who is seduced by a countess and gradually becomes a lesbian, then a lesbian slut, then a lesbian slut vampire; so you have to put up with a lot of background moaning from chicks who really don't do a convincing fake orgasm. All these puerlie distractions are over-emphasized in the mix, along with a sterile drum sound, detracting from the decent guitar work, which itself reverts to weak tremolo riffing far too often for my liking.

Carnivorous Romance is a mediocre example of a contemptible musical style, bereft of any conviction, power or evil intent. In this way, it violates all the tenets of black metal I hold dear, but insatiable fans of a certain English troupe might be impressed. At the very least, they have cranked up the porn factor.