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Time to piss on Quorthon's grave... - 33%

Shadespawn, October 3rd, 2008

Sorry. This just doesn't do. 13 years have passed and this album still just points itself out in my collection. This is so to say, Quorthon's evil twin, making a pathetic attempt at thrash, utterly failing. This is supposed to be how Bathory should be remembered? The answer is very simple. No. This is just plain comical. Why? Let me tell you.

After the majestic and epic Twilight of the Gods back in 91', Quorthon decided it's time to make some great Scandinavian thrash metal attacks (or let's leave it at 'attempts'). So he went into his little cellar and records Requiem in 94' (after releasing two best-ofs with some unreleased tracks from the old blackish era). Requiem was actually not all bad, but still, very deceptive. Quorthon completely dropped the viking and epic themes he had adopted, for whatever reason he had, and moves to thrash. Now, thrash is a great type of heavy metal, just the thrash that you get on Requiem's follow-up, "Octagon" is simply downright stupid and lame. Riffs are almost completely ripped off and uninspired, resembling Slayer and early Sodom almost to, say, 80%. The problem is also, that the guitar tune and the recording itself is anything but thrash. It sounds like you would have taken the first Slipknot album or some other "nu"-metal abomination and sent it back to the 20s, recording tunes on a phonograph or something similar (by the way; didn't Slipknot actually adopt the octagon into their "Maggot-crops-overalls", or whatever they're called). The song structures are more boring and uninspired than a squished slug near a manhole. In fact, this is exactly what this sounds like: the soundtrack to a squished slug near a manhole on "Immaculate Pinetreeroad #930", because that's exactly where it goes. The sound on this is vastly inferior to his earlier works, with annoying hissing and dry guitar riffs overlapping themselves, resulting in a complete mess and cacophony. Actually I am beginning to think that this is a joke of the record label into tricking fans of Bathory to buy this atrocity under the name of Bathory. Or another possibility would be that Quorthon was completely drunk when he decided to spawn this. That would also explain the highly intelligent and epic lyrics: "Drink my cum, Eat my shit, suck my dick, [...] With every breath inhale the stench of lubrication shit and sweat.". And with every gushing sonic surge out of Quorthon's ass I descend further into a migraine state. There is simply no escape and less than 20 seconds on every song is enjoyable.

The reason this album still manages to reach a 33% is not because of me thinking "33 something". No, no, no. It's because of the cool KISS cover song "Deuce". I like the cover, it really has a dirty tone to it and gives it a really cool individual touch. Just download the song somewhere off the Internet and revel in it, but don't think the rest of the album is as cool as that song.