Driving My Fist Through Her Chest

I'm a huge fan of slam, huge fan of brutal death. But I really desire the last 40 or so of my minutes back after listening to this. This is one of the worst death metal albums of all time to say the very least and I'm confused on how it is not infamous for being as such. While creating a good slam album doesn't take rocket science, it's almost safe to say Artery Eruption were destined to make the dumbest form of music known to man while given a weekend and a handful of foodstamps and this is the result. It really is that bad.

The production is non-existent, there is no production here. Album liner notes says the production and mixing was done by Aaron Pryor. I have no idea who that is but if the band paid anything more than 10 bucks to the guy for a job like this, he should be sued. The vocals are god-awful and they clip horribly the entire way through, the guitars are so thin it sounds like you can scrape the outside of a house with a comb and it will have a thicker and more brutal sound than what is heard here. The slams are the only redeeming thing that retain a one percent on my score from a zero, the other percent is because something I'll explain later. I like slams, and that's about the only thing that keep my interest on why I even bothered hearing this mess from beginning to end. But the downside is the guitar lacks such a positive tone to even keep the slams satisfying or make much of it - or let alone anything at all what is heard on this album - listenable. The band is so aware that they're bad that songwriting doesn't even come relevant to how these songs are performed. "Are they trying?" was what was going through my head numerous times listening to this.

Drumming is another thing I want to talk about. I never thought a drummer this sloppy existed. I could play drums better than this guy and I haven't played since I was 7 years old. It sounds like he's trying way too hard to show off his skills than keep a consistent beat or rhythm to the music. Another problem is he tends to consistently lose his grip on his drumsticks creating such a mess in the percussion factor that it would take up this entire review space just to say what he's doing wrong and how to improve it.

Also, the band is so insanely dependent on samples to the point that they need to include one in almost every... single... song. They're not even relevant samples either, some are from what sounds to be porno films and others are just completely random films that don't even sound that they're in context to the song that is about to play following them is. Samples are a common thing in slam, I am aware. Epicardiectomy have a sample at the beginning of every song on their album Putreseminal Morphodysplastic Virulency. However, there are two things that excuse Epicardiectomy from doing this against that of Artery Eruption actually doing it. First is Epicardiectomy is actually a good band and thus the samples are worth sitting through to get through to the music about to be played at the end of each one of them. Second reason is Epicardiectomy's samples aren't severely retarded and irrelevant to every single song. Their samples on much of their music has dialogue kept to a minimum or completely non-existent with people either groaning in pain or screaming or other sound effects, giving their music a eerie vibe. I know it's a strange comparison since that album is relatively new and this album by Artery Eruption was released 6 years ago but I felt a comparison to samples done right versus those done wrong on a slam album should be noted because here they're just annoying here. Just think of this way: an already mess of a record made worse with awful cringe worthy clips from absolutely random movies placed at the beginning of each song. Ugghhh....

The album's final track titled "Outro" is some long acoustic piece followed by an Artery Eruption song attached to it. I give them props for such a pretty instrumental placed at the end of this garbage fest which also bumps my score of 1 percent up to a 2 but it had to be ruined because well... an Artery Eruption song had to be attached to the end of it.

I want to say Artery Eruption have talent but I don't hear it here, if they have further releases, I will have the heart to give them another chance. But to make things clear, get a better producer and lose the B-movie and porn film samples. I think Artery Eruption could get a couple lessons from Cerebral Incubation or Cephalotripsy if they're looking to join the slam big leagues. This album is as garbage as this genre can possibly get. Everyone should stop hating on Waking the Cadaver's Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler when you have the pure epitome of terribad slam death metal right here.