Pyramid of Metal

I'm not sure whether this release was released as a joke or not, but given that many of this "artist's" (I use the term in the lightest possible way) releases are certainly not intended to amuse, but indeed do, I can only assume this song was released with the premise that someone, somewhere would enjoy it.

I can think of no such individual – there exists no appealing factor in any aspect of this release. Compositionally, the track is a haphazard mess; a weird, neutered juxtaposition of straight-up heavy metal undertones with a speckling of “brutal death” chugging riffs. I’m loathe to describe them such, as brutal death metal – even poorly done, at its most basic – at least conforms to some rough sonic standards. There is nothing creative, interesting or catchy played by the guitar at all, which seems to be constantly undertaking a theory-devoid improvisation rather than playing a pre-written song.

The mastering is almost non-existent – the entire track could easily pass as having been recorded on a phone at a band rehearsal. One guitar (not even doubled in the mix to thicken the sound); one drum kit; one vocal track – overall, thinner and with less flavour than a bowl of Oliver Twist’s gruel. The vocal performance itself is mediocre – not God-awful, but certainly nothing to write home about.

The piece-de-resistance of this disharmonious tragedy is the drum performance. The percussion holds no steady beat, plays no discernible patterns, and could easily pass as being a recording of somebody who had never played drums before. Sadly, the style is not so consistent as to pass as avant-garde.

Even the album cover is an endless source of amusement. It appears that Jorg Kirby himself has spent all of five minutes drawing a preschool-style pyramid, another five minutes Googling some generic symbols to adorn the pyramid with, then subsequently taken a picture directly off his camera – rather than scanning the photo directly onto a computer.

Most musicians of above-average talent begin with many flaws – they are diamonds in the rough. As time progresses, the creases are ironed from their abilities; their composition and playing styles acquire their own, unique, personal flavour; they forge their own sound. Sadly, it appears Jorg will never undertake this journey; already half a decade into his musical ‘career’, his inadequacies show no signs of abating. Perhaps the time he could spend honing his art is devoted to spreading misinformation about himself – Jorg is notorious online for falsifying and over-exaggerating his alleged Norse ancestry.

Dreadful music. Listen at your own peril.