Antichrist

The music on 'Antichrist' is the typical approach to modern progressive *genre(s)* metal. In Akercocke's case this means they write some death/black metal songs then attempt to shoehorn in as much superfluous bullshit as physically possible. As an added bonus Akercocke write lyrics about Satanism and sex while occasionally referencing philosophy. The result sounds like the ramblings of a 15-year old sexually frustrated "satanist" written by a philosophy major as an attempt at impressing the hot goth chick in his creative writing class.

Looking at the foundation of the music on 'Antichrist' you will find that the riffs range from functional to non-existent. From the latter category, the second half of "My Apterous Angel" has a great line-up of riffs and is surprisingly good when you consider that the first half dawdles on the back of some mediocre acoustic guitarwork, listless riffs and questionable electronic nuances (trumpets, really?). "Man Without Faith or Trust" and "Footsteps Resound in an Empty Chapel" are the only decent tracks on the entire album, relying on rather simple song structures and refraining from going on tangents.

Unfortunately the rest of the album completely eschews consistency in favour of appearing "progressive". This rears its ugly head in two reprehensible but familiar forms: the wanky filler/ambient/instrumental tracks and the "Kitchen Sink" approach to songwriting.

The only redeeming feature of the first category is that at least you can just skip the song, but in judging the album as a whole they exist, much to its detriment. "Black Messiah" is a shitty introductory track; it avoids the typical acoustic or ambient approach and does a glitchy electronica thing that is entirely forgettable. "Distant Fires Reflect in the Eyes of Satan" starts off with some swelling keyboards before morphing into a poor man's version of Karl Sanders' solo project. These tracks are not awful, but the album is not improved by their presence and their removal would at least provide some cohesion. "Epode" is downright bad and fucking embarrassing to listen to. Metalheads love to call out Christian music for having lyrics that are shameless in their love for their faith but then they're quite happy to let this shit slide? The lyrics and music are hideously gushing and insipid: they're just as bad, if not worse.

The Kitchen Sink method is the most glaring flaw on the entire album and is prominent in "The Dark Inside". The opening black/death riff is good, a bit simple, but it gets the job done and at this point in the album it's something of a relief. At 1.23 this is immediately dropped for a section that is kind of post-punk; a basic staccato chord section strummed out in a repeating pattern which eventually segues into a fuzzy synth section that sounds like it was cribbed from the New Order. This is followed up with a jarring chug section, two speed metal riffs, a mid-paced riff, a slower section with some awkward single note riffs, a really bad solo and then finishes with the opening riff/post-punk mix. Now ignore that second half because it's a mess of leftover riffs that Akercocke just pasted together in a poor attempt at dynamics, because that genre shift in first half is fucking dumb and without it, the song would still be a mess but at least it'd be stylistically coherent.

Do you want to know what that section is really saying?

"This track is just too damn normal, we really need to throw in a random section or else they'll take away our PAM membership card and I'll be damned if I'm paying full price for my vanilla mochaccino soy latte!" and then they take out their d100 and consult a chart of random music genres.

Then you get their fans running around bleating "WOAH! Akercocke totally just played something that wasn't metal within the confines of a song that started out metal! They're blurring the lines between genres and BLOWING MY FUCKING MIND AAAAAAAAAAAA".

On reflection "The Dark Inside" is the only really terrible example of this affliction. This is not to say that Akercocke do not make questionable decisions regarding song structure and composition. For instance they ruin the perfectly capable acoustic opening to "Axiom" with some hideous double-bass pattern and bellowing clean vocals. There's also that silly post-thrash style of noisy chords somewhere around the middle and then they have an awkward clean break with the jazz style bass for the wailing, underwhelming solo and-

Enough. Akercocke are just terrible songwriters and to analyse their songs is becomes a tedious slog of asking "Why?" and shaking your head. The worst part about 'Antichrist' is that even if they dropped the pretentious progressive tag they would be left churning out unimpressive death/black metal. The riffs are well played and are not obnoxiously technical but they lack any visceral edge and evoke no emotion or atmosphere. They're vehicles upon which the band goes "Grrr satan and sex" for a bit, then they throw in a random section or some middle eastern scales and sound remarkably similar to The Tea Party, yet worse.

'Antichrist' is a mess of an album; a frail skeleton of black/death metal with a garish skin of sewn together from the desecrated remains of alternative genres, its grotesque facial features highlighted by Middle-Eastern scales/ambience makeup that was put on in the car after drinking half a bottle of vodka.