I listen to a lot of black metal, but it's a fact that most Norwegian black metal is shit (the only Norwegian black metal band I can think of that I even like is Darkthrone, and maybe Immortal's first two albums). Nobody back in the day liked Norway, not even some of the Norwegian bands liked Norway. And actually listening to the music, I know why; it is boring and the musicians were extremely inept.

Havohej is amazing, by the way, and that album is definitely in my top 10 best of black metal. It is highly technical, ferocious, and extremely innovative. Paul said it best when he called Varg jealous. Nobody has truly emulated the sound of that album; every other loser in black metal has emulated Hvis because it's not hard to play it at all.

Because a band's quality is proportional to how much people liked them 20 years ago.

That is not what I said, I said that I understand why people hated them 20 years ago. This album should not be considered a classic because it is the epitome of everything wrong with black metal.

Hi. I am not a native English speaker, but would like to finally submit some reviews (except for 2 all have been rejected due to bad grammar) as some bands have almost no reviews. Therefore, I am looking for someone who would correct my reviews = just transform my version into good English (I don't want to post them here, so all the native speakers can make fun out of it). I would prefer if one dedicated black metal fan could contact me and help me via mail exchange. I am willing to pay 5 USD by PayPal for each corrected review after it was published in the reviews section of metal-archives.com (no payment if it got rejected again of course). Contact me here via PM for further Details. Thanks.

Now that's what I call edgy!

Just as mine is.



Wow. So being hard to play is now what defines good music? Ok then.

And explain this: "This album shows how artistically bankrupt black metal actually is..." - what exactly is art to you?

Judging by his post history, Unholy Darkness and Impurity indeed seems like a tryhard tool (not really convinced he's actually 30), but I always did find Hvis lyset tar oss pretty boring compared to the rest of classic Burzum. I'd take Havohej over it too.

Jute Gyte Oviri Jul 13th ... did tomcat_ha listen to this entire thing? I know I didn't. What a mess of a release.

I really think this is his best album to date. It'll be interesting to see just how much more divisive he can get as he progresses.

Not a troll, and you're right; I'm 29.


Glad someone agrees with me. But I'd take all non-Norwegian black metal over Norwegian black metal; Norwegian death metal was always superior.

Dude needs to stop working on so many releases at the same time and just focus on a single release at a time for a start. Some of what he attempts certainly has potential but there so many of his guitarwork ends up being nothing but filler really.

I also feel quite confident about this review, think it is one of the better ones i've done. Maybe worth an amazing 5 MA points.

Solid review Alf (I'm not yet sure where I stand on the album myself but I have really enjoyed some of Jute Gyte's stuff), but man, you gotta learn how to use commas.

Thanks, Emptiness...who apparently isn't completely empty.

I go through stages

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ick/237570

Well, I laughed with that punchline.

I was originally talking in the Review Workshop thread a couple of months ago. I am unsure if I am in the correct thread now, but this is on a different subject regarding reviews. I've had a review now, "pending" for almost a month. It got rejected once, but was told to make a correction to it then resubmit it, which I did (this is not really my question, as I am not trying to rush it to be read; but am only bringing this up because of the question I would like to ask, please).

But, in waiting I've been wanting to write 2 more reviews. Even though I've been here since 2006, writing reviews is fairly new to me, and am unsure of what's best to do. Should I wait until my "pending" review gets looked at before I write and submit another one? I don't want to add more, if I indeed should be waiting for my other one to either be rejected, or submitted. Would someone please mind letting me know if it is best to wait before I send another one?

Thank you so much to anyone that will answer me!

While the kid who wrote that Burzum review was clearly an edgy tryhard and deserves to be mocked relentlessly, this review still seems hastily written and reactionary. Preteen "kvlt-ists" aside, "Dethrone the Son of God" is indeed an excellent black metal album and this review totally misses the point comparing it to "bedroom" black metal and whatnot, which is total nonsense. I also don't know what he is referring to by mentioning it's "doom-ish take on the style"...if anything it had a "death-ish" take on black metal, as it has a sort of "punch" to it that remind me of classic Obituary and Deicide, with a lot of super catchy riffs (I would even consider it black/death rather than just pure black...but that's neither here nor there). Of course, there is obviously some goofy stuff - just look at that fuckin' cover , but much like "Tol Cormpt Norz Norz Norz" it's really part of the charm of the whole thing and was probably intentional. You know, I have a hard time imagining someone naming a song "The Fucking of Sacred Assholes" and expecting it to be taken 100% seriously...

... and in a political context? It does not necessarily have to imply some sort of sexual intercourse.

I don't have time to actually read it right now but I want to say the only thing lamer than writing a reactionary review because you disagreed with a previous one is writing a reactionary review for a completely different album just because the original reviewer you have beef with loves it.

Seriously.

They'll get to it when they get to it. If it's rejected, they'll give instructions. Meanwhile, post anything you want to in the Workshop.

Whether or not you wait is up to you. You get a maximum of 5 in the queue at any one time, but that that leads me to a question: if it eventually goes up, will it be a validation to maintain that standard? Is it validation at all? The site criteria are enough to establish a reasonable compositional minimum, and that's all they intend to do. Acceptance isn't necessarily a vote of confidence. Quality, like caution, is up to you.

Thank you for getting back to me, cause I just have some ideas floating around and was wanting to write up 2 more, for now. So, at least I know there is a limit to what can be in the queue That's more of what I was wondering about. I just didn't want to pile them up to make it more for whoever reviews them. Not looking for any sort of valadation, just have a few albums that mean the world to me, and I want to just be able to share that, really. Oh, and so ya know, I am still working on that Vladimyr Bathory one, the one you had read on the Workshop thread (a couple months ago)... this one is still proving a bit more difficult, for how the album is very complex, I am 2 paragraphs in, and as soon as I do finish that one, I will post it in there But, the 2 that I'm wanting to write, right now, I believe should be fairly easy to do!

Spider_X, from now on let's talk about this sort of thing in the Workshop. It's a general tutoring room and writing lab, so feel free to stop by there with general questions and material.

You can submit the other reviews. There's a lot of pending reviews right now (50-100) and we often skip over the ones that have been previously rejected until all the fresh submissions have been handled.

Your patience is appreciated, though. I should go through the review queue now, I'll look at yours again and skip over the half a dozen Iron Maiden reviews that have been previously rejected.

@Zodijackyl

Since i can't answer directly to your message, i'll do it here.
Thank you for the great handling of my most recent review, your help and feedbacks are greatly appreciated. I always try to do my best to improve my English writting, and help from you and other native speakers is really nice!

I hope i'm not that bad though

Thank you Grave_Wyrm, I will. I just wasn't sure about this, but I will from now on.

I appreciate that! I understand completely Thank you for looking at mine and also accepting it! You're very welcome about the patience, this is why I was wanting to ask, I mean I figured you had alot to look through, and wasn't sure of the process of if I should wait, because I didn't want to add more if that wasn't o.k. to do. Also, thank you for taking the time to talk to me.

You're quite good, there were just a few quirks to fix.



Yours was interesting and worth reading again. Quite imaginative, I must say.

Brace yourselves, winter is coming.

And by winter, I mean a shitload of The Forest Seasons reviews.

Wow, BastardHead gave that album a thrashing.

"Wintersun continues to be this weird bastard hybrid of Nickelback and K-pop. Nickelback because they're not necessarily offensively bad, just really, unbelievably, excessively lame, and K-pop because it all sorta sounds the same and follows an obvious template with very few tricks, but fans are absolutely fucking wild in their unending devotion to mediocrity."

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I don't think he's much a fan of Wintersun.

Nevermind the core text, but calling Mikko Salovaara and Kasper Mårtenson nobodies? Well, I had a laugh.

A combination of Nickelback and K-pop would actually be much worse than Wintersun.

It struck me as rather sedate to be honest; he even admits to being resigned to reviewing it because yelling at Jari is something people now know him for and it comes across in his writing. Be your own man BH, review what you want.

^ I agree, which is why you guys will love my review.

I have had a review pending for 13 days now. Any chance of an update?

In the eternal winter of Russia, beyond the darkest caves where sunlight never spreads, there sleeps a man. A whisper reaches the wind, and the wind carries the whisper across all manner of frozen terrain. The whisper reaches the man's ear. His eyes shoot open into perfect spheres and he shoots upright, breaking his intermittent slumber. He sniffs the air as his eyes narrow. "Somebody is speaking ill of Wintersun..." he growls under his breath. "MADNESS!" he shouts as he flings the blankets off of his legs and sprints to the computer to retaliate in the most obviously phony "calm, rational person" voice he can for the forty fifth time.



Yeah in all honesty, this review is probably the closest to a review equivalent of "selling out" you'll ever see outside of me taking a paid gig to shill for awful emodjent. I'm frankly just exhausted with Wintersun at this point. I didn't go into the shit about the crowdfunding because I just can't be fucked to type it all out again, and the review had a defeated tone because, well, I'm more or less defeated at this point. It's hard to summon up the appropriate amount of bile when the album is as much of a pointless bunny fart as The Forest Seasons is. I just don't fucking care anymore and clearly neither does Jari.


*- When you're talking about the dude from Kiuas (a band that has like six great songs before completely abandoning everything interesting about them and retiring) and the dude who played keyboards in Amorphis for a whopping one year 20 years ago (and I don't know anything about Barren Earth which honestly just reinforces my point), yeah they're absolutely in the shadows of giants when stacked up against juggernauts like Tyr, Ensiferum, and Moonsorrow.

HOUR LATER UPDATE: Fucking lol I just realized Kasper is currently the live keyboardist for Turisas. Don't pretend for one second that that isn't the reason he's part of that song.

Kiuas had 4 great and diverse albums and were generall one of the most unique power metal bands with one of the best singers in the field. Kasper played on Tales which automatically introduces him in the hall of fame no matter what he was busy with afterwards. So yea, that sounded really poor.

Kiuas was not that great at all. Very interesting and unique sound, but rarely ever actually great - their debut was good and their third album was, too, but most of their stuff was inconsistent at best.

Kiuas had two inconsistent but usually good and very unique albums before dropping all the extraneous influences that made them so captivating, and playing on one legendary release and none others for a legendary band with tons of legendary albums makes you an interesting footnote and nothing more.

Their first album was a unique genre potpourri; then the follow-up had a few really good tracks strewn about some averageness. The other two I can barely remember, except I remember their last album being extremely lame. Almost like they tried a Throne of Chaos genre shift but unlike ToC they totally botched it.

For what it's worth, Kiuas' third album starts off on a stupidly high note as The Decaying Doctrine is a legitimately awesome song. That was a great way to show how they could still be excellent despite normalizing so much and going from that crazy power/folk/black/death metal hybrid to just regular mid paced power metal with a deep vocalist, but the rest of the album is unfortunately really unmemorable. Total shame because they could have done it, but just didn't.


EDIT: Honestly, the newer review by Khat57 above mine is about ten times better. Not only does he actually touch on the crowdfunding aspect (which, in this case, is absolutely worth talking about since it was such a huge factor in the album's conception), but he does a much better job of really illustrating just how little actually happens and how the songs never really progress from one idea to another. They don't even evoke the feelings of the seasons they're supposed to represent, and that's such an obvious thing that should be mocked (considering it's the entire concept behind the album) that I genuinely can't believe I didn't even notice it.