Got a call from the gym, turns out I'd make less money than I get from the government now, but I'd be 100% off government help!

Have an interview tomorrow!

Good luck, buddy!

Viel Glück!!!

Never really answered this, and I'm bored so thought I might give it a shot. Definitely feel I'm relatively happy most of the time, and at the very least a lot more happy than I used to be. I think I can mostly think of three main reasons for this:

1. Exercise - if I had to pinpoint one thing that has improved my life the most in recent years, hands down this would be it. Prior to when I started lifting weights a bit over two years ago, well, let's just say if being a manchild was an olympic sport, Canada would probably select me as their top athlete. I was living in a frathouse, was getting drunk 4 nights a week, chronically unemployed, not taking care of myself very well ect. It sounds kind of silly, but dedicating myself to something as trivial as picking shit up and putting it down again kind of gave me the push I needed to start getting my shit together (not to say I still don't have a ways to go, haha). Started doing better in uni, stopped getting drunk so often, started getting some job experience, started practicing guitar more and reading more and spending less time wasting time on the internet.

Beyond that, I think improving yourself physically also has a lot of carry over to improving mental health and mood. When I started lifting weights and running, I was fat as fuck (probably around 250lbs at my worst) and basically looked like a talking sausage. Managed to lose around 50lbs in about 6 months (I'd run up to 2 hours 3 or 4 days a week), and felt the best I did, basically in my whole life. However, I never really liked cardio and quit about a year in when winter hit and bulked up for weight lifting. I'm slowly losing weight again and doing some moderate cardio, but lifting is what I really love and I feel like that keeps me feeling good most of the time.

2. Cutting it out with the substance abuse - while I feel like starting exercising was the most important thing to start becoming more of the person I wanted to be, this was absolutely necessary. Like I said, I was drinking excessively pretty often and I also went through a period of doing a fair amount of blow and MDMA (mostly having to do with the people I was hanging out with). Stopping drinking so much was the most important, because I've gotten fucked up way worse with alcohol than any of the hard(er) drugs I've done. I was blacking out a lot, and I don't tend to be a very good drunk. I still drink beer fairly often but now I'll usually just have a few casual ones. I don't really smoke weed at all anymore (did way too much in my mid teens and it definitely was a bad idea), I can handle it a lot better now but I still feel like weed has never really been a good fit for me. I'm sure there are a lot of people here who have had it much worse with alcohol, but going easy on it has definitely improved how I feel. Shrooms are the only drug I've done where I think I've had a really positive experience with it. It's really interesting how it basically strips away the ego and lets you be honest with yourself.

3. Stopped wasting all my time - the other two were probably more important, but I feel like a lot of people are unhappy because they don't fucking do anything (probably especially bad for people with unrewarding jobs). A big part of this was getting some work experience - even if it was going from being an unemployed slob to a dishwashing slob for a while (moved to Banff to wash dishes one summer, shit job but living somewhere so cool was awesome). Now I've got a part time job with very unpredictable hours (can be very little at certain points) while in school, but it does feel good to be paid well above minimum wage even if my hours can be shit.

However, what I really wanted to get at here is what we do in our free time. I used to mostly just watch Netflix or go on the internet in my free time, and honestly, while it's a pretty good time waster, it will probably leave you feeling pretty damn lethargic. I don't read Adbusters anymore because I'm no longer a naive overly-idealistic teenager, but their slogan "live without dead time" always stuck with me. After starting exercising snapped me out of my lethargy a bit, I began making more time for doing more productive stuff in my spare time. I finally started practicing guitar - not just fucking around trying to come up with riffs or pretending I could solo - but actually practicing with a metronome, doing different drills and learning more songs. Been practicing the drums a bit too when I get the chance. Also, started reading more instead of just watching netflix or whatever, which is ultimately much more rewarding. Been trying to review more, too. Sometime it's hard to do as much as I want to with school, work and having a girlfriend, but I still make time when I can. Definitely feel better when I feel like I haven't wasted my time doing essentially nothing.

Sorry for the rambling, the TL;DR version is essentially treat your body and mind better and you'll probably feel better in general.

You're absolutely right that exercise improves your mental state as well as your physical state. It's great that this was a catalyst for you, and you're right that something as simple as picking up heavy objects and putting them down again can be so rewarding. I think in general humans are active creatures so taking care of that is a good step to just about everything else we do. Good on you, mate.


I think this goes without saying, actually. It sounds like you were drinking way too much (4 times a week...wow, I can't even do every weekend like some people!). Having a sound mind more often can help you with decision-making and cognition, which will improve many aspects of yourself - something I'm sure I don't need to remind you of. To be honest I've never done any drug except alcohol so I don't know the effects of MDMA or mushrooms, but hopefully you can keep the mushroom use to a minimum, or it doesn't become a reliance. You seem to have a good head on your probably muscular shoulders so you would know.


To be honest, this is a big one. "An idle mind is the Devil's plaything" is an oft-used quote, but for good reason. I had the same epiphany a couple of years ago, realising that if I wasn't working, I was doing absolutely nothing with my life, which is why I started uni, got a second job, got my first aid certificate, and so on. I've never been to Banff but I hear it's beautiful out that way so you must've relished the opportunity to be there, despite the job being crap (which it wasn't). Continuing to practice your guitar and read more will only be better for you in the long run.

Great post, mate!

Thanks, Mikey! Not as happy today because my computer is toast and I've run out of money . Yeah, I think the last one is a big thing that often gets overlooked. It's easy to waste all your free time and you won't necessarily be unhappy because of it, but it's not particularly conducive to bettering yourself as a person and is ultimately pretty unrewarding as awesome as wasting time can be (and nothing wrong with kicking back with a beer every now and again and watching some Trailer Park Boys, of course).

Entirely unrelated, but are you ever going back on Facebook? The RIM misses you!

Oh, some free time is good (and healthy) for you. Nothing wrong with playing some video games or watching a movie or TV shows or whatever, but too much of that and you start to wonder how you're going to fill in your time every day, which can lead to mental deterioration. A nice balance of a busy lifestyle, but time enough for yourself is probably the best. Sucks about the laptop, though! Hopefully you can get this one fixed or get a new one.

It's highly unlikely you'll ever see me on Facebook again, despite the protestations of some of my friends. Never say never, but don't hold your breath.

My orchid re-potting seems to have gone well. This definitely contributes to my happiness.

Regarding wasting time, I've done that a lot. In direct opposition to that, I started doing nothing on purpose. Scheduling time to do nothing at all is really excellent. It makes it much easier to stay on task the rest of the time.



Mushrooms are a great help in a lot of cases, if you actually take the time to reflect on the more uncomfortable things they strong-arm you into being honest with yourself about. The dozen or so times I've experienced them has done more for my fundamental peace of mind than the gallons of alochol I've drunk over the years. Psylocybin and MDMA are really excellent psycho-therapeutic drugs, and you don't even need to take much at all to have substantial experiences or thought proceses, which (other than the fact that they work at all) is my favorite part about them.

I'm a big fan of small or medium-sized goals, and all the positive change you had looked like it was made of those.

I'm a big fan of idleness myself - Bertrand Russell's essay praising it makes some good arguments. And personally, the times when I've been most 'sinful' were the times when I was a workaholic. I very much doubt there any causal link between idleness and misbehavior.

Today is the happiest day of my life. All the positive things that changed in my life that I mentioned earlier in this thread were because a friend supported me, and today it became more than a friend supporting me.

If classic-era Lisa Gerrard was my girlfriend I'd be very happy too.

But seriously, congrats m8.

Congrats! Glad to see some positive shit in the thread too

Looks like I pretty much got the job I was interviewing for. Today was too intense a day, I had a breakdown. I'm going to sleep it off, everything will be fine.

Well I'm a little happy right now, unlike some months ago where I was extremelly depressive.. The only thing that is bothering me is that today I had to go to psicologyst(a very nice, beutiful woman) but I end up smoking marijuana with some funk/rap guys that sold to me in the way to it. It were my third and most important visit to her and I missed...I thought that had time to just buy and go... I don't have many problems with it, unlike cigaretts. They are the real problem. I can't stop smoking it at all. In everywhere I smoke, and it's like, 2+ packs per day. I think cigaretts are more addictive than marijuana(and more dangerous I guess?). I wish I could stop with the cigaretts and just smoke marijuana.

Also I'm drinking much less now than I used to, like three times per week, and just get drunk in special ocasions.

Yet I still fell a bit depressive sometimes, due to recent past events(check my older posts here if interested) but I'm kinda conformed that my life's dream will only occur in a distant future. In a distant future, but will occur.

Except for the breakdown, this all sounds awesome!

Had a positive few weeks since I finally got to release some music after literally waiting for years to get something finished. Also, I might be moving forward in rocket speed at work due to some timing and randomness. Booked a trip to Thailand, Indonesia and Czech Republic to get something to look forward to in the summer as well.

Mine goes ups and downs in life sometimes i am happy and other times not.i dnt know what to do. i see many people sitting quiet and not talking to anyone and there is stress on there face..

Dystopia your three step plan seems pretty similar to where I am in life and my quest for happiness. The exercise is a huge part , definitely the catalyst for action. I'm on the end of a two week break from powerlifting due to my tendonitis acting up again and I've done nothing these past two weeks but fall deeper into alcoholism and getting fat again. I feel pretty fucking worthless in this state as I've done nothing but go to work, smoke weed, eat food, and drink. When I am active in the gym for extended periods of time, all of that fades away and it's almost like I've found some sort of higher purpose. I still feel the strings of alcoholism and depression pull, but it is no where near the feeling of when I'm inactive.

Thus cutting back on substances is the issue I'm having (which in my case automatically makes the third step extremely difficult to tackle; I don't do shit til I smoke and then a few hours later I'm too burnt to do anything). It doesn't interfere with my work as I have two jobs(soon to be three) and regularly work 50-60 hours a week, but when I come home all I do is lay in bed and surf the same 5 websites over and over again. It's not like I don't have time to myself either. I have plenty of spare time to work on my own goals (powerlifting being the only one I've pursued since I got my degree) but I'm just too damn lethargic to do anything, even socialize.

I vividly remember when I was in high school I had some sort of epiphany/moment of clarity in which I told myself if I don't change now and start getting serious about my health I would be miserable for the rest of my life. That moment did so much for me in terms of changing the path I was going down in high school. I guess I'm just waiting for that feeling again before I finally get my shit together in adulthood.

I actually went through something similar not too long ago - but more so in regards to how I view the world and what I want to do in life. To put it simply, I actually found some sort of drive to aspire in life and became a 'half full' type of person as opposed to a 'half empty' kind of guy. I realised that I had to make something of myself, and sitting around being bitter and mopey wasn't going to achieve anything. It was quite something.

Not to turn this into a measuring contest, but I had a similar epiphany in 2013, noting that I had to do something or else I'll be stuck in a rut for the rest of my life. Sometimes these powerful feelings are enough to spring us into action, at least for the short-term, to set ourselves up for the future.

I'm proud of you both for taking a positive initiative.

Suddenly, I remembered this thread.

Well, it's a new year. How's everyone been doing? Any perspectives or expectations for the future?

As for myself, eh. Not much to tell. It has its highs and lows but it's mostly meh. People usually give me the old "find a passion" advice, but I dunno. Nothing that requires me to go outside and socialise such as volunteering, doing sports, etc. interests me. And I'm not gonna sign up for, let's say, Tae Kwon Do or volunteer at an animal shelter just to see if I might end up liking it or loving it.

How big and well defined would you guys say your comfort zones are? I cant' say I'm too thrilled over the idea of going somewhere completely different without having much of a choice. For some reason, I find this quinte daunting, as silly as this sounds.

I am often times very unhappy and solemn. I keep mostly to myself and rarely talk to anyone. When I do, I find it difficult to say much of anything, so my responses are brief and ... dismissive?

I have never been a happy person

I dunno why lots of ties I feel bored. Even if I do something that I like, for some reason, this feel of "emptiness" just doesn't go away. It's really odd and frustrating to know something is missing but you don't know what t is. And even if you want to feel happy you cant' control your inner feelings of unhappiness and also apathy.

2016 started off rough and ended OK for me, I suppose.

This time last year I was still grieving over the loss of my dad. He died in November 2015 from a sudden heart attack. My dad wasn't in the best shape, but I didn't think his death would be so quick. One moment he was playing a video game, and the next he was passed out and dead on the floor. I had flown back to stay and keep my mother company through December, as my sister and I were pretty worried about her (she had been married to my dad for forty years by that point and had come to depend on him for everything), but by January 2016 I had returned back out east to finish school and look for work. I don't really remember the first quarter of the year that well; I was just going through the motions. The second quarter I was busy finishing my studies and working that I didn't really have much time for much else. The third quarter was better; I spent it with my friends and had a great time. Got more optimistic about the future. And in the last quarter I landed a sweet, good paying job. Right now things are looking positive for me. I will hopefully be able to keep this job, pay off some debts, and go on some trips over this next year. I'm looking forward to moving into a (hopefully) better apartment soon, and there isn't a whole hell of a lot that's wearing me down. My mom has had a rough year; following the death of my dad, his mother died, and then my mom's pet died not long after. The dynamic with my family has changed, too, but she and my sister are coping fine. And I'm coping as well. Life goes on.

On a personal level, I guess I'm OK. Physically, I'm slowly getting towards a state that I want to be in. Mentally, I'm still as capable as ever. Emotionally, I have a good network of friends, and I'm dealing well with the trials of life. I suppose to some degree the fact I am getting older and the years seem to be going by faster than ever before has hit me a little bit. I'm 30 now. I still hope that one day I might be able to meet someone I give a damn about, and maybe even have some kids, but that still feels a long ways off. At the same time, I can't help get that pressing feeling that I don't really have that much time; middle-age doesn't seem that far off anymore. And there's that nagging feeling that I'm missing out on a lot of things, or have missed out on some things. Don't get me wrong - I don't really have regrets, as far as the life I've lived. I'm optimistic for the future, and have plans to do things I enjoy too. But it's still a little strange. I can't help feeling like I'm lagging behind or just not fulfilled. In any case, I guess that means I'm not unhappy or happy, just somewhere in the middle. Neutral.


It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable, or to irritate me, or to even get a rise out of me. You could poke me, and I'd just look at you and ask "why you do that?"

Does that answer this question?

A year ago I was still medically unfit for work according to the government and receiving social welfare. I was single. My body was in terrible shape both physique-wise and hygiene-wise. I couldn't pursue my passions for music and creative writing due to constant depression. I was socially inept and generally lost in the real world.

I work full time for decent pay now, have a gorgeous girlfriend, a nice fit and well-kept body, spend my free time writing music and stories and get along well with people and follow my vision for how I want life to be. It's not a 180 degree turn from a year ago, but at least 120 degrees.

Looks like you've turned things around quite well in only a year.

I'm so sorry about your loss, Derigin, I hope things start looking up for you. I wanted to tell you, your encouraging words about my reviews made me feel better about myself, in general. Sorry if that sounds dumb. I have confidence issues, so your compliment really meant a lot to me.

Glad to hear a lot of others here are doing okay. If you're not, I wish you all the best for this new year.

2016 definitely had its ups and downs and there were some major lows for me, but lately I've been doing much better, much more consistently. I've finally returned to the gym and slowly been working my way back to the physical shape I used to be in, I've got a promising musical project in the works, and I have some solid plans for the near future that I'm looking forward to-- namely, moving to another country, which is daunting but exciting all the same.

I still have some lingering anxiety issues stemming from stuff that happened in 2016 and I'm trying to broaden my network of friends and acquaintances after realising I've been focusing on work and creative pursuits to the neglect of personal relationships (the former of which is probably complicating the latter). Aside from these two challenges which I'm trying to surmount, 2017 is looking very promising, all things considered.

I'm glad to see you guys are doing alright, droneriot and Derigin.


I don't think it sounds silly, per se. Everybody has their own preferences and inclinations, can't really fault you for not being into those kinds of activities. Personally I find it to an extent invigorating to go out and try new things, especially in the company of friends.

I haven't left the house socially or visited friends in over a year now. My medications (prednisone for my skin) cause psychotic episodes (was diagnosed with "substance-induced psychosis") and make my bipolar disorder worse. This also led to some hair loss and weight gain which also makes me not want people to see me (though I got a Fitbit and I am exercising a lot now).

Not on any psych meds, they usually just give me bad side effects and no improvement, and it's all complicated by the fact that the meds for my eczema worsen the psych issues. I was hospitalized once for a summer in 1996, but not since.

But in the meantime, haven't really been able to work full time and my student loans are killing me. Can't afford to have a car. Don't have cable/satellite TV (but I don't miss that), don't have a cellphone with a contract (have a prepaid tracfone, but I also find it difficult to make phone calls).

I am feeling somewhat more positive lately due to focusing on hobbies, learning to play more instruments, painting, exercising and having lost some weight, but it still seems exceptionally difficult to leave the house socially (I go to grocery store and shit like that, and I walk the dogs a couple times daily). Drinking less lately, also.

So I would say I am generally not happy, but I am feeling more positive than I have in several years.


This is how I was about college. Kept changing my major, studying in other countries, and going back because I didn't want to leave. I went for 10 years. It was a comfortable time for me, I didn't want it to change. It probably also helped that I mostly lived in dorms so I couldn't really escape humans completely, I'd run into people in the halls or while eating and they'd convince me to go do things socially. And it was predictable, not like real life when you never know about the job market, or are worried the toilet will break and you'll need money for a plumber, and everything was on a schedule.


I'm almost 36 and some of my friends (same age as me) have grandchildren. Holy shit, you know. I've never even considered having a family, wouldn't want one, might have a mild pregnancy phobia too, but it's kind of surreal to look around me at what other people are doing in their lives.

I think I've just given up on relationships for the time being. If I can't leave the house, how I am going to manage any of that? Not into online dating sites and things. I'm trying to focus more on trying to function like a normal human and maybe finding either a better job or a job where I work more hours and therefore make more money.


My problem is I don't do anything EXCEPT those things, and completely avoid real human interaction.


On a related note, lesbians don't seem to want anything at all to do with me these days, metalhead or otherwise, because there is this idea that bisexual women are to be avoided at all costs because they "always end up settling down with men." Well, maybe it's because lesbians avoid them at all costs. XD

I wouldn't necessarily say I'm happy or super fulfilled, but I'm getting by. Still struggling with addiction issues, but that seems to be getting better. Still lots of self loathing, social anxiety and depression, but I'm seeing a doctor and continuing medication for this now. Some of my major goals for the new year are to manage my time better in University and do really really well on my classes for this next semester, get out of my comfort zone and start dating casually, do an actual planned diet and train for a half marathon/get shredded, keep buying new clothes/experimenting with fashion and keep up with a meditation routine (basically just take better care of myself).

This past year wasn't really noteworthy for me. Just a boring year overall. I finally got a Nintendo 3DS... and that's it. Such an uneventful year. 2015 was a bit better and it was also the year I got into the competitive aspect of fighting games.

I was quite unhappy throughout most of 2013 and 2014. In 2015 things picked up for me for a while and then they went back to oscillating between highs and lows.



I don't mind it either as long as I think thoroughly about it and do it 100% on my own will. Perhaps I overthink things too much often but venturing into uncharted territory is something I'm never too thrilled about.

I have no friends per se. Just acquaintances. I'm an individualist, I guess.

All I want out of life is my own property out in the middle of nowhere. Unless I'm doing something that could potentially help me get to that point I find that my time was wasted. Skitliv...