Damn, you made my edit show up . I see you edited your post as well. Those never satisfied with their original post(s), unite!

But yeah, agreed. If I see a review with a totally out of left field rating as far as popular opinion is concerned, I can't help but see what the hell is going on there. Call it morbid curiosity, although I'll admit it usually disappoints more often than not.

I don't usually bother. I probably miss out on many excellent reviews because of it. For one thing, I only read liquid_braino's reviews after there was some hype here. I had previously ignored them because I simply assumed that anyone giving such ratings to such music would probably be an irritating writer.

Not that he doesn't like great albums, though! Here In After, for example.

What can I say, Batman? Clearly I'm perfect and everybody should strive to be me

Thanks for the mention. Easy to be humorous when reviewing one of the worst bands in metal - props to you for also reviewing their shit negatively. Ha ha.

PS I still think Phantom Antichrist is a beast of a thrash album.

Yeah gotta admit I cringed pretty hard throughout that post.

Top few of the top of my head:

Cheeses: Funny, conversational, describes the music well- a huge influence in my own review writing. The journals he used to do on his last.fm were often hilarious too. I think he ties with Noktorn as my favourite reviewer (MA or otherwise). Cheeses is more entertaining, but Noktorn, at least in terms of writing skill was a total class above- still is, in my opinion. Fantastic writer, did funny better than most, did serious and descriptive better than most, did most things better than most people. Writing wise at least. Haha.

Droneriot did funny and scathing rather well, had a lot of knowledge to back it up and rarely rambled. Another classic author. If he hated something then damn he really let you know it! Another one who I felt did the conversational type of review quite well, it really sounds a lot like him talking to you about the album. Really knew his shit too, which I feel came through the music nicely.

Abominatrix just sounds so passionate when he's writing about stuff he loves, and his writing style is really readable; the word "pure" comes to mind- there's just unadulterated enjoyment with the album he's listening to, (assuming it's a positive review). I haven't read too much of his stuff as it's rarely things I'm all that interested in but he's certainly a fantastic writer. The same applies to Gutterscream, very readable, often from a neat nostalgic point of view which he does very well. He does the whole "I was there" thing without sounding like a giant twat, which based on the forums is a very hard thing for older people to do!

Last but not least, Napero, for often very funny reviews, wide and varied taste in music, and a lot of detail put into what he writes. I love his generally super gimmicky style and the often rather bizarre metaphors he just hammers into his writing.

Missed this when it was first posted, but cheers for your positive words there mate.

I missed this at first, then I realized you must have meant Enemy of God, which is the one that I don't really like. From what little I've heard from Phantom Antichrist, it is pretty good. I still think Hordes of Chaos is their best post-Endorama album, though.

Haha, I think I may have to change my underheading to "Giant Twat".

Thirding (or fourthing, fifthing?) Noktorn. Dude was a refreshingly honest writer whose reviews never felt compromised or swayed by popular, flavor-of-the-week bullshit. I also get the sense that he's one of the few who championed truly deranged, transgressive music when practically everyone else seem to have settled for less. Even if he seemed deliberately contrarian at times, the man knew how to write and was instrumental in getting me to appreciate the more maligned sub-genres of metal (Goregrind, Slam, etc).

Hilarious, sincere and completely self-assured.

BastardHead - His recent review of "The Life and Times of Scrooge" inspired me to finally make a list of reviewers I like. Though I would find myself less likely to read a reviews bands or genres I'm not so much into (Power Metal for example), BH's reviews are always a lot of fun to read regardless of what I might get out of them. He has a great balance of arrogance and self-loathing about the music he loves, or his own writing that always makes me laugh. Dude, I would love to buy you a beer if I ever had the chance.

Noctir - Obviously I don't know the guy, but when I first started reading this site regularly, I found myself scoffing at the low scores he would give to albums I love (example: Ulver - Bergtatt). But after spending time reading his reviews, I often find them very insightful and full of statements that back up his scores. Since in general I mostly hate giving a score to an album, though I find average scores useful when looking for a starting place with a band I'm about to get into, I appreciate his low scores because they help me remain objective toward an album I might otherwise find myself gushing over.

FullMetalAttorney - This guy seems so down to earth, I really appreciate reading reviews from someone that I picture to be just an everyday dude who happens to love metal, rather than someone who lives and breaths the image of a metal fan. FMA has a broad taste in his metal that I can appreciate, and his reviews are consistently well written and full of insight. Reading his reviews feels like hanging out and talking metal with a friend, rather than someone just trying to give me a history lesson on the band's roots or impress me with how much they think they know.

autothrall - Pretty much a no-brainer mention for me. Since his name is usually present under the reviews tab of many bands I eventually become interested in, I find his reviews to be a great resource on what is or isn't good about a band or album. He doesn't waste much time fluffing up his reviews with his obvious knowledge, but I still feel like I finish reading many of his reviews with one or more bands to check out, or to delve into further.


I also just have to say that I REALLY fucking love this site. It is probably the site I spend most of my internet time on and has been completely essential to my getting further into metal. Quite simply, this site has changed my life for the better. People sometimes lament the days of zines and tape trading before the internet blew up, and although I obviously missed that, I would probably still be listening to In Flames describing them as "hardcore with solos", and still desparately trying to find bands that sound like Dissection if it wasn't for this site.

H

or maybe he's just a strange and interesting person with strange and interesting opinions? I never got why everyone seemed to try and meta-analyze Noktorn.

I quite like thejoker's reviews, as they have introduced me to a bunch of great Christian black metal bands. His reviews are well-written, descriptive, and justified. Other than that, I really don't know who else to mention.

Obligatory mentions: Noktorn.

Personal favorites:

MutantClannfear: Say what you will about his shit tastes but he's sure got one hell of a clear and great way to defend them. I mean, his review for Planetary Duality is a 17%, which is generally 70-75% lower than what most give it, and while I definitely don't agree with him, the way he defends his opinion on the album is pretty impressive, and makes his review one of the best of the album, even when it totally doesn't match my thoughts. The way he can explain and defend his opinions really speaks the right way to me. He's just got a really natural way of expressing his feelings on an album, clear, clean and wholly convincing.

Haven't really got anyone more, I like BastardHead's way of reviewing as well though. Then again most mods are pretty good reviewers.

Yep, Noktorn was the best.



Uhhh. So touching.

Meh, there were bound to be some blunders and slip-ups among such a prolific career which was at least 80% fueled by hard drugs. At his best, he surpassed almost everyone.

I've got to say I really love the review for Pagan Altar - Mythical & Magical by lord_ghengis. Especially the last paragraph makes me smile or laugh each time, and the last sentence could easily be signature stuff. " ... so thanks, Pagan Altar, you killed your genre while not even being very good at the main core of it, well done, jerks. Awesome, awesome jerks."

MutantClannfear because he appears to have a unique way of experiencing and dissecting music and manages to state even his more bizarre perspectives in a way that's so concise you'd have to be stupid to still be butthurt over him liking things you don't like. Noktorn was the same way but a little less eccentric/esoteric in his tastes and perspectives. A couple guys who have specialized in scathing reviews have been incredibly entertaining over the years as well, droneriot being my favorite because, unlike most of them, he actually articulated coherent, non-ridiculous perspectives that could be taken seriously. Speaking of which, anyone remember Tepes_The_Unweeping? His reviews had me loling time and time again, especially his review of the first Dethklok album which was pure unadulterated gold. I've tried to find an archive of it several times just to relive the hilarity of his indignation but to no avail.

I am bad at memorising who wrote which review, so these are the only two names that come up for the moment:

Noktorn - Has a consistent vision of metal that he knows how to articulate. While I may disagree with him on occasions, he always manages to provide music with a different 'entry point', changing your perspective on a release you thought you knew through and through. This guy embodies what music criticism is or rather should be all about.

Zodijackyl - As someone who blasts tons of time on producing essayistic reviews, it is refreshing to read Zodijackyl's opinions for a quick update on what's a hit and what's shit in metal. His reviews are short, but betray that he is a knowledgeable music critic with a razorsharp pen. On top of that, I find myself agreeing with his humorous assessments quite a lot, which always helps.