http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Boris_the_Blade/The_Human_Hive/403741/Gespenster/313583

Nice review and all, and I happen to know how this album sounds, but if I wouldn't i'd still have no idea after reading this review, I feel the musical description is a bit vague/unpresent here... Thing is, this album has a really unique and atmospheric sound, but I really don't get that idea from this review...

Spot on Megadeth review, Empyreal Always funny when someone articulates your own exact thoughts on an album.

That's what I strive to do in all my reviews.

Thanks, by the way!

^ the image link you posted is dead.

It was:

From the new Septic Flesh album review:



Blunt but humorous, and pretty fitting.

I certainly can't take their frontman seriously as long as he's wearing that goofy looking getup he's been wearing lately.

I was gonna say something about the bitterman stuff but fuck it, everyone knows where everyone stands there. Something that did occur to me though is how a lot of reviews (and I mean a huge number, you could probably find an example or ten for every reasonably popular metal album) on here are just random and fairly meaningless adjectives. Its like some dude sat down with a thesaurus to write down each and every semantic nuance of how X album is great or trash. The problem with that is that it doesnt extend to description of the music as well. Its just not enough to say that an album is `atmospheric` or `cold` or `crushing` or whatever. All that tells me about the music is what you feel what you listen to it / what kind of words you want to use to subtly impress people on a metal website with (lets face it, metalheads are pretty nerdy, myself included, and this kind of behaviour is par for course). Its not about subjectivity or objectivity or anything like that but some basic information I would like to see in a review is:

-good riffs?
-riffs makes sense together/songs work?
-album even or uneven?
-genre dependent: how do they make their riffs? Are we talking long tremolo picked melodies or some palm muted chugga shit. Also, does this work or does it suck?
-does the music fit the topic and the lyrics?
(-And totally unimportant: Does it follow genre conventions. Who cares???)

While the above will still only tell me what you feel when you listen to X album, at least I know what I am getting into! I am sure there is a lot more to a good review but as far as musical description is concerned the above would be pretty nice to see. At least with the above, if I am somewhat familiar with the reviewer I know what to expect, good or bad. Like autothrall, I bet he has been mentioned in this thread before because he writes well. I dont really agree with they guy on a lot of stuff but I really respect what he has to say because he gets to the point.

Personally I can respect a writer that can get down to brass tacks and will shoot straight about the material on an album, but I'm equally impressed by those who can describe an album with words more expressive than "killer riffs" or "total 80's bay area worship".

I think it comes down to two things:

1) The style of album you're writing about.

2) The audience you want to recommend or discourage the album from.

You're not going to wax poetic about yet another throwback retro-thrash band, and similarly it can be quite dull to talk in cold, mechanical tone about the technical aspects of a drone or funeral doom band. Ultimately people can write however they want and similarly readers can choose which reviewers they wish to follow, not that you shouldn't give the others a chance. I think most of the big name reviewers here are quite capable of writing in a myriad of styles that will appeal to everyone at some point.

As for thesaurus abuse? I won't say it's inevitable but eventually you get sick of repeating the same adjectives. It can be hard to find a comfortable middle ground between obnoxiously verbose and dimwitted, repetitious robot.

Can anyone help me out with the Similar Artists section? It seems that I can't discover more of the less popular bands who are as good as the known ones.

If the Similar Artists section needs improvement to you, improve it yourself! Add some bands that you think are similar, and upvote the ones that you see.

Also, you can see bands that don't have the minimum 3 votes yet by clicking the "edit" button on the right side of the Similar Artists tab - it'll generally be to the left of the band photo.

I wonder how long it's gonna take before bitterman understands giving Slaughter of the Soul a 0% isn't exactly a bad thing on MA, especially considering he's just a troll...

Harden up, you yourself say that giving a 0 to Slaughter of the Soul is no big deal, so don't bring it up.

Well clearly he's a troll, which makes me wonder why gives one of the most well-known yet unpopular albums ever a 0%, that's not what trolls do...

Ps. I'm not really being serious btw...

You may not be serious, but you've got 200 posts and like half of them are OMG BITTERMAN TROLL, enough.

Yeah seriously LeMiserable, just quit - quit everything you're doing on this forum please.

Oh, the guy with Stained Class in his name is giving Stained Class a 100% review? Tell me more crazy surprises.

More like a few of the last 20, don't speak about shit you don't know, you clearly haven't seen any of my posts but these...

OT: That Stained Class review cracked me up too

LeMiserable, you are aware that sometimes people intentionally use hyperbole to get a point across, right? Either way, your incessant complaining about Bitterman is just as bad as he is. Please stop.

Man, my advice is to just trust the Similar Artists tab! Sure I can't vouch for this, but it's fair to assume that some others use it as I do. And that is, when I vote, I sorta consider the fame/obscurity of the band in my choice. I mean, if I'm looking at the Chinese suicidal black metal Be Persecuted, I won't waste yall's time by voting that it sounds like Burzum. It's dsbm, it all fuckin sounds like Burzum. There are probably other users who think of the Similar Artists tab likewise?

So if a band sounds like another band you don't up vote it on the similar artists tab? Yeah, that makes sense...

Yeah, clearly all DSBM sounds the same and no obscure band could ever produce their own sound. Ugh, people who think like this make me very sad.

sushiman has great taste in metal and an excellent review for the new Draconis Infernum album. I got my copy last week and it's damn impressive. Now I wish I didn't leave that CD at my friends house the other night.

Was not at all trying to rag on DSBM. The exact opposite really I was trying to highlight the futility of voting a genre's obvious big names onto the Similar Artists tab of an obscure band. To convince our friend Smash08 that the tab won't always just be a list of big names, if people vote on it in a more effortful way! You've actually helped support my point.

It works both ways, though. What if I know Basic Entry-Level Band and want more obscure bands that play the same thing? By your logic, I'd just be SOL because big-name bands should only be connected to other big bands.

What I do with the Similar tab is:
-connect majors to majors. To fart around with the scores, not thinking the 172nd vote for Priest on Maiden's page will help any new listeners.
-connect unknowns to unknowns, and unknowns to majors, to get their names circulating out there.
but I just feel like the other way around is counterintuitive.

Fully admitting that you caught me in my illogic though. Very little of what I do seems logical to other people

I'm pretty sure you're putting way too much thought into the similar artists tab. When I'm listening to something and think, "Hey this sounds like Band X," I go to their page and click that they sound like Band X. Simple. If it sounds like Burzum it sounds like Burzum, regardless of how many Facebook likes they have.

Now bitterman did do Napalm Death's Utilitarian, but at the same time he forgot to mention how fucking obnoxious the sax in "Everyday Pox" is.

YOU HAD ONE JOB, MOTHERFUCKER!

Haha, thanks man . This record is a highlight of the year for me. And yes, better grab that disc back!

One of the best writers on the site, certainly.



He also paraphrased the lyrics to At the Gates' "Suicide Nation" The actual lyrics are "Control, control! Suicide, suicide, suicide, suicide!" Ideologically steadfast but qualitatively inconsistent, often far too casual or gimmicky. He basically gets a B- on shooting fish in a barrel.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/J ... nky/324452



Did this reviewer get dropped on his head as a baby?

Braindead, for sure. He's been persistent in trying to improve his reviewing, despite many remarkably terrible submissions.

I never thought he was the worst ever, but that statement is just ridiculous. I think most of the time he just tries too hard to be quirky, like a lot of young reviewers do.

That guy drives me up a wall for some reason. I can't get through a single one of his reviews without wanting to set fire to everything around me.

I really wonder if he's heard Rocka Rolla?

Also, regarding BastardHead's Hammerfall review, I think the band's name was inspired by Warlord ('the hammer will fall on you') rather than Queen.

I was never actually sure where Hammerfall's name came from, I just always kind of assumed it was Queen considering that was my first thought and they're one of the most popular bands in the universe.

And yeah, even though I like to be controversial and say that Sad Wings of Destiny is held in too high of regard, it's still obviously a phenomenal album and anybody saying Priest and blues don't go together is a sad creature. Hell, they're all old enough to probably involuntarily fart out little clouds of dust every time they sneeze, it'd be in their best interest to go back to doing bluesy numbers as opposed to pushing themselves to do Painkiller or Defenders of the Faith again.

One of my favorites.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/J ... Beer/93133

This is beyond hilarious. Talk about a happy pill for a gloomy day!

there's a problem with this post:

Viraemia does make sense most of time, from a compositional POV. I'm not that much into the style and the band but from what I've heard, harmonically speaking the riffs usually are very coherent. The transitions from section to section and riff to riff are usually well done. Maybe you need to listen to it with more attention or just in a slower pace to get it. Not saying that this will guarantee you'll enjoy it but this is a point that can be seen from a more objective perspective, if you know some musical theory.

^See, LeMis, It's not just me. I think you might have preemptively labeled Viraemia as incoherent because that's how you expected them to inherently sound as a tech-death band.